Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
After 27 years and two children my ex says she no longer can love anybody except the kids. Long story short. In July I found out that I was in need of a liver transplant and being the only one working in the family and already behind on the bills I knew once I stopped working due to the surgery and recovery there would be no way we could keep our home and pay the bills. At the same time her parents who are both elderly and sick started needing constant care so I moved my ex and the kids back down to live with her parents while I stayed where I was due to the medical treatment I was needing. After she got back home she says I abandoned my family and that she can't stay with her parents .long story short she started drinking and partying and recently I just found out that she started seeing a gentleman who is a alcoholic and not a good guy. The kids hate him and they say their mother has gone down hill. I went down to see them for Thanksgiving and she said she was at her brother's and to drunk to drive or even walk. I'm trying to reconcile for the kids plus I still love her I didn't move her back to her parents because I didn't want to be with her it was I didn't want us homeless. I'm making arrangements to move back down to live in the same state and try to get back together as a family .sending her listings for houses and me looking to relocate jobs . And she's all on board when I ask her about this friend she has she says it's over he's a drunk and an ass who doesn't work and uses her for beer . Yet I find out from the kids she still talks to him and still goes to see him. Talking to her she says she's not the same person I moved back to her parents. And she talks about drinking to excess and smoking weed .when the kids plead with her not to drink or leave them at their grandparents she says you guys are no fun. It hurts because she was not this person when we were together I'm torn about still wanting to be with her if I move to where she is. I think it's the addiction of alcohol that she wants and not a relationship, that's where the friend came along being an alcoholic and not judging her. It just hurts because like I said earlier I still love her and if I move there and we are together as a family will she come back to us or is her new life more important. Right now the kids are keeping me going but I know they don't like to tell me mom's drunk and not home. One second I say I over it I'm moving on.but when I start thinking about the 27 years we were together and the kids wanting us to be a family like we were it tears me up .
It's more common than you think...better to divorce her and take care of your kids cause my experience is she's a goner and the new her has replaced the old one you knew unfortunately
To answer your question, there are a lot of great women out there. I am one of them. I have been married for 23 years to a very abusive and manipulative man. I have struggled so hard to keep this marriage intact and to make it better, but no amount of praying or forgiving has helped. He was a porn addict who preferred fake women and no intimacy to a real life woman who wanted to make a life, build a home and raise a family with him. He constantly berated me, criticized me and threatened me. I still kept trying. Everything that happened (the bad anyway) was always somehow traceable to me. I still kept trying. Eventually though, I stopped trying and just began focusing on making it through that day and raising our daughter. The only way I could handle living with him was to stop loving him and caring about him. That made the pain of his mental abuse go away, but the damage was already done. So yes, he had someone who adored him, warts and all, someone who wanted to be with him and grow old with him, but he destroyed it all and yes, he's an alcoholic too. He filed for divorce in May and served me with the papers ... and a huge grin on his face ... on Mother's Day. Thankfully, I have found a wonderful therapist who has been a godsend to me and I have tremendous support from family and friends. I know you are hung up on the 27 years you've already had together, but you have to face it that they are gone. You can never be the family you once were, even if she were to come back. You and your children deserve so much better.
I have nearly 20 years with my stbx. There is life after divorce. This you can find happiness in!
Good guys don’t finish last; rather, sometimes people make bad choices that, sometimes, are not easy to get out of, and many times hurt those closest to them. Sorry that this is happening in your family. It sounds like you had good intentions towards your wife and children. I’m wondering, why she accused you of abandoning your family; did she want to move to her parents; was it a unanimous decision? ‘Indulgence’ is something that people do when they are hurt, and or when they feel hopeless. They danger lies in what we choose to indulge. I ‘indulge’ hours and hours of TV/Movies when I think the situation I am in is 'hopeless. I wonder if that’s what started all this [when she got there]. May suggest a discussion to get the root of the matter.
Regards,