Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So I left my husband of 9 years last July because his actions were causing me a lot of stress and I felt like I was going to lose my mind. My ex would go out several times a week with his buddies drinking and would come home very late after I repeatedly told him this was unacceptable and disrespectful. He also has never been responsible or financially stable. I had always been the main breadwinner in the marriage and he never really made the effort to improve himself to find better jobs. There were also other issues like his temper and lack of help in the home and with our daughter. We even tried counseling last February and that worked for like a month and then he went back to his old ways. After separating I found out that he lied of about a lot of things (including pawning our wedding rings during our marriage) and he even cheated on me. I definitely feel I made the right decision by leaving, but now that the judge is going to sign off on the divorce in a few days I'm feeling so sad. I was so strong in the beginning (and pretty happy) and now I just feel weak and depressed. I don't understand why the sudden change. I remember the bad things but I also remember the good memories. He has apologized for everything he put me through a couple times but I have refused to let him back in my life because I'm scared he will hurt me again. Sometimes I do wonder if I should give him yet another chance since we do have a 6 year old daughter. This has been a lot harder than I thought.
I guess what I am trying to say is look out for your own happiness. Think more about the things he didnt give you and less about the things he did. This will help you get through it. We all go through a remorce period as it is just like grieving a death and the same steps of grieving.
You will get through this.
Best of Luck !
We've been married for 26 years and our divorce will be final in a few weeks (it also just needs to be signed). Like you, I was so strong in the beginning, but feel sad and so lonely. It's frustrating because I love being married and don't want to go throught this. But staying with him (at least for me) only gave him enough time to prove what I knew all along, that he wasn't right for me and only really cared about himself. Now, I feel I've wasted a good part of my life on the wrong person and I have great regret. I settled... he took full advantage. He did the same hurtful things over and over again through the years, and didn't care who he hurt (me, his kids, extended family members, etc).
I am in therapy and learned that this is a transitional period (divorce and post divorce) and is difficult (humans are creatures of habit and change isn't easy), but once we adjust, it will become our new "norm" and not as uncomfortable. You and your daughter deserve so much better. Remember, you can't make room in your life for blue skies and sunshine if you remain in a dark storm (bad marriage).
I am learning to be happy alone, so if someone exceptional comes along, I'll be exceptional too. I'm focusing on what I can change (me) and letting go of the rest. I hope you find peace and contentment and that life gets better for you. Hugs.
You worry because you're making a change. Remind yourself it's a positive change, for the better...kids pick up on BS between parents, so don't put your daughter through any more of his mess.
You wouldn't be thinking about inviting the burglars back. They did you wrong and there was no excuse for it. So maybe if you start looking at your spouse like a burglar too, then you might be able to get over feelings of inviting him back.