I do believe I will make it though this cause that is the only way. I think we all will make it with the support of friends and those here giving us words of encouragement when we need them. Stay strong and just take it one day at a time.

Im with ya.. i worry that i will be stuck in this terrible state of emotion for a long long long time.. im not very far into my divorce proceedings;; i read a recent post on here that made me think that i may never recover from this. and then i will read something that gives me hope.. every day is the same right now.. intense pain and anxiety. i am just trying to maintain at work and try to be strong for my kids.. .i appreciate the good advice and support i get on here and have made some true connections with some fellow members that i am very thankful for!!! dont give up on me.. and i wont give up on you !!

I don't see why you would choose to believe that you will never move on. You have to be fair to yourself and ask yourself why not?

I dont choose to stay down..I WANT to heal.. ASAP.. but im in it bad right now.. so thank you for reframing it ... why not ? i do need a more positive outlook on it for sure because it all seems like doom and gloom right now from where im standing.. so yes.. you are right

Thanks for commenting, Dresden 2006 and Diggo: I saw that both of you are very young (I am 57) and I only hope you know that you have your whole lives ahead of you and if and when you are ready, I believe you will find the "right one". I also know that no matter what age you are, the pain of all this is unbearable, so I am not minimizing that. Probably sounds corny, but since I could be your mother (ha!), I have had some experience in life. (Not that you haven't, I remember being young once and the trials and tribulations that you go through), but in my heart, I believe you will be happy. Go for it!!!!

I did feel that way in the beginning. Almost 4 months later, I only feel that way some days. It does get better eventually. I totally believe that we can be happy again. All of us, including you!
Hugs to you!

Lilieblue: That is the part that scares me - I had been separated for 9 months before divorce, which was final in May. That is 16 months!! I still can't seem to move on....

Sorry... I was just trying to give my two cents. Maybe you need a new hobby? I know my latest screen name is kinda new, but I've been on this board for ... almost 5 years! I know people on here who have actually found a lot of happiness by starting new hobbies and making new friends

The thought that gets me through is 'people have made it through far worse'

and i agree I am finding that this group is great for advice and getting all points of view. It helps me a lot just to read knowing I am not the only one.

*hugs*

cwalla, Iam so sorry for your pain because I feel what u feel 2.
It has been one year since my marriage ended and only a few weeks and my divorce is final.
I filed but only because he cheated and there was no going back.
I always felt awful since it happened but I did all the real estate ,settlements etc. fighting him real good when I had to be strong.My lawyer was a god send 2 me which helped alot.
when everything got clued up ,it was like what do i do now??
I felt when i got the papers about divorce i would feel better.
but that did not happen. Since oct i have been worst than at the beginning.
I have no control over my emotions but christmas time dont help much remembering we broke up that time last year and to top it off our annivisary is this time of year too.
right now i cannot see ever getting through this pain but i do believe it is because i am feeling so low.
my god we are not the only people that this happened too and they get through it.
but is always easier to see someone else in our situation and not really feel the pain untill it happens to us.
I sometimes believe that I should have died from this broken heart
but that is not going to happen.
I have a year punched now and feeling worst all the time but I guess If I don't force myself to move on it will only get worse.
I know what u mean about wonderful advice on DS ,, it is what keep's be going most of the time.
I stayed off DS a few days figuring I was dwelling on my troubles toooo much, but I just had to come back to talk to good people who honestly know where I am coming from with my pain. Ido believe you have to go through break up and divorce to know how terribly painful it is.
I had co workers that went through it before and now i wish i was more supportive towards them and more understanding, knowing now how bad they were feeling.
I know one lady told me how much she admired me for not giving my husband a second chance.
she said i deserved a pat on the back and she was so proud when she heard how strong i was.
she said she wished she had been as strong as me back then.
her marriage ended anyway but she said it was harder when he cheated the second time.
after all that said Cwalla, I sure hope for mine and your sake that we do get through the pain. BUT my biggest fear is will i ever be truly happy again ?
we all know we can have no pain but still stay a tad sad.
oh well I guess I rambled enough but I am sure you are like myself you like to read replies on your post to see if they will help in some way or another.
sure hope your spirits lift soon-- I'll b thinking about u.....

i used to, and maybe sometimes still do. 90% of me now knows that i will heal from this/am healing from it, largely due to this support board and my friends/family support.

you will get there. i promise. we will all be right there with you to help you thru it too. ((hugs))

Hugs to you, too "iloverufus"!!!!

cwalla,
I think we all feel/felt the same way or we would not be here. Sometimes I feel that I DO NOT want to get through the pain although in my heart I know eventually I will. It is just too new, too recent to even be able to comprehend surviving this kind of heartbreak.
Was so lucky to find this site, imagine this...others going through the very same thing we are feeling right now...and actually being able to talk to them. I find more comfort and answers here than I do with any one else in my life right now...so for that I am so very thankful!

I don't know your story, I apologize.

I can tell you I was through the pain and ready to date 2 years after my marriage ended. however, after a 7 yr long abusive relationship after that marriage, its taken me until now to be over most of the damage. It's been 4 years since the breakup. I can remember having a plan to do the recovery bit for 2 years, like my marriage, so at 2 years and still feeling horrible, I was impatient, and lacking hope things would ever get better, and thinking many times that maybe something precious got broken.

But at 4 years I am happy again, I have a heart that's softened after having been stone cold with hatred, I no longer feel aversive or panicky when I get attention from men, I am excited about the future, and about my freedom and ability to do and feel things different from the dark cave of grief and pain.

So yes, have hope, things do get better, even if like me it takes a long time. People with good hearts, and light spirits don't stay down forever, because it isn't in their nature.

You're going to do fine. hang in there.

I truly believe that you will be okay. People are resilient and if you weren't being loved the way that you wanted to be or deserved to be, you can heal with time. Do your best to allow yourself to be happy. It sounds trite, but life really is short, we get one shot at best. It's funny, I'm trying so hard to save my marriage after what I have done, but on some level I know that I will be okay someday... I worry more about him.