Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Let me suggest the following about divorce. Many result in time-consuming and unduly expensive proceedings. If the parties have 150,000 to split, each counsel will suggest his client is entitled to 90,000, and each may spend 60,000 in legal fees, leaving the litgants each 15,000. Many college funds and savings are disappated.
One cannot just blame the lawyers. There is obviously tremendous anger in a divorce and a macho syndrome. Lawyers are valued on their toughness and supposed intimidation ability, but a lawyer's ability to generate 40,000-60,000 in billings is not particular scary to the other side.
Unfortunately the lawyer who suggests reasonable solutions early is perceived as meek and not tough enough. Jane, how are you going to make it on what they proposed. And why is your lawyer always suggesting that you compromise, instead ofyour husband. You need a better fighter and tougher advocate. .
And on the other side. Bob, Jack is a great guy from the Kiwanis and a nice person but he does not have the ability to fight a piranha like your wife has. You are literatally getting your ass kicked throughout this whole proceeding.
The reality is that splitting a limited pie will not leave people happy, but
adding a whole bunch of legal fees does not improve the situation. . If there are kids, the proceeding should result in a reasonably prompt resolution and then the parties will have to be cordial. Where there are kids, the words till death do you part, is true, because even if you divorce, you will still be together making some decisions.
One cannot just blame the lawyers. There is obviously tremendous anger in a divorce and a macho syndrome. Lawyers are valued on their toughness and supposed intimidation ability, but a lawyer's ability to generate 40,000-60,000 in billings is not particular scary to the other side.
Unfortunately the lawyer who suggests reasonable solutions early is perceived as meek and not tough enough. Jane, how are you going to make it on what they proposed. And why is your lawyer always suggesting that you compromise, instead ofyour husband. You need a better fighter and tougher advocate. .
And on the other side. Bob, Jack is a great guy from the Kiwanis and a nice person but he does not have the ability to fight a piranha like your wife has. You are literatally getting your ass kicked throughout this whole proceeding.
The reality is that splitting a limited pie will not leave people happy, but
adding a whole bunch of legal fees does not improve the situation. . If there are kids, the proceeding should result in a reasonably prompt resolution and then the parties will have to be cordial. Where there are kids, the words till death do you part, is true, because even if you divorce, you will still be together making some decisions.
Divorce is absolutely difficult, expensive, frustrating, hard. Yet, after it is over, said and done, a new phase in life initiates. The children will always be part of your lives, but they are the blessing (in most cases) not the curse.
I say in most cases because my experience in my life is a child who has been the reason for all my marital problems - she intentionally promotes the major crisis. I know this is not what you are discussing here. Just my sharing.
Monetary loss is real, painful because we live in a society that makes the most out of it.
However, here is another lesson learned from my dad: the best things in life don't cost a penny.
I wish you peace of mind for now and know that this phase will end.
My ex and I each saw a lawyer and found out independently what a likely split would be.
Then we sat down at the kitchen table and worked it out.
I could have gotten more, he could have gotten more...
For certain, the lawyers could have gotten more...
His lawyer typed it up, my lawyer made changes (minor), his made some changes (minor), then we both signed the darned thing.
All in all, it cost about $3500. I think mine was about $1200, and his about twice mine (his lawyer was more expensive, and his typed it up.)
If we'd have fought, whatever we'd have fought for would have gotten eaten up by lawyer's fees.
I also didn't waste time putting stuff in the agreement that's basically non-enforcable....like saying that one of can't have girl/boyfriends around the kids. PA courts simply don't care about that, so it'll never become a custody issue, no matter what gets put into the divorce decree. And if yours is a state that cares....you most likely don't even need it in there anyway (that's why getting good advice from a local lawyer is so important.)
You get what yu pay for and I paid dearly. His end was the cheap end. But my atty. saved me a ton of money in other areas. The papers he drew up for me were iron clad non modifiable and could not be changed.
My ex has challenged that agreement twice and lost. I was led to the atty. that was best for me at the time and we have been to court together five times now.
My gut tells me there will be at least one more court hearing and I will be calling on the same atty.
I hate it had to be this way but you can't trust a game player. A cheat and a liar.
(If we would of had to go to court I would of had to get my own lawyer in case anyone was wonder how that would work.)
Well, i won in the end, she wanted the "no sue" clause and I agreed. Now, when he wants to take me to court, he can't. Be careful what you wish for, I guess.
It was not easy being my own lawyer, but, having worked as a paralegal, at least I knew when his lawyer was trying to pull the wool over my eyes, I would ask her what code she was using and she wouldn't answer me after the first time I busted her lying.
It would have been nice if we could have worked it out, I wanted the divorce too, by the end of the whole thing, but was determined not to lose the security I built up after 20 years of being married to the jerk!
Her attorney hasn't sent me any papers and its 3 weeks since he filed an uncontested divorce. I spoke with his office about a week ago and was told the hold up had nothing to do with her, that it just takes a while to file a divorce!?! I think something is amiss here like my wife is hiding her jewelry and furs so, if I push it, she won't have to give me something for them. It just seems odd to me and I don't even know how long she had been talking to the lawyer. Any advise, thooughts or guidance would really be appreciated.
Her attorney hasn't sent me any papers and its 3 weeks since he filed an uncontested divorce. I spoke with his office about a week ago and was told the hold up had nothing to do with her, that it just takes a while to file a divorce!?! I think something is amiss here like my wife is hiding her jewelry and furs so, if I push it, she won't have to give me something for them. It just seems odd to me and I don't even know how long she had been talking to the lawyer. Any advise, thooughts or guidance would really be appreciated.
Nothing catches my ex's attention like how much something is going to cost him money-wise. If he had fought me on the custody, I could have forced him to have to get psych evals for himself and his brother that he lives with since his brother has a VERY recent DUI. That law just changed in January... to my favor. :)