Sorry, forgot to post link to where I explained what happened:

http://www.dailystrength.org/people/3039556/journal/6564780

Hi Jgarc, I'm sorry you are feeling that way. I too feel the same way. But it is good that you put it in God's Hands, I did too. One year ago this Saturday, my husband abandoned me while I was in the hospital getting treatment for cancer. I haven't seen him since. He went back to his ex-wife, who he despised, but she can financially support him. I filed for divorce and he "threw the papers out". That makes me believe he isn't happy and doesn't want me to be happy or go on with my life. Life is hard and I'm sad. I often wonder why people who do things like that, wind up not hurting the way they hurt the ones they leave. Anyway, I wanted you to know you are not alone.

I'm sorry that you're still in so much pain. You're right. It's not fair but that's life. You don't need to worry about him. Karma will level the playing field. In the meantime you need to focus on the positive. You are now free from spending the rest of your life with someone so lacking in character. Would you really want this person who could treat you so badly to be the father of your future children? Would you trust him to take care of you if you were really sick? You deserve better and now you have the opportunity to find someone who deserves you. Before you can do that you need to heal. If you haven't already done so, please consider counseling and perhaps Divorce Care.

Remember: No one "posts" or emphasizes the crappy stuff in their lives, so him being "happy and moved on" maybe is true, maybe it isn't. In a divorce, it seems, one person is impacted more emotionally by it than the other. I would venture to guess that those who feel the worse about it are the ones on this website.

Try and not to concern yourself with him and how he feels. As time goes on, you will care less and less about what he does, who he is with, and why he didn't try hard enough. Once you have filled your life with good, positive things, then the parts that were him won't matter.

It is easier said than done, but totally possible.

You didn't fail. It takes two to make a marriage work, and it can't work if one abandons or stops trying. His response, "I don't care" says a lot about him. Be glad you got out at 26 instead of spending 10, 20 more years with someone who can disregard his spouse like that.

Wishing you peace....

I agree on the therapist and divorce care.i also attend Alanon.

Sounds like he was an emotional,verbal and mental abuser.
It is going to take a lot to heal from. I went to two different
Therapist they both said the same thing. He is an abuser
Get away.

My dry ah is the one that walked away after one emotional affair
Then he went underground to another affair which eventually
went Sexual. Then he told me after 29 yrs he wanted a
Divorce.

He had checked morally,mentally and emotionally for at
Least 3 yrs. the 8 yrs before that weren't pleasant with his
Controlling ways. He is a dry alcholic with abuse/bullying
Behaviors.

Hank you all so much for your reply. I am just afraid ou know... Some people aren't meant to be married and have a family, what if I am one of them. I'm just afraid that even dating people will judge me for being 26 and divorced :(

You still need to give yourself time to heal. I used to think like you, that I was going to be this "divorced" stigma. If someone is going to judge you for being divorced without knowing your story, you don't want to date them. As far as your ex, he sounds like he's never going to be able to give you the closure you're looking for, most of our exes aren't capable that's why we're here. The best thing you could do is try to avoid texting or calling him at all cost, it gets easier...I never thought it would. Over time you'll start to get comfortable by yourself, which is really important, especially since you're so young. Don't worry about the next step yet, just let yourself heal.

i am sorry you are going through all of this.

i have definitely had some of those feelings, and i still do. the cliff notes version of my story is that my husband couldn't handle being a father and husband, started cheating on me with multiple women, got himself kicked out of our marital home for boozing and cheating. then begged and promised his way back in, only to decide that he doesnt want to be financially, morally, and maritally responsible, and left myself and our (then) 1 year old son. he is an alcoholic, a chronic liar, a serial cheater, and a master manipulator. he has spent the last several months whining out one side of his mouth about how broke he is, making "poor me" excuses to not see his baby, telling anyone who'll listen how i wronged him. meanwhile he barely works, spends every dime on booze, drugs, and chasing loose, questionable women.

