So sorry you are suffering. He is not worthy of you if he believes his commitment to a potential spouse is contingent on a "butterfly feeling." True love doesnt come until two people choose to persevere when things get tough.

Nothing will seem to help at first. Start focusing on yourself. Work... Exercise... Read... Pick up a new hobby... Distract yourself with things that improve you as a person. If you stick with it, you should see improvement in your state of mind (and heart) over time.

Praying for you.

I just hate that after everything he is willing to give up on something so good. Almost every great memory in my life has him in it and it really sucks. I graduated from college this past May and to be quite honest I wasn't doing it to make myself proud, I did it because I knew he would be so proud of me.

I don't understand how he can be so cold hearted and not want to talk to me. Every waking moment I think of him and I am doing everything I can to stay strong and not text/call him. Why is it so easy for him? How can he stand doing this to me if he claims to love me?

His definition of love is deeply flawed as is he as a man. I know this is the last thing you want to hear but you are lucky to find out the true him before getting married to him. Start focusing on becoming independent from him. Your identity is so much more than an extension of him. He is cold because his is a jury. He is doing this because he doesn't know what true love is. You deserve better and you will eventually find it. He is the one who will suffer in the long run. Start on your future.

Dang autocorrect.. He is a JERK!

It's so hard...my life for the past 7 years has revolved around him and i'm not sure if he understands that. He says that I need to find something that makes me happy that doesn't all revolve around him but he doesn't get it. It's not the hobbies that were the problem. I wake up and he's all I think about. I'm so confused by the situation because up until a couple of weeks ago I thought we were perfect. I couldn't wait to marry him. Here I am now....I have my wedding dress already, favor gifts, DJ, and event center and with no groom. Some boys can be so selfish sometimes and honestly if he had to go through what he's put me through...honey he wouldn't survive it.

Honey, I doubt he has the same good heart that you have. His experience would be different. It is possible there are more to his motives than you are aware. Don't waste anymore time on him because it will only set yourself up for even more heartbreak. Start treating thoughts of him as some thing harmful to you until you are in a better state. Get some rest for your heart.

I get what your saying I am in the same boat as to figure out how. I feel my life has been shattered and I have no clue as to how to pick the pieces up. I have my friends and family telling to move on but how? how do you turn off the years of things good and bad that you have been through that person that you depended on and vice versa. I just cant seem to get to this point I am so hurting and just want my life back the way it was.

Dusting yourself off and picking up the pieces is the hardest I suppose. Today was day 1 with no contact. I had to fight with everything in me to not call or text him. It makes me wonder though, does he even miss me or think of me? Mine was a 7 year relationship and I can't imagine what it's like losing someone after 25 + years.

I'm so sorry! What you're feeling is completely normal. This is so fresh and raw right now. It's going to take some time. When people kept telling me that after my relationship ended, it made me so mad. I didn't want it to take time, I wanted things better right now. But it does take time. Nothing is going to make it easier right now I'm sorry to say. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself the best you can. It's probably hard to eat or sleep or anything else but that will all go away. Exercise was a big help for me. I shook for about 6 weeks (wish I was exaggerating) and when I was walking or exercising I didn't shake so much. I also needed the exertion to help me sleep otherwise I was too wound up. People will tell you to have no contact. It's hard and it's unbearable but if you can do it, it really is the best thing. Talking to him is like having a wound ripped open over and over and over. No contact helps staunch the blood flow so to speak.
The pain is unbearable. Sometimes it hurts so much that you don't know how you will physically survive it but you will. In addition to exercise, I found writing to him helped. I didn't send the emails or letters but it was a good way to vent. I wrote whatever thoughts I had no matter how irrational they were. Then I'd get rid of them. It helped.
Lean on your friends and family. They want to help you and want you to feel better. They are the ones who have your best interest at heart.
I hope you can begin to find some peace and comfort soon. Hugs!

tce66 I am glad it is not just me that developed uncontrollable shakes....especially for me in grocery stores or shopping

2 years later I rarely shake now and am only occasionally triggered....eg if I attempt a bigger shop

The nightmare is something we all experience in a very similar way

I am happy now....new love and new life

But I am still in therapy trying to figure out 20 years love gone like it never existed for her....and dealing with such betrayal and abandonment

You will get there in time.....but your grief will have it's own time and path

Hugs to you and hang in there....one day...one night at a time

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. It is almost incomprehensible when somethin like this happens. How can someone go from being in love to being indifferent? It hurts like nothing else.

Getting through one minute to the next is a challenge and if you have the support of others that will help here. I wish I could give you a cuddle and tell you you will be ok, as in time you will but it's just going to be a long process. If you can I would highly recommend seeking help from a therapist as this really helps me. When I'm having a tough day I count down the days until I get to see her as I feel it really helps release pent up pain.

When someone who is the source of all your happiness becomes the source of your pain it is like your world had ended. If you need anyone to talk to please give me a message. Thinking of you xx

I'm just gonna throw my 2 cents in here....
Happiness NEVER comes from other ppl or circumstances....they come from within.
I am referring to your comment in #2 when you stated that you went to college to make him proud of you.
One person can not make a relationship work....it takes two.
Get some counseling for yourself to work on self esteem and confidence issues.
I see this a lot on this (and other) sites.
My heart is breaking seeing so many ppl hurting becuz they put all their energy and life into other ppl and find out they are never happy, confused, and angry......and never stop to think of helping, loving, and being complete within themselves.

I too went down that road several years ago. I found out I am the one who needed to get fixed so as to not repeat the same patterns.
I am very choosy who I let in my life now. I care about myself and take care of myself. It came with hard work....looking at my own pain....and forgiving myself.
I am finally happy....no matter what comes my way.
I did go to college at 48 years old and got an AA in psychology with an 3.88 GPA to help me with my esteem and confident issues.....and to prove to myself that I was not stupid like I had been told and made to feel my whole life. I used my pain and divorce to make my life better. It has been a real eye opener that I gave my power to someone else.....and for so long. I especially gave it to someone who did not love me back or appreciate me for me. I could not make our marriage survive by myself and my ex had no interest in fixing any thing. He is still broken and I am in a much better place and it is getting better all the time.

This should be a time of reinventing yourself.
It's good you found out before marriage that this relationship is not the one so as to avoid a messy divorce.
There are about 6 billion ppl on this planet. I'm sure there are plenty of other men in this world who would love to be in your life.....and marry you. However, to find a good person and to make it last.....you need to work on yourself first.
I know you can do it......becuz you do indeed deserve happiness, love, and real relationships that enhance your already complete life.
I wish you the best ((((Hugs)))))