Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
hello folks...
It has been just about six years since I caught my ex-wife cheating and we split.
I was 31 and she was 28. The man she was cheating on me with was 23.
Today, I'm 37. Although we do not keep in touch, some of our friends talk to both of us. I found out from one of them a few days ago that now that she is 34 and he is 28, she's too old and he rather go after the younger gals.
During that time, I was busy working while she was pretty much a house wife with a lot of time on her hand. This young guy most likely wanted to get in her pants. Young guy, older woman. you know? I told her too. I tried to stop her. She said she would stop but disappeared again. When I confronted her, she claimed she had to go say bye to him and I decided that I was moving on with my life.
She didn't take me seriously until she was served divorce papers. Even then, she still wasn't really sure I was serious. Then, one day her mother calls and I tell her mother that I'm getting re-married and that I didn't think my new wife would appreciate "them" calling me.
Next thing I know, she shows up at my door crying. She told me how she was stupid and how she had lost me, blah, blah. She said she knew I was getting married. She asked me what I thought she should do. I said it was up to her. She said she was going to try and make things work with the 23 year old.
We said our good byes. I just had to type this up to get it off my chest. It's incredible how a 23yr old could come in and ruin our marriage (although I do understand it takes two to tango). and yes, deep down inside, I'm sure I still love her one way or another. She was a big part of my life and had I not re-married, I knew I would have gotten back with her and I knew she'd cheat again. That was the 3rd time she cheated on me by the way.
Thanks for reading.
It has been just about six years since I caught my ex-wife cheating and we split.
I was 31 and she was 28. The man she was cheating on me with was 23.
Today, I'm 37. Although we do not keep in touch, some of our friends talk to both of us. I found out from one of them a few days ago that now that she is 34 and he is 28, she's too old and he rather go after the younger gals.
During that time, I was busy working while she was pretty much a house wife with a lot of time on her hand. This young guy most likely wanted to get in her pants. Young guy, older woman. you know? I told her too. I tried to stop her. She said she would stop but disappeared again. When I confronted her, she claimed she had to go say bye to him and I decided that I was moving on with my life.
She didn't take me seriously until she was served divorce papers. Even then, she still wasn't really sure I was serious. Then, one day her mother calls and I tell her mother that I'm getting re-married and that I didn't think my new wife would appreciate "them" calling me.
Next thing I know, she shows up at my door crying. She told me how she was stupid and how she had lost me, blah, blah. She said she knew I was getting married. She asked me what I thought she should do. I said it was up to her. She said she was going to try and make things work with the 23 year old.
We said our good byes. I just had to type this up to get it off my chest. It's incredible how a 23yr old could come in and ruin our marriage (although I do understand it takes two to tango). and yes, deep down inside, I'm sure I still love her one way or another. She was a big part of my life and had I not re-married, I knew I would have gotten back with her and I knew she'd cheat again. That was the 3rd time she cheated on me by the way.
Thanks for reading.
I wonder, did you ever get any therapeutic help to get past this relationship and the hurt it caused you? I hate to say it but it sounds like you are still holding on in a way. I could be completely off base but in the time that your ex left, you managed to pull your life together, meet someone new, decide to propose and start a new life with someone. Why would you be concerned with someone that deceived, lied and hurt you?
I realize you are using this forum to express something you've needed to (we all do that) and I do not want to discourage you in any way. I just wonder if maybe you are being fair to the new wife thinking about the old one with unresolved feelings/issues.
Sure, she is always going to have a piece of your heart. She was your wife at one time. Your past is an experience, it can't be changed.
I know I wish I had that elusive time machine, but I do not.
I believe the fact that she showed up at your door crying is what has brought up these current emotions. It'll pass, get back to focusing on your life, your job, your new family. Put the blinders back on.
Congrats on remarrying.
IHaveAGirlCrush:
I went through a lot of therapy. I was told that I wouldn't ever forget and I have not. I was told many other things that I have since forgotten. I learned to enjoy my life again and I learned to love again. Her being in my past is the same as my parents in my past.
We pretty much grew up together and spent the first half of our life together. I chose not to stay in contact and I chose not to interact with her but unless my memory is wiped clean, there is no way to forget. Holding on would be more like... not wanting to do new things or move forward. I feel that I have moved forward.
I wasn't concerned. I was in a "told you so" mood and had to let if off my chest. I couldn't keep it to myself, so to speak. I'm not trying to be evil or anything, just saying.
I thought to myself "no" but then I said sure. Then she said want to get married? Then, I said sure.
Why did I say that? Let me elaborate.
She was very happy with her life. She didn't need me for anything other than to be a companion. I'm sure she could have been with any other guy. I'm sure she could have been alone and she would have been perfectly fine. She was a great person and we both enjoyed each others time. Her ex-husband was a cocain addict and he beat her all the time, so I knew her previous divorce had nothing to do with her.
Even after almost 6 years together, every day still feels like the first day we met, the first week we went out, the first time. It is quite a remarkable thing.
The thing that helped the most was that while my ex-wife was cheating, I had gone through so many marriage books and advices of how to be a better husband. hahaha, and it all rubbed off on my new wife. Heck, I joke with my new wife all the time that had I not been divorced previously, I was certain I'd figure out how to screw up this marriage.