Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Married 10 years. He brought up divorce first...over a year ago. I was shocked! I was an idiot, and BEGGED and said let's work it out.
He was a real brat the one time we tried marriage counseling...blaming ME for everything, and saying he was "done". What's weird is we never took steps after that. We stayed together. But all the stress and heartbreak made me ill. So ill I landed in the hospital!
He barely came to see me, and did the minimum. I thought almost losing me would make him have a change of heart.
Here we are a year later after that. I have more clarity and see he was no good for me and is emotionally unavailable and doesn't do as much as a loving husband would. HE KNOWS I "deserve better" and has said so..a few times. He refuses to change. He's depressed and won't admit it, and gets mad when I suggest he go to counseling for HIM.
It's a lost cause. I know it is . A week ago I told him I finally agreed, divorce is best given what he has done this past year -which is essentially ignore me (solo vacations, etc). He didn't seem surprised. But a few days later..tears. NOW he seems genuinely sad I am leaving and mentions all I have done for him and how he doesn't know what he wants.
This rollercoaster has me fear I'll get sick again. We printed off the papers but have yet to do anything as far as file or go see a mediator or anything like that.
This sucks. It's gonna be like ripping off a band aid.
Everyone has different ways of coping with a breakup, not all of them healthy. A lot of times, when someone wants out of a relationship for whatever reason but doesn't know how or isn't brave enough to do it the right way, they get cold, distant, angry, and bratty. Usually because they've come up with a story in their heads about how evil you are and how much it's your fault. It's easier on the ego to justify and rationalize it in ways that fit the decision they've already made, without them being the bad guy in the meantime.
It's not because they're actually jerks in disguise (usually), it's so they can feel better about having to hurt someone they love. Sometimes, the reality can come crashing in that you're not the evil person they've made you out to be. The reality doesn't mean the split is now a bad idea; there's legit stuff that got everyone to that point in the first place, it's just that the truth has been laid out. And truth is ugly for some people when they have to recognize their own part.
Not defending him by any means, but just a possible explanation.
It sounds like you're on the right track though. Sounds like you've done everything right on your end. Stay strong, get through it, and you'll be brighter and happier on the other side. Sometimes the best way past the suck is straight through it.
Yes believe me I know it's a serious decision. But I tried to work it out. I can't be the only one trying. BOTH people have to want to make it work. And he didn't .
Point is if your man can't jump in to make things work any remorse thereafter is due to his own realization of mistakes. But it doesn't change who he is and the fact that didn't try when could. Hard to separate yes. But if he really had his heart into it you wouldn't be on here.
Good luck to you and take care of YOURSELF