Two weeks before my ExH asked for a divorce, he was hanging out at the house of the mother of one of his sons friends from school and boy scouts. It was a "playdate" for the kids.
Two days after he asked for a divorce, they all went ice skating (how sweet)
Two weeks later, he "accidentally" fell asleep at her house after taking them all to a hockey game.
Then he slept there every night. He never left.

As far as Im concerned, theyre both scum for doing that and deserve eachother.
Relationships that start off on that sort of foundation are extremely unlikely to turn out unhealthy and are doomed.
Good for them.

I'm not saying this ex of yours is an emotional abuser, but one thing they have in common is the jumping into one relationship to another. They do not feel emotions like normal people.
After reading your other posts, I would have left this guy ages ago. The first time he was with someone else, I would have known he didn't care about me the way I cared about him.
I think you absolutely did the right thing!!!!!!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))

Getting ahead of myself, but my fear (apart from seeing them out and about together - I think I would die) is that if it gets rocky, he will come sniffing around again and catch me off guard, when I'm still feeling weak, and I will want to go back there to ease this pain.

I KNOW I shouldn't and I'm fairly certain I wouldn't, but he's very persuasive and on a day like today where my heart is literally breaking in my chest... I wonder whether my head would be strong enough to overcome that...

Right down every bad thing he never did to you and keep it with you at all times. Refer to it whenever you're having a weak moment. I have a mental list in my head, and at first I had to consult it several times a day; now only once every couple of weeks. You just have to reinforce in your brain why he's not good for you. It will stick eventually.

Hmm.

If I was ever bitten by a poisonous snake, I think it'd be pretty hard to persuade me to do it again, on purpose.

Gem is right. I had a post about the very same thing. Mere days after she decided on divorce she was seeing someone else and now moving in with him after only a few weeks.

Gem has it perfectly spelled out about emotional abuser. At least in my situation it was spot on. I am seeing a pattern here with other victims here and their stories.

What is also right is that relationships that start this way ARE doomed. They will end it they same way they ended it with us..with pain, abandonment, and running to the next person. Its a high, a fix they need. When the high is gone, they get anxious, find problems that do not exist or turn small problems into overwhelming issues so they have their excuses to leave. It does not give me comfort to know my STBX will suffer with this until she figures it out. Just the opposite. I want to shake her and make her see what she is doing. But I know that will do no good. She has to see it herself and I don't know if she ever will. She told me today (we are trying to be civil) what she did is how she "copes" and that she was sorry. Copes!?..no that is not coping..its running. Its hiding from the real issue and repeating the same mistakes over and over. It didnt say that though..my reply was "Its ok..Ill deal with it on my own" What else can I say.

Of course you are not at fault. These people are broken! They are toxic when it comes to relationships of ANY kind. They are to be avoided at all costs. They do not know how to love the way we do. They equate love with sex, material things, shallow things. When that stuff gets old..and it always does..they need to move on and chase that high.

We learn not to get involved with these kind of people again. That's all you can do. You DID do the right thing. You are better for it even though you might not feel like it today. You will and so will I.

Yup, my ex jumped right into a relationship after we broke up. In fact, the first time he called me in months he ended up asking for relationship advice!

I'm with you - I fear him popping back up looking for comfort because I am in no way ready to deal with him. I'm way too sad and still invested in our relationship. But knowing that fear is important and being aware of your vulnerability should help you make the right choices from here on out.

Just tell yourself that from here on out, you are putting yourself first. I'm also in the grieving stage and I secretly with the same things you do... but even if he did come back it would never be the same. He jumped to someone new and you were left broken hearted. That fact never goes away.

It's way easier said than done... and trust me, I'm struggling to follow my own advice here... but it's time to pack up the fears you have and just trust that things happen for a reason. There are good things coming that don't involve him.

Keep your chin up. I'm with you.

