Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Divorced and Angry

princesstears
princesstears

I divorced my husband of 4 years this year in August. We had been together a total of 12 years and have one minor son together. He put me through hell. He cheated on and off the entire time we were together. He degraded me. He contracted STDs. He made me responsible for all the financial obligations in the house. I took primary responsibility for the care of our son. I had his back always, even when he was in and out of work, but he inconsistently had mine. He literally didn't speak to me or sleep in the same bed with me for three months after he felt that I was placing my maternal family before him, his needs, and his opinions. Even told my son that he was leaving me before we even had a discussion about divorce. When he asked me for a divorce, I immediately went got the papers drawn up and didn't ask him to pay for anything. He then refused to sign him and started telling people he was doing everything he could to save his marriage. When I wouldn't reverse my decision, he refused to leave he house but went to social media to humiliate me and talk about his new relationship. Since that time, approximately one ago, he has been "in love" with at least three different women. The one he is with now is "the best of all of the good ones" put together. He has "never had a woman / friend" like her. I don't want him back!!! Lord knows I don't, but I'm angry that he completely disregards EVERYTHING I was to him for 12 years. He isn't even taking care of his son or seeing him at this point but telling everyone "I kept him from him." Why am I still left here trying to put all the broken pieces back together again? Why does he get to still humiliate me and deny all I did for him? Why does he get to have a relationship that he is getting emotional and spiritual support when he was the one to completely break what we had? I'm so angry!!! I just don't know what to do.

lookingforclosure
lookingforclosure
I am sorry you are here. The only advice I can give to try to help is to recommend you do what you can to ignore him and his fake life. The lies will catch up, and the truth will come out. Forget about his new "relationship", because he sounds like he will move along to another one soon enough, and another, and another...and surely if he brags about how great each new girl is...it has to be true, right? If he puts it on facebook, it has to be true. Whatever...and eventually, people will start to question the accusation that you're keeping him from his child. If someone says that someone else is keeping them from their child, my logic would say A. The child has been kidnapped - but you're not a kidnapper, from what I can tell... B. The law prevented him from getting visitation which means he did something very wrong - but it doesn't sound like that's the case...or C. He hasn't attempted to visit his child, or only does so when it's convenient to him. People will believe what they want to believe, but if they really believe him, eventually they'll start asking questions he either can't answer, or comes up with more lies which, eventually, they'll start to see through, and get tired of hearing. Block his social media, and focus on your child. You are better off without your ex, and if he doesn't step up to be a part of his son's life so he can focus on his string of new loves, then your son is probably better off without him, too. I'm very sorry you are here, but hope you find some support.
leila
leila
I so sorry you have to go through something like this but take a moment and breath and be thankful that he is not around anymore and all this posting and BS is most likely to be a lie, he is doing it to get to you, don't let him you are better than that you are better than him!!! He is not a man he is a child, that needs a babysitter to do everything for him!!
Joe100
Joe100
You need a new man in your life, a distraction. Its ok if he's a rebound guy, a guy just passing through -- You don't have to have sex with him but you need another man to distract you from some of this pain. This man will hopefully appreciate you as well.
princesstears
princesstears
Thanks everyone. looking for closure, you hit the nail on the head with B. The divorce decree inacted by the judge states that he needs to come before him before he can visit his son. I had to get a default divorce because he would never sign the papers. He evaded the process servers and we ended up having to post a notice in a newspaper. Since he avoided the process, the judge inacted the no contact order until he saw him. One week after the divorce, he went to a lawyer but never followed back up with her. I don't care if he has contact and honestly all he would have to do is ask the judge for it because I didn't request the no contact in my divorce papers anyway. I've been trying to date but it seems that the only people that approach me are people I would never consider dating. I have a "friend" that is inconsistently around but that doesn't keep me distracted from the "wasband's" shinanigans. He controlled me and emotionally abused me while we were together. I've been in counseling for over a year at this point, but I still keep letting me drag me along like a rag doll. He has become very childish which is so unlike the person I fell in love with. The whole idea of me going through this is literally blowing my mind. I never saw this happening. I never saw myself with anyone but him. I haven't cried over the frustration in many many months but I feel like I'm at that point again.
jojored
jojored
Wow. Can you minimize contact with this jerk? I would say to only have contact for your son's sake, but it sounds like dad has little to no interest in actually being a dad, and legally can't have visitation, which is his own choice. So block him on your facebook and other social media, block his number on your phone. If this has been over a year (?) I would do what I can to legally sever all parental rights he has to your son, permanently. Who knows what he may try to do in 5 years - get full custody or some such nonsense. Your ex might one day wind up with a girl who wants to be involved in your son's life - and might encourage him to get his act "together" just enough for a judge to say, sure, you can have visitation now. That would be horrific, I'd imagine. At the very least, investigate this issue and be prepared. You should be in a state of recovery right now, yet you're not able to get there. Tie up these loose ends and start recovery.
lookingforclosure
lookingforclosure
I don't feel sorry for your X a single bit, I would be surprised if anyone hearing his story could buy into it...i feel sorry for your son. His father most likely doesn't even need a lawyer - if he wanted to make a genuine effort to see his son, he'd find the judge's name on the divorce decree, contact the court himself, and take the half hour out of his day to stand before the judge for five minutes and answer most likely some standard questions. I'm sorry he's still dragging you through this, but, how do I put this? Are you letting him? The divorce is final, he is not an active co-parent...so you shouldn't have to have any interaction with him. You don't have to see him, talk to him, answer phone calls...and if he insists on trying to go at you instead of the court, you can probably get an order from the court telling him to stop harassing you. It's only been a year. Moving on (in a healthy way) isn't going to happen overnight. I wouldn't recommend the rebound "quick fix". And, when you feel like crying, be thankful for that - a good cry can be helpful, vs. the constant lowly feeling of depression. Get comfortable being alone (fight the stigma that 'alone' is bad) try to motivate yourself to do things that used to make you happy, and try new things. Keep your chin up.
princesstears
princesstears
Thanks everyone for commenting. I have read everyone and truly taken everything to heart. Today is a good day. Not every day is. Again, thank you!!!! If you have any more advice, I will graciously accept it.