Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I'm kinda new here and not alot of you know my story, but basically I became engaged to the love of my life in a whirlwind romance. He got cold feet and ran. We have been able to work past the initial trauma of that event and were slowly getting back to us. My main goal was to try and work things out and become a couple once again, but not necessarily move back in with each other or become engaged again. I knew it was going to take time, I was willing to wait. And things were going pretty good.
Then I decided to quit smoking while he was out of town visiting family back home. He had told me he was wanting to quit and I thought I could offer support by quitting as well. Since I've quit smoking I've become a raving lunatic. Swinging wildly between viciously angry and devistatingling sad with a sprinkling of hystical laughter thrown in. I feel like I'm going crazy!
Anyway, in a moment of rage I viciously attacked him last night. (We have never blamed each other for the breakup). I even accused him of cheating on me! What in the hell was I thinking??? I KNOW he wasn't cheating on me. He never said a word. Just took it. Then said good bye.
And now he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. And I'm feeling so desperate to call him up and beg for for fogiveness but the only outcome I see from that is me appearing to be some spycho broad to be avoided.
I sent him an email this morning that simply said "I'm sorry"
I don't know what else to do. I know I have about another week and a half till all the nicotine withdralws go away. But in the mean time I need an outlet. I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't get all this pent up emotional crap out of me. I don't want to destroy any other relationships while I'm withdrawing.
Then I decided to quit smoking while he was out of town visiting family back home. He had told me he was wanting to quit and I thought I could offer support by quitting as well. Since I've quit smoking I've become a raving lunatic. Swinging wildly between viciously angry and devistatingling sad with a sprinkling of hystical laughter thrown in. I feel like I'm going crazy!
Anyway, in a moment of rage I viciously attacked him last night. (We have never blamed each other for the breakup). I even accused him of cheating on me! What in the hell was I thinking??? I KNOW he wasn't cheating on me. He never said a word. Just took it. Then said good bye.
And now he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. And I'm feeling so desperate to call him up and beg for for fogiveness but the only outcome I see from that is me appearing to be some spycho broad to be avoided.
I sent him an email this morning that simply said "I'm sorry"
I don't know what else to do. I know I have about another week and a half till all the nicotine withdralws go away. But in the mean time I need an outlet. I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't get all this pent up emotional crap out of me. I don't want to destroy any other relationships while I'm withdrawing.
Btw you should be quitting smoking because its good for *YOU*. No ones going to quit because of someone else, and he's an adult that decides if he wants to pick it up and light it.
We had talked about qitting smoking together before, we both wanted to, just never did. I have been wanting to for a while, so him saying he was going to was kind of like incentive, I guess? IDK.
Anyway, I know it would be a really bad idea to contact him anymore at all. So I'm using all of my will power not to. Trying to distract myself anyway I can. But I need an outlet. This website helps a lot. Reading other people's stories and trying to offer some sort of understanding helps me to put things into perspective. I have calmed down a lot since I first posted this. I still feel the ache in my heart but I no longer feel like I'm going to explode if I don't do SOMETHING.
I really hate this out of control feeling. It's not the normal me. I'm a very grounded and level headed person. Logical to a fault, and a bane to my friends. So THIS is just crap.
I will be fine in another week and a half, once my system is cleared of all the toxins.
Thank you for respoding.
one of the reasons I contacted you on the list was because of your parental situation. i was adopted... I have huge abandonment issues.... Going through my divorce, I was kinda forced to deal with and identify what it was that really set me off... It was his abandonment of his kids and me...
Part of the reason that you are going through hell right now is because he kind of abandoned you... this is a trigger - which might have unhendged some other stuff that you need to deal with first.
I agree with New Again - do not contact him... It will just do more damage (if there is a hope to get back together). Get okay with you, even if it means that you need to move forward as if you two are not going to be together. This place is a good starting point - but you have to LISTEN to what is being said... I remember commenting on another post and you going through each line saying - that's not true, no this was wrong, no he is not like that...
Take advice from those of us who are older or who have been through this ... we are really not trying to sabatoge your relationship - merely offering you what we think...
I wish you peace, love and understanding...
xoxoxox
I have tried dealing with my childhood issues before, but I just did't have the proper support network and it was entirely too painful. I was not strong enough to face my past.
And now that you menttion it, I think that's one of the reasons I felt we had such a strong connection. He came from a similar childhood, minus the sexual abuse.
But anyway, reguarding my apology email from this morning. He respoded to it. I was not expecting him to respond. I was not expecting to ever hear from him again.
All he said is " I don't hate you, just letting you go, but you always be in my heart"
This is really hard to read. Why can't he just be a jerk? It would be so much easier if he were a jerk. I'm not going to respond. I'm sticking with the NC.
you now have a wonderful opportunity! you can now seek out and create the relationship that you need. you have now seen what you like in a man and also somethings that you didn't... Take this opportunity to put that into words... make a list. decide clearly what you want, how this new and wonderful love is going to support you, what mistakes you made in the current relationship and how you can move forward from their in love and healing...
crying is good sometimes - don't hold back - acknowledge that you are hurt and you have every right to be... breathe and release it..
The tears won't stop coming and I feel sick to my stomach....
There is a quit smoking board here on daily strength...I recommend you head over there to help you deal with the quit, although I haven't seen others who experience the same as what you've described, it might help with the basics.
You need to be safe. Do you have a therapist? If you don't, it would be really good to set yourself up with someone as soon as possible. While you are doing that, make sure you have the phone number for a 24 hour emotional distress hotline....& don't be afraid to use it as often as you need to.
If you are still quit, good for you. Do the best you can to look after yourself. Eat well, get LOTS of sleep, drink lots of water. Get some exercise every day. Keep a journal & write all the crazy down instead of acting it out.
If you have started smoking again, I recommend you get some nicotine replacement. I used to be totally against this, but what good is quitting if you're only going to end up in the psych ward? The gum works fairly well & I think it's preferred to the patch because the patch is pumping nicotine into you 24 hours a day - you don't need or want that. You will be trading one addiction for another with the gum, but it is less evil & bad for you by FAR...you can deal with getting off the gum later...like, months from now if need be.
Exercise
write
drink water
talk to a friend, therapist & hotline worker
keep working at it until you're free
I wish you good luck, I know it is hard, but I believe success is possible as long as you keep trying.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Smoking-Addiction/support-group