I suggest you stay out of it. Contact will suck you back into that old life and I don't know about you, but I fought pretty hard to get out of my old life and I don't care to go back there.

I concur.

its his responsibility to let his family know.

Doesn't matter. Not your problem anymore. He's blaming YOU for some of them? Do you think he'd give a sh*t about you if you were sick? I doubt it.

Let it be mama!

You aren't his mother. Let him deal with his issues... or not deal with them.... at his discretion.

I find it odd that he blames you for some of this health issues... I guess some people can't manage to take responsibility for anything huh? If he made poor choices and has a medical issue as a result, then I guess its time to pay the piper.

You make good points. I spent a good portion of my marriage taking care of him and his aches, pains, accidents and health issues.

But, when I had my only surgery in 47 yrs, sinus surgery, he argued about taking me, he did, but the minute I got home, he gave me a glass of wine, and left. I was supposed to have an adult with me 24 hrs after surgery, and I had to lie to the follow up nurse because my ex took the kids somewhere for the day to give me rest. Luckily, I did well, had prepared meals in advance, so I was OK.

Then, during the divorce I got the H1N1 flu, thought I was going to die. I couldn't get up, and when I did, I passed out a few times, but ex refused to help me. I was seeing someone, and unfortunately he hurt his back at work and couldn't help me, but made me laugh that his wife totally ignored him, he had to crawl across the floor only to find no food, I talked to him a few days later, and neither of us ate those days. We lamented that we lived 40 minutes from each other, neither of us felt good enough to drive that far, but we could have been miserable together.

I still don't know what I want to do. I'm more concerned for my kids.

I had to alert my brother and sisters about my mother's health. They ignored me, but 3 months later she died from a brain tumor.

Same thing happened with my father. He was having open heart surgery, even being the youngest, my family made me be with him during surgery, and when he collapsed days later, made me turn off life support and watch him die.

So, I've always been the caregiver, and it's hard to stop.

this is his edge of growth
it's his opportunity to mature


we all get our moments of calling

it's hard to do the growing if somebody 'saves" us

why would you contact his family? to find out more about his illness or to let them know he looks sickly?

if it is to tell them, forget about it, thats his job. If you are concerned about his health, then ask him if you care that much to know.

i guess i will be the devil's advocate here. i would advise you to follow your gut on this one and if your gut says to call a family member to let them know, then do it. he may not have the presence of mind to know how sick he is and to know when to reach out.

if i saw my ex and she looked poorly, i would contact one of her family members because if i didn't, someone else might not.

Would you call the family if there had never been a relationship?

I'd use your answer to that question as a guide.

I agree - don't bother. He's not your problem anymore. Just keep remembering how he treated you when you were sick. It will make you stronger. Leave it alone and let him fend for himself.

I did e-mail his sister that he spent the weekend with. I haven't heard back, yet.

My friend thinks he's just been like this the past 22 yrs, he's never going to change. She also said that he see's I've moved on with my life, I'm finally happy, and he can't move on. Which she also thinks my son sees this, and would rather be with me.

I'm not going to get stuck in his drama, but I'm worried about my son.