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Ex and the new girlfriend

Jojofor3
Jojofor3

Just a bit of background I will try to keep it short. We have had an on off relationship but I finally thought we had things sorted. We had a baby through ivf and he is a dream but I suffered bad with PND.he was making it worse and I had to ask him to leave. The exact opposite of what i wanted. I have tried several times by leaving him a way back but to no avail. He then starts to work away and we are getting on great and foolishly I think we are on track to at some point in the future sorting things out. I am hopeful of the dream family life I want. He then turns up with the new girlfriend when he brings back the baby. I'm totally devastated. She is young and pretty obviously. Half my age actually. Nonetheless it's the dream that is gone and I stuck with the stupid notion that we are meant to be together. I'm six months on from our seperation still in love with someone who doesn't want me. The loneliness is the worst. Having noone to talk to and being consumed by thought of him with someone else or conversation we will never have. I want to let go and I want to move on. How do I do that stick at home quite literally holding the baby. This is where I want to be. Just not on my own. Sorry for the long rant 

mirandac
mirandac
You will be better off alone than with someone like
That. Think coparenting as you two's future.

I would get into therapy and join a divorce Care
or breakup group to help with the grieving Process.

If you had post partem depression that Can be very
serious added on top of this new grief. Take care of
Yourself and your baby as your first priority, HUGS
Jojofor3
Jojofor3
Thank you for responding. It's hard most of the time and mostly I just need someone to talk to so it's not all in my head.
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
Hugs, my friend. I would show him the door and make sure that I would close it so softly that he would barely hear it. You can raise that child by yourself. If he wants to be part of that child's life, it has to be on your terms. All I see are red flags fluttering in full force. I rather be by myself than live with a controlling narcissist. Whenever I see the "ex" with his mother, I just smile, turn around and walk away. That will bother them more than anything I can say or do. You are young, smart and vibrant woman. Go and grab life by the tail and swing it.
mirandac
mirandac
Post away on here to vent and get support,
grieving Your losses is a big part of the whole
process. HUGS
bridgie101
bridgie101
To move on you have to accept what you've done, and what you've done wrong. I don't mean 'morally' wrong wooo, flagellate, flagellate,. I mean accuracy about who he was and how much he would put up with was not there. You miscalculated his loyalty and your power over him.

In short: you kicked him out and he hasn't chosen to come back for seconds.

I think when we're young we think we can flail about and others won't make the final call. But they do. And for what it's worth, it only has to happen to you once for you to learn it. Your next love affair will go better, because you will have more of a sense of the man in your life having his own free will and ability to choose what he wants, whether it's what you want or not.

Hurts but you may as well just sprinkle salt on it, slap it between two bits of buttered bread and choke it down. It's over now, and you need to adjust and figure out how you wish to live the rest of your life without this guy in it.
Jojofor3
Jojofor3
Our turbulent relationship has mainly been him leaving and me wanting and trying to get him back. When i suffered with PND i was so sad and needed him with me. I stopped going out and even getting dressed. He kept asking what was wrong and I said I was tired and asked him repeatedly to help with the baby at night. He rarely did this. He said there must be more to it. He then said he felt fucked over and used. That is when I asked him to leave. Again I didn't want this I was desperately needing help. I do take responsibility for asking him to leave and I should.of shouted louder or get the help we needed. I have tried to put it right because I want a family life with him. I guess I hoped he would.love and want me enough to fight for it and not just walk away
Dandelion
Dandelion
The PND sucks. I don't know if any man REALLY has the capacity to understand, though the good ones try to empathize.

He feels used and fucked over ? What? He doesn't want to be bothered, and honestly that's not a quality I'd be interested in when it comes to a life partner.

Life, especially now with a child, is going to require a lot more than he's apparently willing to give.
Dandelion
Dandelion
And he turned up with the new girlfriend?

What a sweetheart.
mirandac
mirandac
I am concerned about you, i hope you reach Out
for live support. A Women's aid group of some
Sort. That type of depression needs to be really
dealt with never mind His childish games.

You will be better off without him even though it
Does not feel like it right now. Keep reaching out
For live healthy loving support.

Asking and reaching out for help and support is a
show of Strength not weakness, help yourself get
thru This time and your new grief, HUGS
Dandelion
Dandelion
I totally agree.
I know it's got to be awful now, but you're better off without him.
You don't need two whiney babies.
Jojofor3
Jojofor3
Thank you so much for your support. Having people to message when I'm lonely and getting it all out of my head helps. Having people who understand and I can talk to already feels so much better
piecelost
piecelost
Oh Honey I'm so sorry for you! I know where your coming from. That is a horrible feeling, you focus on you and your baby, make you and your baby your happiness! HUGS
Jojofor3
Jojofor3
Thank you for your kind words piecelost. Sometimes it's so hard to focus on anything else except the pain and the hurt. Today is a better day. I'm hopeful for more of that
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