Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I feel almost guilty I have relied on posting on here daily since he left but I get a sense of comfort out of it. Each day has been a bit different, I feel like I go through all stages of grief in one day. I feel the best before going to bed and after sobbing for a good 30 mins. I start to see positive, and then I wake up thinking, how will I get on with this day? I feel lucky to have a strong social network. One of my friends husband's is out of town for 2 weeks so being the great friend that she is has basically booked me up with plans for the next week or two which includes small things such as test driving cars with her this weekend and making me dinner. Ive even slept over in her spare bedroom one night because I didn't wanna be alone. All of those things are helping but only when I am there with her. When I am alone or at work I am a wreck.I am worried that I will start to rely on others too much for me to feel better.
Today I want to reach out to him. When we parted ways he told me "let me know if you need anything." Well, I NEED him to realize he is the problem. The more I analyze the relationship I start questioning how real his feelings were for me. Was he ever over his divorce? Its been 3 years so I would have assumed so. Did he use me to feed his ego because he knew how much I loved him and he didnt receive that love in his marriage? Was he never ready for this relationship and wanted out so he blamed a bunch of things on my personality? When we first started dating he told me, "I like that you do little things for me and cook for me, I never had anyone put me first" He told me my kind heart and my selflessness is why he fell in love with me. But in the end he wasnt willing to fight for us, rather letting my introverted personality be a reason that he wanted to break up. I find it interesting he married someone that never put him first and fought so hard to work on things with her. She sounds like the opposite of me. Is he damaged beyond repair?
All of my past breakups with others I saw coming: We fought, we began to hate each other, broke up multiple times before actually calling it off, inability to communicate etc. This relationship was honestly the best Ive ever experienced. We talked about any issues that may have risen and did it calmly and always talked about how great we were at communicating. I can't even find negative things to say about him because just the other day I was thinking to myself "I actually don't need anything more from him. He is a great boyfriend and he makes me happy" Ive never been able to say that about anyone Ive dated. I think thats why it's hitting so hard. It was literally I love you everyday from him until the day he broke up with me. He also said the honeymoon stage was over. When was it over?! I was just as head over heels excited about him as the day I met him. We had a blast together. I need to know what really happened.
You will not get any honest answers from him, you
Will only get hurful ones especially if he has some
One new waiting, HUGS
My therapist says that when we going through our grief process, we tend to focus on "good" things that happened in our relationship. I agree with her. But once you've done your relationship inventory (listing good and bad about your relationship, your partner, things that started great then change, etc), then you'll see the true dynamics of your relationship and why it ended. I'm not sure if you've done that, but I suggest you do If you haven't. It helps to see the true nature of your relationship - the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Susan Elliott's audio book(Getting Past Your Breakup will also discuss it in more details. If you have read or got the audio book, I strongly encourage you do. It's helping me on my grieving process aside from my therapy and coming to DS. It will also discuss the NO CONTACT.
Hang in there..I'm here..We're here if you feel like venting out. Hugs!
I do tend to focus too much on the good but mostly because there was little bad. Maybe there were a few things about him that annoyed me so maybe making a list will help.
I was simply responding to/agreeing with the poster before me, Bees2000, whos counselor advised her not to date anyone who's been divorced less than a year.
Now I'm out of this forum because I'm sick of giving time and energy that would be better spent elsewhere trying to help and then having to put up with shit from people who clearly don't want an objective discussion or a solution, but simply want others to join a pity party.
My perspective is different from that of a 20 year old in that I've been through it, had/have assets to protect, and have no intention of allowing myself to fall into another victim trap. When you have had your bank accounts drained of close to 100k, you may decide to stop crying and start taking action too. Until then don't judge ME.
Glad you'll be here NiaLove, you've been here for what a whole 5 posts already?
Awesome, feel free to take over, because I'm done. While you're praying you might want to ask to be relieved of your blatant hypocrisy.
Really, how dare you.
I understand that you may still be upset about what happened to you, but it sounds like it may be a lot of bitterness. This is a SUPPORT forum not a forum to make people feel like crap and compare your situation as being a lot worse than everyone else's. I am sorry you went through that, some of us haven't had the chance to be married yet. We cant compare situations really. I am 31 years old have had 4 failed serious relationships which has me feeling worthless, have abandonment issues, self esteem issues, you name it. You cant compare your situation as being worse than any of ours, it's just different.
Hmmmm, then why your friend request.
It's also interesting that you are telling me I'M bitter, when I'm not the one obsessing over my ex, demanding apologies and explanations, and basically degrading myself because my self esteem is so low.
You're projecting your garbage onto me, and I don't appreciate it.
Why someone who needs to straighten out their own life thinks they're in a position to tell me what MY " problem" is one of those things in life I'll never understand.
If all you want is a "you poor thing". I can't help you, so I removed you from my friends list.
I wasn't comparing, simply explaining WHY I try to help women out of the hole they usually dug themselves due to lack of experience or inability to see clearly at the moment and hopefully keep them from being used and walked on by someone who doesn't have their best interests at heart. That would be the jerk they're usually crying over, losing sleep over, and sacrificing their own happiness for.
If you just want sympathy and nothing constructive, please say so at the beginning of your post.
Some won't waste their breath then.
I won't be replying to you again, so no worries for you in that regard.