Ya know I can relate to your post and understand. Some women can be bullies too! I think it is a disgusting trate in all people and to let it out is to start a downward spiral of sorts. I remember a childhood experiance when i went to a catholic school for ten years before moving to a public highschool. This kid would push me, kcick me, take things from every day after school walking home for 2 years. He always had 3 to 4 friends with him and they all joined in and terrorized me for two "F" ing years . Till one DAY I took away his power. I beat the hell out of him as it was a fair fight and one on one my eighth grade year. I went to highschool shortly after and with in 6 months he was one of my best friends.

The point I am trying to make is that once you take a bullys power (your fear) away from them they are no longer a bully to you anyway. I spent the next 4 years of school sticking up for the ones he decided to pick on and he eventually became a decent person and we are not close but still friends today 20 years later.

Bullies feed off of power and if you take that power away they are nothing! Just like abusive men/women ! They know you will put up with it and will do ANYTHING to keep you under there power.

hope my rambling helps.

G'day Cmshinn,

Honey, I deal with bullies every day that I go to work. Have done so for the last 8 years.

I can tell you this for a fact, No they don't feel superior. To a man, or woman as the case may be, they are all COWARDS. If anything, deep down, they feel inferior and try to make up for it outwardly with bluff, bluster and in many cases, physical or emotional violence.

Many of these people are also narcicists or sociopaths. I know this would seem to be a contradiction but that is the way they are.

Over the years, I think your H has probably worn you down to such a point that you have actually believed that you can't do it on your own. This is of course, utter bullshit.

You bloody can do it on your own. You just have to believe in yourself, stay true to your own beliefs and values and stick to them.


Mick

Great advice Mick -

He's right - over the years you have been beat down. You can do this! You will be OK. And you will get that lawyer. Don't let him push you around anymore.

Ignore him - stay on the track that you are on. Less contact the better. See if you can get some legal aid help from the state. They do that.

You are powerful - feel it!

I think anytime anyone puts someone else down, they're trying to feel superior in their thoughts, beliefs, actions.

If you've led a life without faults....great. I sure try to. But I've fallen short plenty of times too.

Too often we're judgemental about people based on their circumstances, without knowing the whole story.

Judgement, blame is easy.....but it seldom if ever changes the world for the better.

Just my 2 thoughts anyway......

When I found some messages between my then H and his other women, it was just one week before we were re-locating from Southern Africa to Malawi. My first thoughts "how could he do this now? I can't move to SE Asia (where I had never worked) alone with 3 kids." That lack of belief in myself permitted me to believe his lies.

Some 6 months later and this last affair was the final act that made me finally end the marriage.

Now I laugh at the thought that I couldn't. I am a single working Mom in Jakarta. Often tough, but I am doing my best and I am succeeding.

I will never again be in a position where I believe that I can't!

Sometimes we just need to start doing and learning how in order to believe in ourselves.

Oops that was supposed to read ... Move sfrom Southern Africa to Indonesia!

Thanks to everyone for your words of wisdom.

Unfortunately, I really do think that my ex does enjoy bullying people around. He thinks it's funny and laughs at just how angry or at the rage that he sparked. He feeds off of it and then pushes deeper.

One day - He will no longer get to me.
One day - I will hold my head up high and know that I did "right" by my daughter - by teaching her not to allow a bully into her life.
One day - I will be FREE!!!!!

You CAN do this! Looking on the bright side, if this is the lowest you can go, things will only get better from here. I stayed in my marriage for about 11 years with the past 6 dealing with his "bullying" and me staying because I felt I couldn't get out and raise kids by myself. I pawned off my wedding set and packed what I could in a u-haul and left. No job, no plans, nothing. Things haven't been easy but I'm seeing the light. I no longer answer his calls or texts unless it has to do with our daughter's health stuff. He's always looking at ways to "get to me" but I'm done playing his games. He thoroughly enjoys trying to push my buttons. It used to work but no more. Your husband knows you're at a low point and will continue to bully you until you take that power away from him. Even if you have to fake it, put on a smile and be as pleasant to him as you can.

Hang in there...

Yay, cmshinn! I am sending you positive, empowering wishes.

I know it must really hurt you to not have the money for Christmas presents for your daughter. But please remember that she has the gift of YOU, her mother, standing beside her and fighting to regain her identity.

Start being the woman you would like your daughter to become. Stand up to your ex like the strong woman you are becoming. What a gift for your daughter to have -- an empowered female role model. Priceless!

Yes you can!

Perennial, that was perfect.