They lie for the same reason they cheat. They are heartless, selfish individuals who clearly don't care about anyone other than themselves. How fortunate are you to longer have a person like this in your life??

I would tell whoever is keeping you up to date on her life that you are no longer tied to her and don't care what she is doing or who with.

There are far better thing ahead for you...

There are a lot of reasons why people lie, but none are really good ones.

Im sorry for what happened and how she handled it.

Welcome to the group

My ex lied too when I point blank asked her if there was someone else she said no. I found out 5-6 months later that was all bs. Why do they lie? I have read somewhere they are already hurting you and don't want to hurt you anymore. I don't know. That's as good a reason as any but I would've rather had the truth from the get go so I could stop all false hope and that nonsense. Now I'm 14 months post breakup and doing much better so it does get better with time.

thank all of you for your replies. I think she lied to me because she was afraid of what I might do if I knew what I might do . of course the guy is wealthy. she is a money whore

If they didn't lie they'd have to look in the mirror and face their true selves. If your ex really is a money whore, consider yourself lucky that you're no longer together and think of her as infrequently as possible.

"Why do they lie? I have read somewhere they are already hurting you and don't want to hurt you anymore. I don't know. That's as good a reason as any but I would've rather had the truth from the get go so I could stop all false hope and that nonsense"

Wouldn't that be nice if that was the case and they actually cared about not hurting you. I imagine they wouldn't have cheated in the first place if they didn't want to hurt you. My guess? Is that they lie because they know they wrong, what they are doing is wrong and they don't want to be given the label of the bad guy/girl.

Isn't that why people lie in general? I mean there are compulsive liars who lie just to lie, but usually a lie is to cover up what one is doing that is wrong and they know it.

she had the nerve to send me an email on valentines day saying hello and she bought some flowers for herself

and you said?

because they have to lie to themselves

I think refurb is right. They lie to themselves. When they blame shift, they lie to themselves. Any when they decide that they have made a mistake and want you back, they lie. The damage is done. Cheaters are liars, plain and simple.

People lie for for various reasons in such situations. May be she did not want to hurt your feelings, or may be she was not brave enough to tell you the truth. The reality is that she is engaged, and you have to move on. This is not easy. This process requires a lot off efforts over yourself. Time heals everything, this is truth. But, you too should do something to help yourself to feel better. There are lots of books and articles in this area. You can find many wise advises. I know how does it feel in your situation. I wish you to recover and to find a perfect match for you.

we dated for almost four years.she broke up with me a couple of times because I was not social enough. she went on three vacations in one year with her girfrends and never talked to me about her plans.there was also a problem wth her son in law and daughter, they did not like me . in fact, in time they would not talk to her and threaten her that she could not see her grand kids. so I am glad that I donot have to deal with those to sadistic people

I have meant a nice lady . she lives in the same area that my ex does. I am 60 miles away.i was going to move over there a couple of years ago( it is near the ocean). I have sold my house were I live now and get a apartment to be close to her. I may run into my ex on the beach sometime and I am not sure now I will feel

I'm sure others will disagree with me, but I dont really buy the
"I lied to protect you/I didn't want you to get hurt" line.

Why? B/c I don't really believe that logic.
What that line actually means, when it comes to infidelity anyway, is
"I didn't want to have to face your reaction and emotions."
They are already hurting you, they just think that if you don't know, it can't hurt you. And that simply isn't true.

Since I'm a nurse, I like the medical analogies. Lots of toxins can build up in our system over time, definitely hurting us, but we dont know it. There was even a psycho lady in my city that murdered 3 of her own kids and her husband by mixing antifreeze into their food for weeks. They felt a little sick, not violently ill, then BAM, dead. A diabetic with neuropathy can injure his foot and not feel it, leading to gangrene, blood poisoning, and even death. Point being, something can definitely hurt you even if you dont know about it. And that's what infidelity was in my life: a silent toxin, poison, gangrene, then death of my family.

A lie to "not hurt someone" is something like "Grandma is barely coherent, but is obsessed with Elvis and thinks he's still alive. It would break her heart to tell her the truth." But covering up infidelity to your spouse is done only out of selfishness and cowardice. Sweeping the "other man/woman" under the rug only helps the 2 affair partners, not the spouse.

I honestly think most people cover up affairs and/or "moving on" after their breakup because they dont want to lose the spouse as an option. They know if they admit their involvement with someone else, they could lose you as an option. Again, selfish. I have honestly never heard a valid reason for hiding infidelity. Not one sounds valid to me, and probably never will.

Sorry to hear you are dealing with this. I'd go total No Contact with her. She doesnt deserve the time of day from you.

I have encountered lots of ppl who lie - I've lied - I think it's a human trait - no lie is better than the other - sux, I know. I think it's best to let ppl go and wish them well. Welcome to the group and wishing you peace. Give it time - you will heal.