Over a year has passed now since my ex and I split up I have gone through every possible emotion on this roller coaster ride but now I am experiencing a level of inner peace that I cannot ever really remember having before. I am making my own decisions, following my own path, and successfully taking care of my own needs and the needs of my children on my own. I am successful at work, I have some amazing friends and I have a lovely boyfriend. I am slowing breaking out of my old role in my family as the peace-maker which left me feeling pretty lousy most of the time- since it required me to continuously do what others expected of me- and not necessarily what I felt was right for me. This has been one of the hardest transitions for me, and one that I continue to struggle with- as I can easily feel like I am being selfish if I dont do what others expect of me. (My family has NEVER embraced the idea of taking care of oneself- being a martyr was considered much more acceptable).

So the lingering negativity, judgment and doubt that I experience now comes, not from my emotionally abusive ex husband, but from my sister and parents. I have always been very close with them- so this has really been emotionally draining. I recently discovered that my sister harbors anger at me for allowing my kids to be exposed to my exs abusive manner. My parents and my sister all judge me for having become more independent (but their support comes with a lot of strings- so frankly it has been easier to do this on my own) and they also cannot stand that I have met someone that apparently none of them accept (they just KNOW hes going to break my heart). I so want to feel strong enough to reject their negative assaults, but they wear me down. I know part of the problem is that they have never seen me this happy and self-sufficient. I think they were most comfortable when we were all miserable together. So even though I know I shouldnt let what they think get to me- I do start to feel bad that I disappoint them and then I have this inner conflict between what I want and what I feel I should do to make them happy. Its so easy to fall back into that old role.

So my question for you, and I really could use your wisdom here, for those of you who may have some level of dysfunction in your own family (I didnt even realize that my family was this screwed up until I was out of my dysfunctional marriage)- with time, did your family eventually come around and accept you in your new healthier, happier life or will there likely always be a level of conflict/tension as they try and tug you back into your old way of interacting? If this was the case, did you end up setting boundaries with them to protect yourself (that seems so harsh- but perhaps necessary) I honestly thought that getting through my separation/divorce would be the hardest part- but, in many ways, this is much worse.