I totally understand how you are feeling! My STBX asked for a divorce, turned around, packed a suitcase and headed straight to her home...where he has been living since. I know it is hard to not think about them but try and keep busy. I drove myself crazy wondering where they were, what they were doing and I am pretty sure the stories I made up in my head were far worse than what was actually going on.

I just keep trying to remind myself that the only person I am in control of is me. It does me no good to worry about him/them...they certainly aren't spending their time thinking of me.

Chin up...you are strong and you will get through this. Take care of you!

My ex...lol...she was dating before we even separated so, yes, I feel your pain. You don't deserve the pain and you deserve to be happy. I know it is difficult to not think about what he is doing with the ow but try to keep your mind occupied. That kind of movie in your head will drive you nuts and is no good for your self worth.

You have recieved some great advice here. Take it in and use what you can. This is a safe place to ramble and vent. It is good to get it out. When things really start to get to you, come here and read and write. It has helped me tremendously and is still helping :)

Take care of yourself...

(((((Hugs)))))

-MsgtD- great analogy

Even if that didn't happen with your ex, you don't deserve this pain. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I wish I had a magic wand to take the pain away for all of us.

I think it is good and healthy that you are reaching out to get support - no apologies needed. :)

Almost instantly? If almost instantly is while we were still married then yes. My thoughts are its unfair that he got to hide behind someone else while I decided to face things head on and not hide behind anyone. Because really - where did that get me? Three years into healing and I've got PTSD and moderate to severe depression - zippide do da day. It makes me wonder if he didn't have the right idea - silly huh?

And then I come out of my sugar haze and realize once again - this tiny shred of hope that I did things right by facing them - because I know for sure I can look at myself in the mirror - right in the eyes - and even though I don't always like what I see - at least I can face me. And I know for sure with every fiber of my being that is something my ex still isn't able to do. Its a small comfort I know - but its what I have right now and I'm holding onto it. Because I certainly am not going to hold onto the idea that maybe my ex had the right idea.

Sending support and hugs your way.

xoxo

My STBX was on three dating sites, that I know of, before we separated and filed. He was texting with a college student in California as well. Ya. Don't ask me how they are so callous, or so inhuman, it really does make you sick just to think about it. I agree with Gem and Blueknight. And I think the list of the reasons why you need to not be with him, is brilliant. Remind yourself whenever you get the urge to call him, to try and see him. Stay strong girl, we r here supporting you. :) XXXXXX

I have the same thoughts, dreads, hurt. But when those feelings rise to the surface, I just ask myself, do I really want to be with a woman who has the capacity to hurt people she supposedly loves this bad. Do I really want to be with someone who has no conscience, no regret, no morals. If this is how she treats people she says she loves, how evil is she to people she hates. I now look at people differently. It's not how sorry they are, or how the act today, but what capacity to hurt others do they carry in their heart. I deserve better, so do you.

Yep. happened to me... 2 weeks. You learn in time to move on....

My ex got married as soon as he received the divorce decree and it took a year from the time I filed for divorce until the decree was received.

He obviously was involved with someone during the divorce, and maybe before the divorce--I don't know. But she divorced him too and so did others and now he's on the 5th marriage. He's got a high IQ and is very interesting to talk to, but is very dumb to changing his ways and thus all the divorces. And he's dumb enough to keep marrying instead of just living with someone.

Yes! I could have written that post a bit back. One thing about my ex is that he is co-dependent and he cannot be alone, or single for too long. He needs that emotional support and validation from someone - anyone. So, how I got through it...I grieved too...was to know that it went to shit for some very valid reasons. Both of us contributed to it all, and when I was in the place that you are in now, it helps to try to think of why it did go to hell.

And that trust factor you mentioned? I feel the same about never being able to trust him again. And with out trust...what do you have? Nothing. So, don't wait for, wish for or keep needing an I'm sorry or an explanation from him...b/c even if you go something akin to it...? Is it his truth? Probably not. Give yourself time to grieve how you need to, but don't bank on him coming back...don't hold your heart hostage like that. Take care of yourself...grieve...heal...and see what comes into your life next.