After nearly 17 years I left an extremely abusive (mental, emotional and physical) relationship.  I had to.  I woke up every morning angry that I woke up and had to face another day.  The extreme narcissism and manipulation became overwhelming it was slowly suffocating me.  Little things set him off.  He smashed my face with his palm while spewing vulgarities so close could feel the spit on my face while he swerved in rage. There were endless affair, and a already loss of love and respect.  After leaving he spun a tangled web of lies that I abandoned my children because I was a suicidal drug addict.  He keeps the kids from me and truly believes no rules apply to him - even the court orders don't stop him. Its been 5 months and I am exhausted.  My kids have been brainwashed by him to believe that I don't care about them.  I feel so alone and hopeless.  Taking the high road and following the rules while continuing having to face his wrath is overwhelming and at times feels as if it will never end. As a mom, I would never give up because of my kids but to see them coddle him out of fear of his mental illness and anger is hurtful.  My heart hurts for them and for myself.  I never could have imagined this would be my life.