First time poster here and need someone to talk to, My wife has told be she no longer loves me. Things had been very stressful lately but i never saw it coming, i was gutted. I asked how long she felt like this and she said about a month. I asked why she did tell me sooner and she said she wasnt sure. I took it hard but asked what can i do to help her get it back and what we together can do differently. Her answer floored me, she said she doesnt feel that way anymore and it wont come back. 10 years we have been together and she doesnt even want to try. She seems to be on a path of self destruction.
My wife has a rare gene mutation which gives her siezures which have started coming every 2 weeks or so. The last 2 years her personality has started to change. She is currently lashing out at everyone around her. She is posting rants on facebook about how her friends never invite her places anymore but cant seem to understand that this only pushes them father away, her mother has basically disowned her because of her lashing out and sister is trying to help but has a young child to come first. I have always been there for her, always. Everytime something happened i was at the hospital, i would be there until they kicked me out at night, alway by her side. The one person that was.
She see a neurologist and psychiatrist monthly. She take lots of medications from them both. This is very expensive. I work long hours at a physically demanding job to be able to pay the morgage and support her. She also works short days, 4 days a week. I do 80 to 90% of the house work, i clean, i wash, i cook. I dont sleep much because im always on edge because when she jerks in her sleep i think she is having a siezure. This physically wrecks me. I mostly want to relax and sleep on weekends. She wants to go out and do things. Which has become a problem for us. She blames we that we never go out but never orginizes anything herself.
She has become extremely impulsive, she has started stealing things from shops. I sat her down and told she cant do that. We talked to her 2 doctors which said they cant give her anything for it and gave her paperwork to read about it. But she just cant control herself. She spends all our money to the point that sometime we cant pay the morgage. I started going without trying to save what i could. I tried to get her to help with the finance so see could she were all the money was going but she just said it was too hard. She blames me we have no money to go out for dinner but spends hundreds of dollars a week on herself. Her impulses are controlling her and nothing seems to help.
Before it seem like im just hating on her im far from perfect however, there a things i have done and said i was i could take back. I have never cheated on her, i have never raise a hand to her but the stress of work and being her full time carer have gotten to me. She said i am controlling because i message her when she is out. I do it to check in because i worry about something happening to her. I stopped messaging her when she was out after she told me it was an issue. I have become easily frustrated, overstressed and even yelled at her over things. I am a jealous person and I have accused her of cheating. I have said nasty things at the worst times. I admitt that i shouldnt have and even said i would see a counselor about all of the things above but she didnt seem to care.
I convinced her for us to try a 1 month seperation to see if she still feels that same at the end of the month. She doesnt seem to want to try however. I cant get my head around that she doesnt want try. I have done things wrong but im willing to try anything to save our marriage. She admitts that i have done far more right then wrong and that she will alway love me in away and be thankful for all the hard work i done supporting her. Even saying no one could have do better. But again just doesnt want to try. She says she is a burden on me.
She seems to blame me for everything, she doesnt seem to understand that she could do things differently to help me aswell and improve our marriage. Everything is up to me. She wont let me talk to anyone about whats happening incase we manage to sort things out, so they dont hate her. She seems to know that she is throwing me away like a used piece of junk. I have worked so hard, gone without so much so that she could have and sacificed my mental and physcial health for her.
Im so confused. I have eaten in days. Im not really sleeping. Im terrifed of the future if we do split.
Im scared for her too. Even after all this i still love her with all my heart. She is putting her life in danger if she is alone and has a siezure, i dont think she will be able to support herself or pay for her medications without me. I dont want anything to happen to her. She basically has no one to turn too for help. I believe she is almost having a mental break down despite what the doctors say. Even if we split i will still try help her the best i can.
But things cant keep going like they are. She cant expect only me to change. I know her condiction may never get better, it may even get worse and i except and still want to be there for her but somehow she need see that her impulsiveness has done the most damage to our marriage and want to work on it. But she just says this is the way she is now.
Just so so lost. To me a marriage is worth the fight to keep and not something you just throw way. She seems want to be alone despite the danger and the doctors cant do anything the help the situation. But i cant help her if she wont let me or sees she needs help.
Long post sorry. If anyone has been through something similar or have some advice for me. Unfortantly i think that most people i know in real life will tell me to walk away. And in think we do split i will check out of any possiblity of us getting back together.
I met a Tibetan llama (Im not name dropping here, I just happened to meet this man). One day we were sitting, having tea, and talking about the childhood abuse I was trying to brush off when we were together. He saw through my mask quite easily. He.said to me, you know what?We would never allow any kind of abuse. As humans, if we saw abuse happening in the street right now, we would instinctively...