It sure is normal, so, that's the good news. You're NORMAL.

Bad news: It happens for however long it happens, and there is no official time stamp, as everyone is different.

Try not to get too overwhelmed. Put things in perspective versus going from having no down time, to thinking about work, to her pissy attitude, etc.

If you feel sad, then let yourself BE sad. Who cares if it seems "weak"...you're human, and you're allowing yourself to feel human emotions.

One day...however long from now...her attitude will have little to no impact on your life or disposition. If she chooses to be pissy, let her be...maybe you will give her enough rope to really hang herself and have her say something stupid or make a stupid decision.

Above all, maintain your own dignity, John. When I got divorced, or when I was going through the process, I always (and still do) hold my head high and come at it from a place of grace and fairness. Do I have ulterior motives? Possibly, but I know that I always seem fair, pleasant, and easy to work with.

It's easy to react negatively in these situations...try not o let her see it.

A well-known speaker started off his seminar holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, "Who still wants it...?" Still the hands were up in the air. "Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We may feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE. You are special-Don't EVER forget it." If you do not pass this on, you may never know the lives it touches, the hurting hearts it speaks to, or the hope that it may bring. Count your blessings, not your problems.



It's okay to feel weak and vulnerable. It means you are human, nothing more or less. It's also okay and beneficial to cry.

Emotional tears have special health benefits. Biochemist and tear expert Dr. William Frey at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis discovered that reflex tears are 98% water, whereas emotional tears also contain stress hormones which get excreted from the body through crying. After studying the composition of tears, Dr. Frey found that emotional tears shed these hormones and other toxins which accumulate during stress. Additional studies also suggest that crying stimulates the production of endorphins, our bodys natural pain killer and feel-good hormones.



I think the biggest mistake is trying to suppress our emotions. That just drives them down deep, where they'll lurk and on a subconscious level adversely affect us until we deal with them.

We are supposed to get together Monday night to discuss the divorce and I'm not looking forward to it. I know it needs to be done but I can tell I'm going to be in shambles. I'm an emotional wreck just looking for its landing spot.

A 6-5 275 pound bowl of emotional jello that can't figure out up or down, in from out, black from white... I can't string together two tangible thoughts at times. I guess all I can do is hope she says or does something that gets me a bit angry. I don't snap then but maybe it will help keep me in focus.

Ttmi and simple guy - you guys have been in my corner - my rocks- since I came here and I can't thank you enough!!!!

Sux what u are going through and yes, it's so normal. All I can recommend is that when you can, get some rest and sleep. I remember being so tired and even feeling like I couldn't remember things or connect w/the world around, like I was too overwhelmed. What helped me was my desire and courage - I've always been a fighter and very optimistic - I got mad at myself for feeling so helpless and I slowly started making little changes in my attitude and thoughts here and there - it didn't happen overnight but I got better and today I have an immense amount of peace.

Try to study yourself a little - by that I mean, I was too attached to my relationship and I was just centering too much of who I was around it - I've always been very independent but my breakup thought me that we even need a certain level of healthy detachment from not just people, but from things. Nothing is permanent in life, w/that in mind, keeping a healthy level of detachment helps us cope when things/ppl are not longer around. We are able to stand on our own.

Keep your head up - it's okay to be sad and let the tears flow though, they are good for the soul.

John - every convo I had with my ex wasn't without fault, or bad decision, on my part at times. When I discovered he had been having an affair for 15 months, I allowed myself to be...well...pissed. But, it didn't last long.

Why? Well, here I was...(I think I was 30 or 31 at the time)...and I thought, "Where is the instruction manual for this crap?" My biggest step was realizing I was NOT alone. That there were and are people in my corner.

My Dad helped me to stay focused on "business". Sort my finances, my mortgage/deed, etc...all that "business" stuff like speaking with lawyers, asking the right questions.

My sister helped me to form my custody game plan. To get an agreement that worked well for both of us, but mostly, what I wanted.

My brother provided humor and relief from the seriousness. When I wanted to say what a tool I thought my ex was, my bro made me laugh.

My close girlfriends went out with me...dinner, movies, etc. They let me vent, get pissed, beh appy, all of it.

I had and then created several playdate parents for my son. I ended up forming strong relationships with some of the other mothers.

My point is, NONE of it happened over time. The week or two after my separation, I was a hot, crying, sobbing, depressed, sappy mess.

The day I found out my ex had been cheating and I realized he had lied to me for a long time, I was a fiery, angry, "no holds barred" broad, and knowing he basically tucks his tail between his legs, he was doing anything he could to make sure I didn't stay angry. I work extremely well while angry.

Now? I'm me. I'm three years post divorce, my ex is remarried to a decent woman, I have strong family support, a good job, and things are ok.

It took TIME. Time is a bitch, John...it's endless and unforgiving once in awhile, but it also HEALS.

John,

If anything, I might have posted something that gave you a glimpse of your own inner rock. A reflection of some aspect of yourself you recognized. We are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit, especially during times of stress.

Millie,

That second paragraph is very Zen! The only thing I would add is healthy detachment, at least as I view it, is detachment from our inner voice that is judge and victim, and all too often focuses on external validation and gratification.

I'm not suggesting ignore it (that wouldn't be healthy either!), only understand where its coming from. Be mindful. Be aware.