Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
This is way too long a story so I will do my best to do the highlights:
-met 15 years ago
-married almost 8 years
-2 kids by fertility (4 yrs and 5 yrs)
-2 businesses (1 mainly his and 1 mainly mine but depends on help from him)
-April 10th he tells me he isnt happy and wants a divorce
-We go to 2 marriage counseling sessions and he says he isnt willing to try that he tried silently for years and he isnt happy. Doesnt like the person he has become with me and doesnt like the person I can be.
-June 14th we start "nesting" with the kiddos. One stays with the kids and the other one sleeps in a room in my shop
-July 4th I find a cell phone bill that shows he has been talking to someone hundreds of texts and hours long on the phone a day. Denies it and lies but finally admits to it.
-July 5th I find out he met her in person on the 4th
-July 13th (today) I find out he stayed at her place the past two nights and is sleeping with her. Lied to me about all of it and I caught him yet again.
-his mother works for me full time....ouch
I am TOTALLY in love with him....no one in our lives saw this coming. I am just broken and cant breath. I took my rings off today because him sleeping with someone and having a relationship so soon shows that the marriage is over. Im sick and that isnt even the word to explain what I am....but Im betting you know that pit in your stomach that never goes away and the constant crying and the thinking what can I do to save this even though you KNOW he is done.
Now I need to figure out how to build my life.
-do I go for the house and the business property?
-do I trust that mediation is enough and not get a lawyer?
-do I still nest and let him stay at my business property on his nights (although he will probably be at the OW house)?
-how do I have a clue what to do for me? for the kids? what the difference is?
-how do I make any decisions when I cant breath?
Would love to hear of some divorce check lists as to what I need to figure out for assets or anything about the process. Would love to just vent and have folks understand. Im a mess!
-met 15 years ago
-married almost 8 years
-2 kids by fertility (4 yrs and 5 yrs)
-2 businesses (1 mainly his and 1 mainly mine but depends on help from him)
-April 10th he tells me he isnt happy and wants a divorce
-We go to 2 marriage counseling sessions and he says he isnt willing to try that he tried silently for years and he isnt happy. Doesnt like the person he has become with me and doesnt like the person I can be.
-June 14th we start "nesting" with the kiddos. One stays with the kids and the other one sleeps in a room in my shop
-July 4th I find a cell phone bill that shows he has been talking to someone hundreds of texts and hours long on the phone a day. Denies it and lies but finally admits to it.
-July 5th I find out he met her in person on the 4th
-July 13th (today) I find out he stayed at her place the past two nights and is sleeping with her. Lied to me about all of it and I caught him yet again.
-his mother works for me full time....ouch
I am TOTALLY in love with him....no one in our lives saw this coming. I am just broken and cant breath. I took my rings off today because him sleeping with someone and having a relationship so soon shows that the marriage is over. Im sick and that isnt even the word to explain what I am....but Im betting you know that pit in your stomach that never goes away and the constant crying and the thinking what can I do to save this even though you KNOW he is done.
Now I need to figure out how to build my life.
-do I go for the house and the business property?
-do I trust that mediation is enough and not get a lawyer?
-do I still nest and let him stay at my business property on his nights (although he will probably be at the OW house)?
-how do I have a clue what to do for me? for the kids? what the difference is?
-how do I make any decisions when I cant breath?
Would love to hear of some divorce check lists as to what I need to figure out for assets or anything about the process. Would love to just vent and have folks understand. Im a mess!
I get along with my ex husband but you never how they are going to react and/or what his new woman is telling him.
When it came to the kids I never told him he couldn't see them cause they are his children and I know they love each other very much and I would've been hurting my kids trying to hurt him thru them.
If you need to cry let it out, cry yourself out just don't let it destroy you.
Stay strong.
You will also have to consider the following:
Alimony
Child Support
Medical Coverage payments for you/children
Insurance Coverage for him if he is paying alimony/child support
Debts & how they are to be paid off and by whom
How to divide custody so it causes the least amount of issues for the children
No out of state/country travel without written permission
How holidays/birthdays, etc will be handled
That's just a start. Sorry you are going through this. I know you are devastated, but don't let that get in the way of getting what you deserve for his cheating. Getting him out of the house ASAP will also help you. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about exposure of your children to the OW.
I am very sad - sorry for your children and you
-do I go for the house and the business property? (every penny > you are now the only parent as he has shown that he is bigger then the family in his eyes)
-do I trust that mediation is enough and not get a lawyer? (lawyer, lawyer.lawyer)
-do I still nest and let him stay at my business property on his nights (although he will probably be at the OW house)? (he should get out - - he has pissed on the nest)
-how do I have a clue what to do for me? for the kids? what the difference is? (get counseling - - - maybe from a different town as in another post you note the smallness, confide in your own family no matter how far away, get the kids counseling, DO not bullshit your kids - - - do not lie for him, don't cover for him, tell them age appropriate truth)
-how do I make any decisions when I cant breath? (that is hard to say, do what you can to get some sleep - - - sleeping meds, pray - - - that can be hard, my brother told to pray for the right thing to work out for the kids,, look in the mirror, you know that you honored your vows, you put your kids before you, You are solid - - - got it)
if your husband came to you awhile ago and wanted to work on the marriage,,,, THEN you could question your self belief
but he choose to betray and murder his family, 100% is all his
Second I would visit www.chumplady.com to get some perspective on how to deal with your POS cheating ex.
Third believe me it sucks and you're in the muck of shit. Trust he's an asshole and it's OVER. Now you have to get strong for your kids. I'm
16 months post split after 24 years together and I can assure you you're in for a painful process...but SURVIVABLE. My ex cheated to and it's a knife thru the heart. But it's not your fault it was his choice. Happens too many times to even count, but most of us here have been through it.
You need to see a lawyer. This isn't fixable. Only one person interested in saving a marriage doesn't work.
Keep posting if you need too this site really helped
Me.