All marriage problems go back to a lack of connection between spouses. An affair, although it is wrong, is a symptom of a greater problem-- lack of connection. If you love her, forgive her (assuming she's sorry) and work on connecting. I suggest checking out Marriage Fitness by Mort Fertel, available on Amazon or from his website.

Do whats in your own best interest.

I would say go to a therapist For yourself and then
go from there. No marriage counseling unless both
Are in therapy and all in.

She is probably on her pink cloud and emotionally
checked out and long gone. There are many others
on here with that same problem. Mine was like that.

There are usually are long term issues before someone
Cheats and yours is cheating in her heart it does not need
to Get physical. Emotional affairs are actually much more
Damaging because they are emotionally connected.

No One will tell you what to do about your marriage,
you are an adult. We all have struggled With our own
Divorce issues until there is no more trying or working it.

They come off the pink cloud eventually then what? HUGS

I agree, when I cheated/separated from spouse to be with someone else. I felt my spouse was emotionally/mentally checked out of the relationship. 17 years later, I know without a doubt he checked out and is checked out right now this very moment. The only difference today with me, this time. I grew and learned from my mistake of not seeking happiness outside of the marriage. It only complicated things worst. I had to grow to that stage, in my life first. Now, I'm choosing to let go. It takes two people to make a relationship work. If one party is not willing to open up and be honest to work on the areas that needs to be worked on, what's the point of being married. I know it sound easy said, then done. I've learned eventually a person get tired and can only takes so much before cheating or walking away from the relationship. Try to get to core/root of why she's seeking happiness outside of the marriage. The emotional affair is only a band aid, to what's really going. What is missing from the relationship, she's not getting.

Thanks for your responses. We are going to counseling and she says she wants to work on it. However, she also says it is my fault because I don't do enough yard work (I built my house) and am overweight. I told her I just lost 45 pounds and she said it did not count because I did it for my health and not for her. Everytime she comes home she tells me how people are amazed at how perfect her shape is. If I tell, she pays no attention. It is only from people on the outside. I think I am dealing with a narcissistic personaliity disorder.

Keep going to counseling mine told me a lot
of stuff When he wasnt there. Not what he said
but her Observations. He quit after she called
him on a behavior, he was not being honest
About anything anyway.

We went together 3 times, He went alone 1 and
I went alone 3-6 times. Eventually i went to my
own therapist and she Took my word for How he
was behaving. HUGS

Ugh. Read up on narcissism. Things are never their fault.

Take this opportunity to really look at your wife and your marriage without the rose colored glasses on.

The couple of comments in your last note sound like she's very shallow. Do youbrally want this for the rest of your life?

I'm six months post discovery of my husband's affair and am now learning of infidelity that dates back 12 years!

And even though my life as I've known it is shattered and my future is unclear, I'm already starting to be thankful that I get to reinvent myself.

Good luck.