I'm 10 weeks pregnant from the man I gave 5 years of my life, we lived together but we had a lot of problems, he left for months came back I took him back so many times I lost count. In 2015 I met an airforce man we started dating in Aug. and of course my ex saw us in Sep. out having dinner as soon as he saw me he called me and wouldn't stop bugging me I got confused but loved the way how this new man was treating me, we had special bonds and special moments, he deployed in Oct. we would write each other and skype daily. My mistake in letting my ex be in contact with me, I slipt and slept with my ex numerous of times because I still loved him but down deep I knew he would hurt me again. He contact the airforce guy and told him everything we went our seperate ways and of course my fault and I own up to that. My ex stook around and we decided to give it another shot in Nov. 2015 he moved back in and in May 2016 I discovered nude pictures of other women he was always into younger girls he is 33 now but looking at college girls, hooter girls, girls that worked at bars etc. I told him to leave so he left it was a nasty breakup. I decided to move on open up Bumble and started dating. I had a "best friend" well she made me believe we where best friends and like every girl you tell you girlfriend your going on a date with a guy the place just to be safe. Well she would go to my ex and tell him everything where I was who the guy was and even made up stories that I would sleep with these men. Which is not true, like I told him "I was not with you and I had all the right to date who ever I wanted, that does not mean I would sleep with these men" Its called casual dating! I wrote a blog about her the things she would do and say without naming names well she didnt know I had a blog but my ex did so he sent her the blog she went to my house like a maniac with 2 guys and another girl slamming my windows and doors, without taking in consideration I have a 14 year old and it was a school night at midnight. I called the cops put a restraining order against her. In Oct. 2016 my ex decides its a good idea to take two of my twins cousins that are 21 year olds to a mexican beach for the weekend. The little skanks didnt care and posted pictures of them in social media to hurt me somehow, what I dont get is why they would do that to me being family and him messing around with my own family. Thru out all this time he never left me alone he would call me, text me, send me messages thru pintrest, tumblr, instagram, facebook any way he could find, insult me call me slut, and ugly names. In Dec. he reached out again this time with a diffrent approach stupid me I forgave him for everything he had done to me even a message I had recieved from him telling me he slept with both of my cousins. He moved back to my place the end week of Dec. 2016 I became pregnant in around Jan. 24-29 per our dates and verifying with the doctor. In Feb. 22 we had an appoitment with a midwife on our way over there he picked a fight over getting a car that we cant afford and that he test drived and I pointed out and said my priority is the baby not a new car we are just fine with my car which is a new sedan buick and we fit perfectly fine. But the car he test drive is around $100k mercedez to point out we live in a 2 bedroom condo that makes more sence in spending that kind of money in a bigger place. Well he started yelling at me that the child is not his so I told him to get off the car. Since then he has not looked for me he has emailed me but only to hurt me and say hateful things, Ive gotten out of my way and hurt him too by posting the message he had sent me about stating he slept with my cousins and posting it on his wall with the pictures of them and things he told me about his family  and the line of business he is and how he is being sued. I know it looked like im bitter and something stupid to do, but I am bitter, I am hurt, sad, angry, mad, and I feel hate. He called me and now he says he is going to fight for the baby. I just feel so ashamed of myself, feel horrible about going thru a pregnacy like this, when I was moving on with my life I couldnt get him to stop bothering me, and now that there is a reason why he should stick around and be a father to our child when a women needs that support of the other half he leaves me just like that and doesnt even make the intention of looking for me or trying to be with me again. I know its something I dont deserve but at times I wished I was dead that God just would come and take my life, when I'm driving the desire of getting of an accident and die hit me. I'm just so hurt!