Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
As I've recently posted, I am about 10 days into NO CONTACT with my ex Cory and have been doing much better. I still miss her terribly but i am able to function atleast!
Today, I ran into a common friend and I had a feeling they were going to bring up Cory's name to me. I try to avoid people who feel the need to bring up her name as I still find even hearing "Cory" painful. In anycase, there was no avoiding it and of course, the situation got brought up by the common friend. One of the comments that was made was that Cory said that even though I loved her son Matthew, I wasn't good for him. Even hearing this took my breath away! I started to sweat and really didn't want to hear anymore but I asked... Why was I "not good" for Matthew. The answer was that I spoiled him.
While I did tend to spoil Matthew, I assure you every single thing I did for him was out of love. Matthew's real father passed away before Matthew was even born due to an alcohol related accident. I have tried to be there for him from the day he was born without overstepping my grounds. I treated him as though he was part of my family and taught him how to play baseball, football, ride a motorcycle, wrestle, love, treat others with respect, take good care of his toys, operate a backhoe, a boat, a snowmobile and to service his minibike like a pro. I truly loved him from the bottom of my heart!
Why in Gods name would she say I wasn;t good for Matthew? I truly hurt me but i guess I shouldn't expect anything more from her....
No Contact may need to include running when i see these common "friends"
Let me know your thoughts...
Jim
Today, I ran into a common friend and I had a feeling they were going to bring up Cory's name to me. I try to avoid people who feel the need to bring up her name as I still find even hearing "Cory" painful. In anycase, there was no avoiding it and of course, the situation got brought up by the common friend. One of the comments that was made was that Cory said that even though I loved her son Matthew, I wasn't good for him. Even hearing this took my breath away! I started to sweat and really didn't want to hear anymore but I asked... Why was I "not good" for Matthew. The answer was that I spoiled him.
While I did tend to spoil Matthew, I assure you every single thing I did for him was out of love. Matthew's real father passed away before Matthew was even born due to an alcohol related accident. I have tried to be there for him from the day he was born without overstepping my grounds. I treated him as though he was part of my family and taught him how to play baseball, football, ride a motorcycle, wrestle, love, treat others with respect, take good care of his toys, operate a backhoe, a boat, a snowmobile and to service his minibike like a pro. I truly loved him from the bottom of my heart!
Why in Gods name would she say I wasn;t good for Matthew? I truly hurt me but i guess I shouldn't expect anything more from her....
No Contact may need to include running when i see these common "friends"
Let me know your thoughts...
Jim
Just my guess.
You probably find what has happened, is that Matthew has been giving her a hard time about not seeing you and asking why he can't spend time with you, which has probably been getting to her, and she doesn't like it.
So her only means of defense is to belittle what you did for her son. Also you have set the bar really high, and so now it is going to be tough for another guy to match up to that in Matthew's eyes which is going to be another thorn in her side.
Please don't let her barbs get to you. That is her intention, because it is the only defense she has against the love you showed her and Matthew. Nothing nice is going to come out of her mouth as far as you are concerned, whether she says it to you, or to people she hopes will pass it on to you. I am sorry they were heartless enough to tell you. Surely they must have known it would hurt.
As for the mutual friend? She's on your X's team. I told several people that I didn't want info about my X and they kept trying to feed it to me anyway. So I cut all ties with them too and let me tell you, it totally eased my anxiousness about dealing with them and hearing about him.
Good for you and no contact. Keep it up.
Be like Ali in his battle against Foreman. Rope-a-dope. Use this forum and other support systems as Ali used the ropes to help him absorb the blows Foreman was delivering. Eventually she will tire and you will emerge unscathed.
:-)
She is trying to break me down mentally and to break down other peoples opinion of me as well.
SOmetimes it blows me away just how cruel some people can be!
Thank you to everyone for the ongoing support and please write back as it helps so much...
Your friend
Jim
It is so, so cruel. Maybe it's human nature to lash out in hurt and revenge. Maybe some of us can just control ourselves better. I have tales I could tell about what my X tried to publicly say about me on FB but my sis set me straight. She said that the people who KNOW me would never believe any of the BS he's peddling. It made it a lot easier to let the gossipers and drama queens go.