i have times when i think i'll explode from anger and frustration. how can he live like life's one big party, and not take even a minute out of the day to do right by his beautiful baby boy? but, that's how some people are. i am working on acceptance, but it is still hard sometimes. i will tell you this: it IS getting easier. each day that i choose to be good to myself, to build a better MYself, to put him in the past, to stay NO contact with him (no calls, txts, Facebook, email, etc). it helps. some days kick me in the teeth still, but it comes less often and i am starting to realize, hey he put on a facade with me, he's no longer the man i fell in love with, if he ever truly was.

if your exH can do these things, it shows who he really is on the inside. it's not a reflection of you, it's a reflection of his poor character. and when it blows up in his face don't be surprised if his attitude toward you changes, and he tries to come running back. that's how selfish people are sometimes, trying to use the one they betrayed as their soft landing place when their affair falls apart.

as far as feeling the stigma, well, i'm in my early 30's but i still have a lot of the fears you express. who's ever gonna want a 30 something divorced lady with a baby? no guy's ever gonna want to date me with all that baggage, where and when would i find someone anyway, etc etc. as far as your friends go, some of mine are still out partying, and there's no way i could keep up with them now. most are in happy successful relationships though, and i feel like a loser at times. we just can't compare ourselves to others and their journey. we are on our own journey. no one here is a failure because their relationship ended. it takes 2, and when one party gives up (i.e. cheating, leaving, etc) then the WISE choice is to move on and better ourselves. sad to say, but some people stay stuck forever in the bad scenario, and that is the real tragedy. be kind to yourself, take good care of yourself. do the things you want to do, put the things in your life you want there. if you build the best "you" you can be, two things will happen: one, the right people, as in friends AND dates, will be drawn to you. and, two, you will be able to be happy in your life regardless of who else might be there or not. sorry for the novel, just want you to know that the struggles of a lot of us are similar, at any age, and the road to recovery is similar too. there are a lot of good people here, i have been here since only March but can honestly say that there were many days when just knowing my DS people were alongside me, made all the difference in the world. again, sorry to hear this for you. big hugs to you, you are stronger than you know.

People who cheat tend to move on and "not hurt".

But they also tend to repeat their choices and end up back in the same spot over and over again.

It takes practice to tell people that you're divorced. I suggest that you just try and see what kind of reactions you get. Some will run .....that's okay....those aren't the people you want to be around anyway. Some will react nasty (again good..... it'll save you time figuring out who you don't want to know).

And some will be wonderful....great.....those are the people you'll want to continue to know.

So sorry that you are hurting.

It's not important right now how you tell future daters that you are divorced - live for today - don't worry about things or people in your future, - if they don't like that you are divorced - you don't want them anyways.

Why do some people move on without looking back everyday? - because we aren't born twins and our lives was just fine before we met the person and will be after they are gone as well. We all have seasons and your season with him is over - hurts, I know - but he's living life - you deserve the same.

Sorry about his reply "I don't care" - he's a jerk!!!

Why is he chilling w/someone new why you are crushed? - that's how life goes - we all take turns being on top and then later being at the bottom - his day will come. Don't wish him suffering but be sure he'll get his - no one is exempt. This is your season to hurt but better days are ahead. Use this time to work on you, to grow and become an even better version of you.

Keep your chin up - you can do this.

Be well

You are hurting because you have not yet recognized or accepted that your ex-husband completely manipulated you into blaming yourself for the split. He is a sociopath.

Are you in therapy?

I echo the advice of the others--get yourself to a counselor.

You have so much life left to life. This one sad event doesn't have to define you for the rest of your life.

Please don't worry about what others will think about your being divorced. It's not their business.

Please go no contact with him for good. You must begin moving to acceptance of your situation and this is the first step. Erase his number, delete messages, don't contact. You can see that contacting him only serves to hurt you. You have to start detaching.

Please talk a counselor--it really does help.

Sending healing hugs!!!

Thank you thank you!!! I have been torturing myself wth all these questions. Wondering what else could I have done to make him stay. But unfortunately there is nothing I could of dont to save our marriage. He is the person he is and it would of never worked because he is a cheater and a liar. If he didnt do this now he would of dont this to me 5 years10 years down the road. Thank you everyone. It feels really comforting to know that I can express my feelings without being judged