sadly I had 3 really good friends, or at least I thought they were really good friends. I was going thru a bad break up with my now exhubby and vented and they ended up avoiding me. it's not like I talked about my divorce all the time or was crying all the time but they avoided me and went I confronted them they just told me they felt ackward. my family started to avoid me too.......my one sister who said she would go with me to sign the papers ended up flaking on mem didnt return my calls and made me late to sign papers......I was so let down by everyone

Detroit, you are not alone in feeling this way -- I have this EXACT fear. I don't have an endless supply of really "good" friends, so I don't want to burn them out. Like you, I am a talker. I talk, vent, discuss, etc. to find my way and figure things out. It also helps to get things out of my head so that they don't fester there. But I feel like I sometimes have to restrain myself sometimes so that they don't either tune out or get frustrated listening to me because they can't fix anything. But, you know, it's what good friends are for -- to help you through your worst times, not matter how long they take. You'd do it for them, wouldn't you? And eventually, little by little, I'm sure we'll get sick of hearing ourselves talk about our husbands leaving us, and we'll slowly -- oh so slowly -- start to talk about other things. And your good friends will be there throughout the whole ordeal. You can buy them a thank you gift later once all is said and done... but I'll bet they'll say it wasn't necessary. And you always have us here to vent to, and you don't have to worry about burning us out :)

Screamandra, I'm so sorry you experienced this... no one deserves to be shunned during their darkest hour, especially by family. I'm sure they just didn't know what to say and felt helpless. But people need to understand that sometimes we just need to vent and need someone to listen....

Hugs to you -- you can vent to all of us anytime.

One of the tough things about being or staying in a relationship that is destructive to ourselves.... is that we are putting others that love us through hell too. It is so much easier to see the forest (big picture) from the outside. But from the inside, we are too close to our own drama to see how it is destroying us.... and our friends just have to sit and watch us go back, try again, rationalize their lies, their bad behavior again and again and again.... until its over :-/ Although we are in agony over these relationships... our friends who love us have to watch us PUT OURSELVES thru agony until we are finally hurt enough to be done (or they end it).

I dont know which is harder... the experience of pain or watching someone you love endure pain.... especially when it appears to be self-induced (taking back a cheater, liar, or just plain old shit-head).

Anyway - I have been on both sides. So fed up with a friend of mine for continuously returning to a shitty guy/shitty relationship.... and I have been the friend to return. So - if you have put your friends through the ringers, give them a break - especially if you are talking about "him" whom they hate. If they are true blue friends they will also give you a break and understand your pain in getting emotionally involved with someone who doesnt deserve you and be there for you and help you see your worth and only accept what you deserve.

yes. i have worn out several people on here already. and at least one friend in my non support board life. so yes. i have worn people out. and i am 7 months post divorce almost. i should be better by now. this is rediculous.

Yes I worry about burdening them down. I try not to talk much about it to my family, so I come here for that.

Friends? I have isolated myself away from many of my friends. I just don't want to tell them, that I'm going through a divorce. The "questions" to the "I'm glad you left him" and "I hope you did well financially". Sure, it's concern and support, but STILL, it's so uncomfortable!

Hugs to yoU!