Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Its day 5, and I am feeling so hollow. He came back from his job so we could talk. He tried to be happy with me but does not like our relationship. He says he loves me as a friend but is not in true love with me, I`m a beautiful person, he still wants to be in my life but as friends. He actually went out and cooked me dinner last night. We talked about the good times and the bad. How I got him off drugs.
Aparently it was after I got him off drugs his feelings toward me started to change. All I can think of is some one needs to be on drugs to love me. He started to realy pull himself together after he got clean and says that he is so thankful that I saved him from what he would have ended up as. I`m glad I saved his life, but I also feel used. I know this was coming for a long time, and he told me that he does not feel the same way anymore, but I was in denial. I prayed, even wished on stars that it wasn`t true. I tried to do everything to change; became a better housewife, tried losing weight (I have a lovely thyroid condition and its hard to do but I was doing it), make breakfast, ect.
I know that I have been hurt in the past by family and try not to get too close to anyone, and he was the same. Maybe that was why? He said its nothing I did, we just changed over the years and grew apart. I know its true, but it still makes me feel horrible.
I have very fiew friends where I live since I moved from home 4 years ago. Most of my friends are his friends, and none have called me since we broke up. I am guessing we are not friends anymore. I dont know how to make friends in a new town.My sifts at work change as they work on restructuring. I have had a hard time eating which is why he made me dinner.
I know his job keeps him on the road (trucker) for months on end since he works in oil and I am being a stupid girl thinking that he will change his mind in the time he is away. On one level I know I will be ok, but right now I just try not to drive my vehilce into a tree. We can still be friends. I know that. He has even set up payment plans for me so he can pay me back for all the financial difficulties he put me through (I got a nice chunk the other day).
I'll be fine one minute, and the next I'll cry my eyes out. I look in the mirror and wonder who will love me but at the same time I dont want to feel this way about anyone again. I feel so hollow and scared about what to do.
Aparently it was after I got him off drugs his feelings toward me started to change. All I can think of is some one needs to be on drugs to love me. He started to realy pull himself together after he got clean and says that he is so thankful that I saved him from what he would have ended up as. I`m glad I saved his life, but I also feel used. I know this was coming for a long time, and he told me that he does not feel the same way anymore, but I was in denial. I prayed, even wished on stars that it wasn`t true. I tried to do everything to change; became a better housewife, tried losing weight (I have a lovely thyroid condition and its hard to do but I was doing it), make breakfast, ect.
I know that I have been hurt in the past by family and try not to get too close to anyone, and he was the same. Maybe that was why? He said its nothing I did, we just changed over the years and grew apart. I know its true, but it still makes me feel horrible.
I have very fiew friends where I live since I moved from home 4 years ago. Most of my friends are his friends, and none have called me since we broke up. I am guessing we are not friends anymore. I dont know how to make friends in a new town.My sifts at work change as they work on restructuring. I have had a hard time eating which is why he made me dinner.
I know his job keeps him on the road (trucker) for months on end since he works in oil and I am being a stupid girl thinking that he will change his mind in the time he is away. On one level I know I will be ok, but right now I just try not to drive my vehilce into a tree. We can still be friends. I know that. He has even set up payment plans for me so he can pay me back for all the financial difficulties he put me through (I got a nice chunk the other day).
I'll be fine one minute, and the next I'll cry my eyes out. I look in the mirror and wonder who will love me but at the same time I dont want to feel this way about anyone again. I feel so hollow and scared about what to do.
Try to be kind to yourself and get through the hard bit. Things will get better in time.
You did a wonderful thing for another human being--helping him quit drugs--and you should remember that.
It's silly to think that "some one needs to be on drugs to love me". If anything... if I had to guess... I think that he doesn't feel worthy of you. He knows what you did for him, and it is a burden for him to live with that knowledge, thinking that he can never repay you. So, in reality, it's that "someone needs to be more worthy of me to love me" (whether the feelings of worthiness are truly justified or not).
You did a good thing. I know how it feels to have many mutual friends and the feelings it brings of "are they lost to me now?". It's possible they haven't contacted you because they feel uncomfortable about what he's done, and they think that they might make you uncomfortable if they instigate contact.
Maybe try meetup.com to meet new people and hopefully make new friends with similar interests. I had always wanted to try archery, and found a meetup for it, and had an absolute blast!
Like noname said: be kind to yourself. It *will* get better.
We can not make someone feel or love us if they do not. Believe me, I am going through the same heartache.
He has moved on to someone new. Just try to remember that you did a wonderful thing, you gave him his life back. Go forward with a good conscience. You deserve to be loved. Try to look at it this way. At least he was honest and told you, if his heart was not there for you, nothing you could have done could change that. It does not mean that you are unlovable.
Hugs.
I'm so sorry...big hug