Concentrate on your kids and try not to think about your husband. Thinking about him will just upset you and that is not what you want right now. I hope that you find true love and happiness.

Sorry for your marriage break up. I think that it is good you ex waited until the eldest was 18, he put the kids first and that makes a good Dad. The affair makes him a bad spouse but like you said if you 2 were happy, then he would have probably stayed. People leave marriages differently, I tried counselling an then just left. I have been on the other side of affairs, my previous ex did that to me and it was hurtful and I would never do that to anyone.

You will do fine, it takes a bit to get going but my last divorce I had 2 kids in university and I was on my own and it turned out okay. You did not waste 22 years as you have 2 great kids and that would have never happened if you didn't marry your ex. You are young still and can build a new life and have a new husband that loves you and is faithful next time :)

I suppose that I have a different way of thinking about your situation. I feel like he stole years of your life pretending to love you and you in turn were putting up with a lot, no doubt thinking he be nicer if there was less stress or when it was just the two you in the home you could settle down to nice life. You can't get all those years back from a man who proved to be a total ass hat.

Yes, you did get your kids raised but you could have done that anyway. ScorpionNM is right though, try to focus on your children right now and hope your attorney can work out a decent settlement. My heart goes out to you. I hope you one day find all the love and happiness you deserve with the right man. It's certainly never to late to start over and enjoy a happier life.

Gutted also has some very good thoughts. Your husband stole those years from you without giving you the happiness you should have had.

Wow so for a second there I thought while reading your post that someone was pretending to be me. Your situation is so close to mine. I was married for 20 years. My heart breaks for you as I know how you feel. I too am also realizing that I was so miserable that I was just existing in our marriage. Yes I loved him but he kept abusing the fact that I was a good person and wouldn’t ever cheat or leave him. I now only get angry when he gets ahold of me to tell me something he thinks I should do or he gives my girls money telling them to not give it to your mom. He hasn’t paid a dime to help out and left me with everything While knowing I didn’t have a job. Anyways keep your head up and prove the world wrong when it comes down to what you think about yourself. I know these feelings and I want you to know your awesome and someday he will see what he lost if you be the better person and move on with life. You can send me a private message if you want and I will give you my email address sometimes it’s nice to know someone else who has gone through the same crap understands your feelings.

Im going threw divorce after 20 years and we still have to live together because i lost my job and got in trouble with the law and have court dates. I need him financially i dont know what im going to do.. im so scared to be alone. He will take our dog tooo. Right now im upstairs he is downstairs. I live in misery.

My marriage is coming to an end after a very long unloving 25 years. If I a being honest with myself, we were never compatible from the beginning. Maybe I felt I wasn't worthy of more? I'm not sure how the two of us stayed married all these years. I know our daughter played a big role in keeping us together. She is 14 years old now and I know it's going to hurt her once we divorce. I don't think we can survive another 4 years. I think it's more damaging for her to see two unhappy parents.

You may not realize it now, but you will find a happiness that you have never had before. Now that you are free of years of emotional abuse, You will like the new you that is worthy of love.


I'm stepping out after all these years and it scares the heck out of me. If I could go back in time, I'd slap me silly too.

You're going to be OK once the dust settles.

Going through a divorce right now....I keep thinking she will change her mind, but that just hurts to think that. And this damn season - Christmas is not (contrary to Andy Williams) "the most wonderful time of the year." Advertising lets us now what we DON'T have (happy couple with kids loving life). Ouch. Perhaps these marketing people don't have my best interests at heart??!! I ask myself, "What did I do wrong? Can I go back and change it? Is this real? Why do people get into relationships in the first place, knowing this pain?" Sorry for the downer, just trying to reach out......thanks for your posts.

I've been divorced for 2 months now after 16 years of marriage. It was in the works since June when my wife came up to me one day, and she said "I'm done". Neither of us had been happy for a long time. We have a 14 year old son and a dog. She has kept the house with all of them in it, and I went and bought a condo. We had been at odds for years. Neither of us would show any any affection toward one another and we really set a bad example for our son-really selfish on both our parts. I was always frustrated because she constantly focused on the negative and would insult me in front of other people and our son, constantly putting me down for not being either this or that, very envious of others situations and making a point to point it out to make me look inferior. She was the main bread winner and is in an upper-management position in her field. She was very conceited and always rode a high horse if you know what I mean. I always tried to be present for our son and for her coming home every night and stayed very loyal to the marriage. I never cheated on her. I don't think she did on me either, but I think she had her eye on someone at the gym where she had been working out for years. There was one night where she didn't come home at all one night and didn't call or anything. When I confronted her about it, she said she had too much wine and didn't want to drive and that she stayed over with one of her friends. It could have been a boyfriend, I don't know, but I didn't press her on it. I guess I was kind of boring. I did have a snoring problem so we didn't sleep together a lot the past few years. I was just full of heart break the past few years and I still am. I really don't like her personality and I'm probably better off personally, but I miss my son, the dog and all the friends and family we've shared over the years. especially this time of year which makes it more difficult. I know I need to move on and accept it, but it is really hard. It is mainly due to pride and ego, not wanting to feel like such a failure or loser. I still can't believe this happened to me.
It helps to vent, but I think I need to move on and forget about the past, be more positive living in the present, and never lose sight of my hopes and dreams for the future that will lead to bigger and better things.

I was married for 47 years to a Gay man and just finally found out in 2016. He was trying to torment me out of the marriage. My life was a living hell and I've never had a better year- post split and then divorce. He was terminated 9 times in his adult life but wouldn't own up to himself being the cause. It was alway someone else's fault - the quintessential narcissist. Yes, things are different and hard to adjust to, but they are also MUCH better. You will be able to move out again and you will see your way forward more each week. It takes time. We've had our entire lives turned upside down and never imagined we'd be alone like this. That doesn't mean it's scary or bad - just different. After being poisoned, cheated on for 47 years, called names, listened to the poor me in life junk for decades, suffered through his Gay lover calling me up to reveal I was in their way, and ridiculously gaslighted when I found him out, my life is now so much calmer. I lived with a very angry man who had virtually no facial expressions, used the silent treatment to manage me if I spoke and tried to communicate and solve anything, and hated sex (he was passionless), I am living all alone with my wonderful doggies. I determine my own destiny and don't have this vile man trying to screw it up anymore. Trust me. This is better. I do lament occasionally on the almost 5 decades I've lost but I also know those years are what built me to be this intelligent and strong. I love that woman. In the end, she kicked him out, kept him away and divorced him. I am proud of her and her core morals and beliefs in life. She's now morphed into me. I can say I will never again trust anyone completely. Just cannot.

Thank you all for your support and replies. I’m trying to make sense of it all.

You were with him for long enough that he has to support you enough until you can complete schooling/training for a position that can sustain you. Please pursue that route. And if you don't want to live with your mom, he should be paying for an apt. for you.

I scared and lonely also

Introvert61 I’m fighting for post separation support. Thanks

don't waste your time looking back. You're 40. That's still pretty young nowadays. You have time to go to university and get a degree. What do you want to do?

Look forward. Don't waste another minute. What's done is gone. Disappeared.