Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Ended things with my bf of 12 years and father to our 2 kids. We've been through this so many times, the last time was April of last year when I caught him talking to girls on social media, he was hiding an account from me. 2 days ago I find out after I caught him all he did was make another one and has been hiding it from me for over a year! I feel like an idiot and feel like I finally opened my eyes to the truth. He's been lying our entire relationship and I was blinded by the desire to be in love and the desire to be the couple who "made" it since being teenagers.
Things have been so much better later, they are always "better" when I catch him. He can't treat me like the queen i deserve to be treated like unless he's lying. There are so many small details as to what I found but basically I feel like he has a whole other life. He was closeness with families I don't even know, I'm almost 100% positive he had a relationship with another woman last year. Of course I didn't find obsolute proof but what I did find was enough. Everyone I've talked to about it agrees because they are not blinded, they can read betweeen the lines and that's what I'm finally doing.
It hurts, but there is no way I can take him back. He lied for a year, he went to all the effort to go on other people phones to use social media and I'm sure talk to other women even though I didn't see it with my own eyes. I'm sure he was, otherwise he would have unlocked the account for me.
Mind you, he is 28! I am 26! We are too old for this, I am way too old and mature for these little games especially regarding social media. I cant forgive that he never stopped talking to girls and he never stopped lying to me. All the "progress" I was giving him credit for was all lies, there was no realness to it because once he was doing fooling me with his kind actions he was right back with the other females.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense or if it's all jumbled, I just really need to vent and find some way to deal with this and to be strong.
Flirting on FB and other stuff like that I
call them addict behaviors. The sexting
texting and emotional attachments.
Get into therapy ASAP, i hope your appt goes
Well. Divorce care,org is a great group it helps
With the grieving process, get a lawyer for the
Financial end and child care concerns.
Let yourself grieve your losses, its a process
That takes time to move thru and cope with.
Rejection and betrayal are real big ones never
Mind the rage and anger. I had the rage its not
Pretty stuff. HUGS
For me it was bittersweet...I was thankful to have clarity..but sad because he wasn't the person I thought he was. Our relationship, nonexistent.
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He keeps trying to convince me there was nothing to hide on his new account (I couldn't see anything) but there is no way I believe him. You don't hide it for a year for no reason and go through all the effort he went through to hide it.
As we sat in counseling I told him I've never been happy for a long period of time, either we've been unhappy or I feel happy for a little while only to have him hurt me or lie to me, and look it happened again. So for him to think we should keep trying because of all his progress, it's ridiculous. Yes, there's been progress, but I've been waiting on him to be the man I need for 12 years. That is more than enough!
Idk what is going to happen, I put out relationship in Gods hands but I do know I want to be alone for at least a few months, God will guide me and show me what I need in my life an hopefully will show him what he needs in his as well.
You are young. Cut the cord with him, take some time for yourself, and move on.
My 25yr anniversary is next week and six months ago I discovered another affair. This is after going through a year of marriage counseling after I discovered an online affair 4 years ago.
Now I find out he's been leading a double life for more than 10 years! He stole more a decade of my life!
With the rose colored glasses off, I now see he's a narcissist. Always has been. I just didn't want to see it.
Check out chumplady.com. She gives great insight in the most hysterical way.
It's been six months now. I didn't think I was ready to date, but I've discovered I don't need to heal to move on, I need to move on in order to heal.
We are here for you. Stay in touch and let us know how you are doing.
I have been pestering him for the truth, even telling him we can move forward in our relationship if he is honest (though I'm lying) and he refuses. Last night, after bugging all day, he says "have you been drinking?" I told him I did have 2 drinks between 5:30 and 8:30, we were texting at 10:30, and he finally says yes I can be honest but not when your drunk...OK??? I wasn't drunk..then he asks me what I want to know so I ask him about that girl, again, "well I have answers for you but i'm not about to text it." OK, so he could continue to text me the entire day but once it's for the truth he can't text anymore? I told him that was the last chance/hope that we can move forward and he didn't take the opportunity.
I even sent screenshots to my best friends since she can help me have clarity and she can clearly see he's avoiding answering my questions.
It sucks, I want the truth. I'm desperate for the truth but I know I'm not going to get it and I know I need to accept that and forgive him and move on alone.
Reading your stories is crazy and scary, I feel like he's had a double life for a long time and it's finally coming to light. I've been blinded and ignored all the signs, told myself he loves me and he'll always love me but I bet there's been at least one other girl in our time together who has felt the same thing.
He's stolen 12 years of my life, years I could have used to meet someone new, someone honest, I could have had the sincere relationship I've always wanted.
Talk anytime!
I to was with a man for 21 years that I found out was having a relationship with an other woman. I remember it felt like my heart hit the floor. He had gone to work and left his email open I sat down to use the computer and was closing his account when I saw a file labeled Erin I click on it and found a years worth of emails between my husband & Erin.
I tried to save our marriage we have 2 children he said he lived me & that was a lie too because 2 years later it was then Kathleen.
The first time they cheat believe it. Yeah know that one saying once a cheater....
Believe that too....
Don't waste another minute on him. He's not worth it.
It's not easy to move on & get over this...god knows I've done it all...therapy, clearings, energy healings, hypnosis...it's that clique...time heals all....or what don't kill you makes u stronger ....hope I helped...it made u smile
It's so scary thinking of what my new norm is going to be, i've never been a single adult for more than a month or so, so i've never felt normal alone. He's been my whole life.
An even scarier thought thought? Getting married to him like I wanted, having another baby like I wanted, just to find 1, 2, 5, 10 years down the road that he continues to show this behavior. It's tough.
All I can think of is how much I loved our life, I loved the things we would do with friends/family, and now I feel like I have no one. My best friend is married to one of his best friends. My closest family is his family. Everyone I could think of to go out and do things with is his family and friends.
How did you all handle this? and did you experience any guilt over "ending" it?
My mistake was this: 2 weeks ago I got black out drunk and according to him was rubbing on some guy and had my face close to his and "probably" licked him. I don't remember anything. I apologized and felt so awful, I felt disappointed in myself for acting a way I myself cant stand and for disrespecting him like that. He forgave me and we went on my planned bday trip..the night we came back is when I found everything. He is of course using this and telling me "I had to let it go why cant you?" I effed up but I didn't carry on this behavior for over a year, day after day.