Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I suppose I'm just looking some advice and reassurance here, if anyone can offer I would really appreciate it.
My ex boyfriend and I decided to take some time apart approx 7 weeks ago. He had issues with guilt and depression in relation to his child from a previous relationship. We spoke on and off for around 4 weeks, and even met up for a chat during this time. He had always implied he intended on us reconciling after time to seek therapy and clear his head. I was agreeable to all this and went to see a therapist myself to help with issues of codependency.
Around 2 weeks ago I suggested we take time apart and not talk/text etc to really make a decision on where to go from here. He didn't really want to but after that conversation I didn't hear from him so assumed that's what we were doing.
Fast forward to today, I get a message from him saying we are clearly over and let's just leave it. When pressed he said he didn't want never wanted the no talking time. I asked why he didn't bother to contact me then and he said I clearly wasn't interested. Instead of my usual running to fix things and make him feel better I stood my ground and told him he didn't make the effort to reconcile and expected me to do everything. He doesn't value me or the relationship and if he doesn't want to try then yeah he's right we are done.
He didn't take this well and seemed angry at me but I felt proud of myself for saying what I really felt, and telling him that he is the reason we will not work. I have done so much for him and been typically codependent in nature. Today I feel I turned a corner and although I'm sad we aren't going to work out I have no regrets.
Do you guys think I did the right thing and if so, how do I now adjust to life without someone? (As a codependent type I have very rarely been single as I fear the notion of being alone)
Thank you in advance x
My ex boyfriend and I decided to take some time apart approx 7 weeks ago. He had issues with guilt and depression in relation to his child from a previous relationship. We spoke on and off for around 4 weeks, and even met up for a chat during this time. He had always implied he intended on us reconciling after time to seek therapy and clear his head. I was agreeable to all this and went to see a therapist myself to help with issues of codependency.
Around 2 weeks ago I suggested we take time apart and not talk/text etc to really make a decision on where to go from here. He didn't really want to but after that conversation I didn't hear from him so assumed that's what we were doing.
Fast forward to today, I get a message from him saying we are clearly over and let's just leave it. When pressed he said he didn't want never wanted the no talking time. I asked why he didn't bother to contact me then and he said I clearly wasn't interested. Instead of my usual running to fix things and make him feel better I stood my ground and told him he didn't make the effort to reconcile and expected me to do everything. He doesn't value me or the relationship and if he doesn't want to try then yeah he's right we are done.
He didn't take this well and seemed angry at me but I felt proud of myself for saying what I really felt, and telling him that he is the reason we will not work. I have done so much for him and been typically codependent in nature. Today I feel I turned a corner and although I'm sad we aren't going to work out I have no regrets.
Do you guys think I did the right thing and if so, how do I now adjust to life without someone? (As a codependent type I have very rarely been single as I fear the notion of being alone)
Thank you in advance x
I think you are making the right steps in breaking up with him since it was codependent and you we're having a lot of problems.
Congratulations on your no regrets stance re: your breakup. that's how I feel about my recent breakup too. He was emotionally abusive, he stole a bottle my Klonopin, I didn't want to marry or move in with him and we'd been dating for 2 1/2 years off and on. There were just too many problems so although he wants me back already I have to say no.
I know its hard to be alone. Here is a great video that may help.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs
A wise therapist once told me that in order to have a healthy loving relationship w/another person, we must first have a healthy loving relationship with ourselves. I believe this is true.
Please take this time to get to know and love yourself!
~healing hugs~