Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I remember when I went through my breakup and when I went through my divorce. I kept expecting her to look for me. I kept expecting her to reach out. Expecting a text on my birthday. Expecting her to care. I expected her to respond positively to my begging. I expected to be understood. I expected so much from a person who was not what I needed in my life. Wondering constantly if she felt something, or if I even crossed her mind. And now I realize how toxic it is to expect anything from anyone except yourself. Even from your family, friends or the person you are with at the moment.
Expectations always lead to disappointment. ALWAYS.
We keep expecting for someone who doesn't care to show signs of remorse. The reason is all in our hurt self esteem and hurt ego. That's it. But what if they actually come back? (let's play the what if game) What if they come back and apologize? What if they finally realized what a great guy or girl they lost? What if they realize all the bad they did and want to change? Would that truly make us happy or would it just cover the pain and give us a quick fix for the moment? Honestly speaking we let them go or they let us go for a reason. If things were working out then we wouldn't be here and we would still be with this person. They are gone because they were not meant to be in our lives. AND GOOD RIDDANCE.
They are not the ones that will heal us. WE will heal ourselves when we finally take them off the pedestal, see them for who they truly are (NOBODY is perfect), and look at ourselves in the mirror and can honestly say to ourselves "I GOT THIS."
Friends please stop waiting, stop expecting, stop pretending and stop torturing yourselves. They are gone and if they are not gone then they should be. NO CONTACT is the best way to heal. Even if you are only on a break or you were the ones who messed up, you still have to go no contact and work on yourselves. Don't rebound into another relationship EXPECTING things to be better or EXPECTING to find peace. If you are not at peace with yourself, and if you do not love yourself, then you are bound to repeat the same drama and mistakes of your past relationship.
Take the time to heal and stop looking for your ex or another person for answers. Everything you need is in you. Work for it. And work HARD for it.
I know each and everyone of us can do it. Let go of the drama in your head and quiet the mind. Quiet the heart. Learn to stop needing and expecting anything from anyone. Especially your ex. Learn to be independant and to be your own strength and happiness. Only then will we find peace and tranquility. Only then will we be truly happy. Otherwise our happiness will always be shortlived.
HAVE A GREAT TUESDAY EVERYONE. BIG HUG TO YOU ALL.
PeppermintPatrick: It took a while to be able to do this but once it became a habit it was a relief. I only TEXT my ex wife when it has something to do with our daughter. If it is something extremely important then I call or she calls and we are coordial with each other but we keep to what is needed to say and then it is good-bye. After a while of doing this it became a habit. Yesterday she came to drop off some clothes for our daughter and gave me a bag. Inside was some food she made (She has a catering business on the side) which she knows is my favorite dish and she made extra for me. It was a nice gesture on her part but that's what it is nowadays. Just nice, friendly gestures we have with one another as respect for the mother or father of our child. She is no obligation to do anything and neither am I. But this is YEARS LATER. In the first couple of years it was only texts when NEEDED and strictly about our daughter. No nice gestures. No friendship. This came once we had BOTH healed from our wounds and we were both over each other and we were both in a good place as individuals.
Today our daughter can see both of us happy in our lives and she has stability in hers. So again... NO CONTACT is important at the beginning and can be done even in the most difficult situations. In our cases we can't do it 100% so limit the contact to only the basic. No drama, no friendliness no chats, nothing.