Hugs, and more hugs. It is so hard. Given your situation, he should realize it's A) way too soon, and B) very confusing for A. I'm sorry. I know how you feel on this one. I wish I could make it easier for you. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((Llmt)))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((llmnt))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry for your pain! Unfortunately, part of moving forward is doing things with your new life. One day, you too will have an outing that will include someone else.

I also think it is very disgusting of him to be so flip about your feelings while you two are still under the same roof but, he has moved on. You deserve better than this. I hate your pain and all I can do is just say a prayer for you to have strength through these times of hell.

((((((LLMT))))) I would feel the same way you do. I'm so sorry, hon. I don't know how you handle this.. I have heard some have had success with getting things legal as far as having a boyfriend/girlfriend spend the night, around the kids.. If it were me I would ask my lawyer, to make sure there wasn't anything i could do, from a legal standpoint...but I might get laughed at, since it is not spending the night. I have no idea what is really possible. I wish I could take this away from you...

Letting go sounds like the best option here. You don't have any control over him and even if you voice your concerns about responsibility or appropriateness in the situation, it will probably fall on deaf ears. While it's incredibly difficult to let go while living with the person, do what you can.

Bawling like a baby is absolutely okay! It sucks right before your work day starts, but you can start your day over whenever you feel like it! Dry your tears, wipe your face, fix your makeup, take some very deep breaths while repeating positive messages to yourself, and then push through one hour at a time. Big hugs! It's not easy, but you can do it!!

(((((llmt)))) Arrrrrggghhhh!!! I am soooooo sorry that your stbx is acting like such a douche bag!! It is causing you pain.....but more important it is causing A unnecessary pain and confusion!! Is my memory correct? He is saying he can't move out because of finances...but he is going to high dollar sports events with another woman and her kids too? Isn't that expensive?? Girl.......just wish he would fade out of your life......wish there was anything else I knew to say to make things better...but I'm at a complete loss! Giant hugs and conintuing prayers for you and your sons from me in OKC! Cindi

((llmt))

I think it is utterly ridiculous that he is continuing his affair, in front of the children WHILE still living in the marital home.

What does your lawyer say? He needs to get out if he wants to behave like he is single.

We live like room mates anyway...it's over and he is going to do what he wants...guess that gives me free reign too. Just feel helpless cuz there is really nothing I can do or say, they are his kids too. I just feel at a loss. Sometimes I feel no better. You know I don't even consider it a marital affair anymore...don't really care...papers are served it's just a waiting game. At least it's out in the open...just NOT discussed. It just hit me like a brick b/c he never said they were all going and A just came out with it. Took me aback even though we discussed our kids being around hers...I guess I knew it was coming at some point...just thought he would tell me rather than find out this way.

Yup. Unfortunately, it is discovering these things that is a repeated punch in the stomach.

For me, it was in the focusing on me that took my focus off of him and "the things he did to me". At some point, I realized that he could do pretty much anything and, if I was focusing on me, what he did had less-and-less of an effect. Now, nothing shocks me. As long as my children are safe, he can go and catch whatever he wants.

llmt, I would feel the same way - almost - I think the only difference would be that I would be in jail for trying to beat the crap out of him. Once you're divorced and he's out on his own, I think that's a bit of a different story, well maybe. I know my Ex has a girlfriend with a son about our son's age, If I find out that my Ex is going to her kids school sports functions I will be livid - because he would never go to our son's school functions unless I dragged him with me.
So, Yes I understand how you feel. he should have been on the up and up with you so the 2 of you could have discussed it first. He sounds very selfish and possibly controlled by her.

Ask him to let you know ahead of time from now on so that you could digest the information and don't have to hear it from someone else after the fact. And at that time the two of you could discuss the impact it might have on the kids.

Remember and remind him, that you will always be Co-parents and the best interest of the kids should be his and your priority. (http://www.helpguide.org/mental/coparenting_shared_parenting_divorce.htm)
Stand Tall my friend.

Ugh, my stbx took my stepdaughter out with OW and her child within a couple of weeks of leaving, so I know exactly where you're coming from. In my case, I couldn't say anything because it was my stepchild and not my biological child. BUT as his mother, you absolutely have a right to say something. It was extremely feckless of him to introduce your child to OW before the divorce is finalized. The last thing your son needs is to risk getting attached to someone who may or may not be around in a year. What is he supposed to learn from this, that people (including Mom) are disposable and interchangeable? In general, as a single mother, I have never introduced my child to someone until I was absolutely sure that the person would be around for a long time and until I was sure that my son could handle it. IMO, prematurely introducing my child to people is irresponsible parenting.

My son's biological father (not STBX) and I discussed this back when my son was born and agreed to discuss any introductions of new SO's with each other prior to making them to my son. We've been doing this for nine years without incident. That way, if an issue did arise we were both prepared to handle it and we knew that we wouldn't have a revolving door or people in and out of my son's life.

Not only that, but kids are very loyal. Bringing him around OW, before he has moved out of the house had to have been confusing for him. Kids are not as stupid as we'd like to think.

That is so very hard. I'm sorry you have to go through that. It sounds like your stbx needs some tact. Hope I'm not stepping on any toes. But that's my humble opinion. Sometimes it easier had you not even known, but all you can do is just focus on things you can control. You can't control how he will be or what he'll do with your kids (to some extent) so you can't get bogged down by it.

It looks like I am going to be in the minority on this one but I will say my peace.

OH HELL NO! Mother F....

While you two live under the same roof, there is no way in hell he would be mixing my kids with hers. What is that doing to the kids? This is already hard enough for them, it is not even a typical split. Mom and Dad still live in the same house but dad has his gf and her kids that we hang out with? YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

I want to fucking kick his ass. He's not man enough to move out even after HE is the one that caused this whole thing. And now he is dickless enough to take your boy out for a night and mix him with "her family"? My God this is going to come back and bite him in the ass. A is going to grow up and one day it will hit him - hey, dad was going out and playing new family while he was still living with mom.

For gods sake be smart enough to keep your kids innocent in all this and as pure as possiable. If he wants to play new family then move his ass out. Start his own home and show the kids that mom and dad are no longer together and there is a RIGHT WAY TO DO THINGS.

If he wants to keep ho bag on the side then fine - just keep the kids out of it until there is a visable break! And speaking from a mans point of view, keep ho bag out of the picture for them until he is certain his children understand and have accepted what has happened to their world. PUT THEIR NEEDS FIRST AND STOP THINKING WITH HIS DICK! The dick.

Just further proof he is scum, twisted and thinks of no one but himself. Use this as fuel. Fuel your anger toward him. Put that anger to good use and burn up the last remaining emotional feelings you have for him. Thank god the kids have you! YOU are the one that is seeing them through this. YOU are the one they will grow up and admire. YOU are the one that deep inside they will respect. Take pride in that L, you are not losing you are WINNING.

You soon get to setup a home free from his bull shit. I PROMISE his home is going to be full of strife and conflict. My kids call it drama. They said something to me a few months ago that really has stuck with me. "Dad things are so drama free with you, home is relaxing and fun. There is no big ups and downs (like she brings). Just really made me smile. Now it is your turn.

One last thing, if you start a lottery and sell tickets to see who gets to kick your STBX ass, put me down for $20.

Sorry - this just must have hit me in a bad way. Hope I did not offend.

Moderator: If you delete my first post please leave this one...

L call me, I will give you my two cents...

(and $20 bucks:)

What BrokenDad said...

I liked Reply #12.