I feel almost guilty I have relied on posting on here daily since he left but I get a sense of comfort out of it. Each day has been a bit different, I feel like I go through all stages of grief in one day. I feel the best before going to bed and after sobbing for a good 30 mins. I start to see positive, and then I wake up thinking, how will I get on with this day? I feel lucky to have a strong social network. One of my friends husband's is out of town for 2 weeks so being the great friend that she is has basically booked me up with plans for the next week or two which includes small things such as test driving cars with her this weekend and making me dinner. Ive even slept over in her spare bedroom one night because I didn't wanna be alone. All of those things are helping but only when I am there with her. When I am alone or at work I am a wreck.I am worried that I will start to rely on others too much for me to feel better.
Today I want to reach out to him. When we parted ways he told me "let me know if you need anything." Well, I NEED him to realize he is the problem. The more I analyze the relationship I start questioning how real his feelings were for me. Was he ever over his divorce? Its been 3 years so I would have assumed so. Did he use me to feed his ego because he knew how much I loved him and he didnt receive that love in his marriage? Was he never ready for this relationship and wanted out so he blamed a bunch of things on my personality? When we first started dating he told me, "I like that you do little things for me and cook for me, I never had anyone put me first" He told me my kind heart and my selflessness is why he fell in love with me. But in the end he wasnt willing to fight for us, rather letting my introverted personality be a reason that he wanted to break up. I find it interesting he married someone that never put him first and fought so hard to work on things with her. She sounds like the opposite of me. Is he damaged beyond repair?
All of my past breakups with others I saw coming: We fought, we began to hate each other, broke up multiple times before actually calling it off, inability to communicate etc. This relationship was honestly the best Ive ever experienced. We talked about any issues that may have risen and did it calmly and always talked about how great we were at communicating. I can't even find negative things to say about him because just the other day I was thinking to myself "I actually don't need anything more from him. He is a great boyfriend and he makes me happy" Ive never been able to say that about anyone Ive dated. I think thats why it's hitting so hard. It was literally I love you everyday from him until the day he broke up with me. He also said the honeymoon stage was over. When was it over?! I was just as head over heels excited about him as the day I met him. We had a blast together. I need to know what really happened.
I am at a better place with my ex and his wife than I have ever been. I can actually have a conversation with him on the phone and keep my cool. When either one of them does something annoying I just do an eyeroll, chalk it up to them being them, and move on with my life. What I'm struggling with is the double identity crisis. Years ago I went to going away party for my mother when she...
This is a link by Darlene Lancer https://www.whatiscodependency.com/trauma-abuse-breakups-divorce-ptsd/#more-13463 about abusive relationships and moving forward.After reading this and speaking to my therapist by phone today, as I progress through the begining of trauma work I'm finding that this article speaks to 'me codependent' to what I hope to achieve Some Day as 'Me, healed of...