Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
It's been 6 months since my ex left me for another man. In that time it's been a roller coaster of emotions, but overall I was starting to feel a bit better.
Last week I lost my job due to poor performance brought on by my bad choices and by the emotional turmoil I was feeling from the breakup. I had increased my performance, but it was too late and no one even noticed or cared. I was given pay in lieu and a hefty severance so I'm ok for a while. I decided to take some time out and head home 8 hours away from where I live and visit my parents and some old friends for a week or so. The odd thing is I feel worse since getting here. I feel really unhappy and lost and I have no idea what to do or what direction to go in.
Ultimately I have a totally clean slate and can start with anything in my life. I've been going to the gym for the last 6 months and I'm in great shape, I feel physically confident with myself and have even started dating again and met some wonderful women.
And I'm still not happy.
I should be grateful. The way I lost my job and the money I was given was the best possible outcome for leaving that job, one that I was not crazy being at and only stayed because I felt pressure due to family obligations. I should be happy and I should be grateful and here I am, sad and feeling lonely still wishing I was with her and my family.
My ex's boyfriend has moved in with her already and they plan on getting their own place at the end of May. The one thing I am happy about with all this and me losing my job is the realisation that no matter what happens to me, my kids will always be taken care of. This does not mean I won't take care of my part of the financial obligations, it just means that if I can't sort my shit out then at least I know they are ok.
In the meantime though I am struggling with the unhappiness and feeling lost and I don't know how to get my mindset to change into one of gratefulness and appreciation. I have many new opportunities coming at me and maybe that's part of the problem, analysis paralysis.
I'll figure it out as it happens. Just needed to write this down to get it off my chest.
Thanks for reading.
Last week I lost my job due to poor performance brought on by my bad choices and by the emotional turmoil I was feeling from the breakup. I had increased my performance, but it was too late and no one even noticed or cared. I was given pay in lieu and a hefty severance so I'm ok for a while. I decided to take some time out and head home 8 hours away from where I live and visit my parents and some old friends for a week or so. The odd thing is I feel worse since getting here. I feel really unhappy and lost and I have no idea what to do or what direction to go in.
Ultimately I have a totally clean slate and can start with anything in my life. I've been going to the gym for the last 6 months and I'm in great shape, I feel physically confident with myself and have even started dating again and met some wonderful women.
And I'm still not happy.
I should be grateful. The way I lost my job and the money I was given was the best possible outcome for leaving that job, one that I was not crazy being at and only stayed because I felt pressure due to family obligations. I should be happy and I should be grateful and here I am, sad and feeling lonely still wishing I was with her and my family.
My ex's boyfriend has moved in with her already and they plan on getting their own place at the end of May. The one thing I am happy about with all this and me losing my job is the realisation that no matter what happens to me, my kids will always be taken care of. This does not mean I won't take care of my part of the financial obligations, it just means that if I can't sort my shit out then at least I know they are ok.
In the meantime though I am struggling with the unhappiness and feeling lost and I don't know how to get my mindset to change into one of gratefulness and appreciation. I have many new opportunities coming at me and maybe that's part of the problem, analysis paralysis.
I'll figure it out as it happens. Just needed to write this down to get it off my chest.
Thanks for reading.
Start small? Look at Eckhart Tolle and his mindful practice. Have a couple of mantra's that you use whenever you feel a negative thought coming in. For example - Everything is exactly as it should be. I am exactly where I am meant to be. I am enough.
Those types of words instil some acceptance/surrender and stop the negativity - once you can do that - there is space for positive thoughts and energy to come in. It's a process - and it can be done in really small steps every day.
How do you eat an elephant? One spoonful at a time.
Good luck.
I always have a hard time being around my family after a breakup, mainly because I have to put on this face that everything is great, and can't show the pain and sadness, because then my family (mainly my mom-she's not real supportive) gets angry because I'm not "just getting over it", even if it is only two days into the break. She wants me to get angry, but doesn't realize that takes time to hit that stage. Is this maybe what you are dealing with at home?
I'm sorry you lost your job, but don't think you won't get your shit sorted out. I think you will! It takes some time and evaluation and rearranging, but you WILL get there. You CAN do it.
Are you sure you are ready to date? No one can make that decision for you, but just be careful that you are ready, or you are going to hurt more, along with hurting someone else in the process. Don't use dating as a bandaid for your feelings. They will eventually come back around. I was just someone's rebound, and it sucks and hurts tremendously. Just use caution, and be completely honest with the person.
Good for you for working out! It helps get out those painful feelings, gets the endorphins going, and boosts your self esteem. Plus it's healthy!
Keep hanging in there and stay the course!
Thanks Coping. Certainly seems to be first world problems for sure. I think part of my problem is that I doubt I'll make as much as I did before. I do realise I might and I might make more.
I have used similar mental techniques before and I just need to practice then again.
Sja. My family have been great supporters of me through this whole thing. I grew up in a small place and is been a long time since I've been here. I guess I had expectations that escaping would make me feel better and it's not lol. I feel like the low confident kid who never fit in all over again, weird how that works.
As for dating, I think I'm almost there. I think though that unless I connect right away with someone and unless there's strong chemistry, I think it will be tough to get to know someone easily. I had felt that with one woman I dated, but she didn't and broke it off after the second date. She had also been two weeks out of a relationship so who knows?!
Thanks for the responses.