Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I'm married for almost 3 years now, I'm 25 with two children. My husband is a functional alcoholic who thinks he does absolutely no wrong and that since I come from a dysfunctional family and growing up that it's always me, there's something wrong with me. He went to rehab once in the course of our marriage after he ran me off the road in his truck and I filed for a divorce. But when he was finally sober, he was that amazing, handsome, intellectual man I married. I thought it would last, it didn't, only 3 short months of sobriety. I've left several times and i go back because...well, honestly, I don't know. I do love the man, I feel like a failure as a mother if I leave and can't give my children the things I didn't have growing up, but I feel like I'm choosing a man and his bad habits if I stay. He always talks me back into going back with "I'll change, i won't drink so much, I'll quit drinking" but it doesn't last. How do I stay away for good? Sorry if this message is a mess, I've never reached out for help/advice like this and so much has happened I don't know where to start.
There are many essentials which kids need to grow up strong and healthy, including security, structure, positive role models, stability, consistency, love, and emotional support. If your childhood was severely lacking in any of these essentials, you probably didn't recognize it as a kid, but learned how to adapt without it. Maybe you had to take care of yourself emotionally, or your siblings physically. Maybe you were never told you were loved, or you were abused. Whatever the case, your young brain was formed in that environment. You were familiar with it, and it provided a kind of safety for you because it was all you knew, even if it was unhealthy. You eventually grow up, and end up choosing a partner who allows you to feel a similar dysfunction, because it's what you know. That's my take, I firmly believe this applies to many people, me included. I understood all of this but it took a simple conversation with the marriage counselor for me to voice it and fully acknowledge it. From that point forward, I knew the marriage was done, and that I would no longer stand for my ex's BS. This might be the case for you too.
@jojored Thank you for the message, I believe you're right. I've given much thought to counseling and have looked into it a couple of times. I live in the country and can't seem to find someone that isn't almost two hours away to help me out. With two small children, makes it very difficult. I'm still searching though.
Praying for a healed, healthy marriage with a great testimony too.! Hang in there, you're doing great, don't feel guilty and pray for strength, courage and wisdom!