Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have posted my story before and don't much feel like talking about it... Just that I filed jointly with my stbx of 15 years at the beginning of April. Our first meeting is on the 4th of May, but we still live in the same house and see each other daily. There is no money or any other option as to living situations.
At times I have felt resolute. At times I have doubted. At times she has shown she is not sure about divorce. The sad thing though is it seems like any shot at reconciliation is part of our crazy cycle playing itself out. I feel crazy going back and forth. It was a terrible anxious-avoidant trap relationship.
Lately I've found myself attacking her with anger for her lack of commitment and involvement in stages of our marriage. Not to say she wasn't there trying at other times but overall I always felt she was not contributing or really "giving it her all." There were big phases where she was not even present for myself or the kids emotionally. I feel like I"m past the blame stage, but yet I have been attacking her.
I am a good guy, but not so much lately. And of course she is treating me kinder.
What am I even writing about? lol. Well I feel that on the outside I still hope for a chance to reconcile, but deep deep inside, maybe sub-consciously I feel like I want the divorce and that I will do anything to ensure it goes through. I actually think I've been that way for a long time. Maybe I was sabotaging other attempts at reconciling, either that or the patterns have just resulted in my feeling as though I was.
I have to ensure the divorce goes through to end the dysfunctional relationship but I find it difficult to stay angry and even to ensure there there are no more ups and downs. I felt I was more centered before but now I do feel lost and confused again.
At times I have felt resolute. At times I have doubted. At times she has shown she is not sure about divorce. The sad thing though is it seems like any shot at reconciliation is part of our crazy cycle playing itself out. I feel crazy going back and forth. It was a terrible anxious-avoidant trap relationship.
Lately I've found myself attacking her with anger for her lack of commitment and involvement in stages of our marriage. Not to say she wasn't there trying at other times but overall I always felt she was not contributing or really "giving it her all." There were big phases where she was not even present for myself or the kids emotionally. I feel like I"m past the blame stage, but yet I have been attacking her.
I am a good guy, but not so much lately. And of course she is treating me kinder.
What am I even writing about? lol. Well I feel that on the outside I still hope for a chance to reconcile, but deep deep inside, maybe sub-consciously I feel like I want the divorce and that I will do anything to ensure it goes through. I actually think I've been that way for a long time. Maybe I was sabotaging other attempts at reconciling, either that or the patterns have just resulted in my feeling as though I was.
I have to ensure the divorce goes through to end the dysfunctional relationship but I find it difficult to stay angry and even to ensure there there are no more ups and downs. I felt I was more centered before but now I do feel lost and confused again.
my ex and I had a plan, we had a split level home, he moved downstairs and I stayed in our old room.. but seeing each other everyday.. especially when he'd moved on and was seeing someone else.. it was literally like pouring lemon juice on an open wound every day.. we ended up filing for bankruptcy, the day before we filed divorce.. the bankruptcy freed us from joint debt, and after the decision was made to file, we immediately stopped paying bills.. that gave us a bit of a cash blanket to start a new life with.. money for me to put on an apartment.. it was devastating at the time, but in hindsight i'm so grateful.. we split financially and legally all at once.. no shared bills, no shared expenses, literally I'm starting a new life.. and honestly thats hard enough at this point.. I hope your able to find a way to move.. you need to not see her everyday, and daily doubt if your doing the right thing.. you've made the decision.. and if its the right one, its time to let her go.. its time to heal.. let yourself heal..
Living in the same household definitely makes it harder to be kind since you're constantly forced to face the source of your pain. I hope something changes on that front. Is she still joining the military?