Several months ago I was in a happy relationship that had been going on for 5 years. It was a semi-long distance relationship since for most of it we were going to seperate colleges a couple hundred miles away from eachother but we lived in the same hometown so it was easy to plan weekends home and we saw eachother a lot during holidays and summers. Being a couple years older I graduated first and we had a discussion about what we wanted to do. I could permanently move somewhere I could get a high paying job with my degree or move back home and try to find work there, we decided the latter so we could see eachother more easily. The next couple years went as expected, we saw eachother at least once a month during the school year and all the time during the summer and holidays, I got a job that I'm overqualified and underpaid for but money was never an issue. She was graduating a few month ago and the plan was to move-in together in another city while she went to graduate school. During our time together we talked a lot about sex and we agreed that since we had to spend so much time apart from one another that we could sex other people if we followed some rules that we discussed at length, but neither of us had ever acted on the permission. A month before she graduated she called me and told me that she had slept with one of her classmates, this broke most of the rules that we had laid out, the biggest ones being that you were supposed to let the other know before it happened and that you needed permission from the other person as well. I decided not to bring this up since I trusted her and figured that she had just forgotten and I was going to see her the next weekend. The next few days went by normally we talked everyday like we always did and everything seemed fine. Then she texts me and says that things with the other guy had gotten weird, I asked her to elaborate but she said she needed the weekend to figure things out, so I ended up not visiting her. After the weekend she told me that we were going on break, I had no say in this and I begged her to talk to me but she said she didn't have any answers and that she needed to do this. She promised me many things, that after a month went by we would see where we were and what we wanted to do, that she would give me a chance to fix things, that she wouldn't break us up until I got said chance, and that she wouldn't continue seeing the other guy long-term. For the next month she effectively ignored me, even if I was just asking her how her day went, this also ment I missed her graduation. When she got home we saw eachother and she let me know that she wasn't going to keep any of the promises that she made and that we were finished. she acted like she cared about how I was feeling and she apologized for what she was doing but I don't know if any of that is true at this point. We had never had a major fight, we were never bored in eachothers company and by all standards we had the best relationship out of anyone that I know.

It's been a few months now and I'm still dealing with the fallout. I still feel angry and depressed and betrayed and abandoned and all these other things... made worse of course because of the fact that it was caused by the person I loved and trusted most in the world. I have breakdowns and bouts of anger whenever I'm alone and not distracting myself and I'm getting really sick of it. I also feel like I've wasted the last couple years of my life since I was staying in town and working a job I don't particularly love for her and now most of my friends have left town or are having kids so I feel constantly alone. I don't know what to do at this point but I felt like I needed to rant so if you've read this far I thank you for listening.