I m so sorry that you are so attached to him..
do you think you would be willing to try to date other men?

I'm sorry you are hurting, I too have been in a relationship in which I was doing all the giving and he didn't mind taking and felt no way about not placing anything on the table for me. although we weren't married I did duties as if I were a wife, I cooked, cleaned, laundry, occasionally sex, emotional support, financial assistance sometimes, This is very recent, One day I said to myself" you choosing him first why can't you choose you"? It was so weird how I forgot about my own needs chasing to fulfill his, You can't make someone happy you can only contribute to the happiness that's already there and they must do the same for you, You aren't hurting because you love him you hurting Because what was a 27yr habit had been removed and now you don't know who you are or what to do with this time you now have available, Go out and get you a Big Chunck of Life,. You deserve to make yourself Happy, how dare you ignore your needs for a cheating woman hating self-absorbed bastard, Forgive yourself for wasting time in this thing you called a marriage and simply start over,

What are you life goals, your bucket list?
He chose to put you last and always will, you are easy to him.
He knows if no one else will take him you will be his back up.
Why would you be someone back up plan?
Who is your back up plan?
Embrace your freedom, because once you do someone will come along and sweep you up off your feet.
Love yourself and live your life because once you do you will attract someone new wanting you for you.

I'm just really struggling with looking for his approval for everything. I dont know how to get past that. Between my codependency and lack of love for myself I don't know where to start.

Start at your mind:
what is your favorite book to read?
What is your favorite hobby?
What is one thing you have always wanted to learn or do?

Write out a list everything you would do if money was not an issue.
Take your time doing everything.
Focus on one think at a time, take extra time every day to focus on a single task, i.e. brushing your teeth, brushing your hair, doing your toes, washing your face.

go to the supermarket and say "hi" to every person you see, make two loops around the entire place before checking out or leaving.

Every day take one minute to write one thing, he did wrong or bad and explain why it was not healthy for yourself.

Join a dating site with no intention of dating anyone but just to talk and learn about them. Dont meet them or give any real information about yourself.

come back here daily

I am so sorry you are feeling sad. It doesn't sound like being with him is bringing you much joy, and that you want to be with him so that you don't have to be lonely. There are other people out there that can bring joy to you, and you deserve peace and love in your life. I know it hurts to get a divorce. It's like a death. I have been there. But good things can come your way if you are open to receiving them. Hang in there and don't give up!

I went to a divorce support group tonight it was interesting. Very helpful as well. One thing they stress on is we should not jump into another relationship. We need to find out who we are and love ourselves.

I'm sorry, it must hurt. I regressed in many ways after my break up too...so this is advice based on my own recovery mistakes that can hopefully explain and help you on your own healing journey.

When it comes to a self centered man...when you leave them...it actually makes them look at you...and go...she actually has the balls to leave me...hm...I am finally going to respect her.

But when you take them back...you're basically telling them...my boundaries are still weak and not only am I going to forgive you for what you have done, I might be willing to put up with worst behavior than before.

I know it sounds horrible...but that's what they are thinking. They are not thinking...my ex wife is so loving and forgiving now, and she's acting ok with me sleeping with others and her...I must take her back and be monogamous. NO....they don't think like this.

A selfish/disordered/abusive/chronic cheater...doesn't think like a kind man...he thinks like a selfish, what's in it for me, what can i get away with...she's so weak...I can get my way with anything now.

Now...that's the honest truth. Hard to read, harder to accept...but that's what's happening to you, me, and many other women longing for our abusive exes.

You tried getting back and now you know it's not going to work. You guys are no longer on speaking terms. That's actually great! Because you don't have to be constantly retriggered and put back in the game of does he like me or not.

It's time for you to truly grieve. 27 years is no joke. Memories, kids, vacations, special moments....bad times...good times.

Then you will get angry...and switch back and forth from a range of emotions. Allow yourself to feel everything.

Loneliness is real. You are feeling lonely right now. I feel lonely at times. But I also remember I felt very lonely many times in my 16 yr abusive relationship as well. Remind yourself...you felt lonelier then....but now...you can do something about it.

Loneliness is our societies new disease amongst an age of digitial connection. I know teens who feel very lonely, with 1.000 facebook friends. I know married women who are feeling very lonely. I know social people, who still feel very lonely to the core.

What you need to do...is make connections. They are not just about romantic connections. Spend more time with your friends, make new friends, join meetup groups, get involved in church, join a hobby class, learn to play the piano, find a new coffeehouse and become a regular, volunteer.

I find the more I interact and be around others, my loneliness gets less and less...despite not having a man.

This is way too long now...but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Sending you light and love!

Thank you. Great advise!