I completely understand! It’s hard to not still feel a connection with someone who has been your partner for years. My husband also cheated, is a raging alcoholic and will probably move in with the women and her kids and i don’t want that in my life anymore but i miss the man he was and the man I️ married. Plus it’s so sad for the kids. Good luck to you. It’s all just so hard!

It takes awhile for our hearts to catch up with our brains. When we're rejected, we just don't understand it immediately. We don't get the "why" of it all, we think we did all that we could to sustain and grow a relationship, we really love that person, we thought they loved us too, etc. Our minds try so hard to make sense of it, but our hearts have the upperhand in the beginning. Slowly you'll realize that missing him is futile, that the path has been chosen and whether you like it or not, it's your new path. Your brain begins the process of acceptance and finding a way to move on.

Try to think of it like this: you parked your car in a parking lot, got out and started walking away, then saw an 18 wheeler coming at your car full speed. That truck demolished your car, pieces went flying everywhere, all that's left is burning and smoking parts. You realize right away a couple of things:

-you had no say in your car being smashed
-there is no way this car can be salvaged
-wait - you're ok, you're unhurt and you still can walk and talk
-you're in total shock, but you know you have to do a lot of things to resolve this issue
-you call people - the police, your auto insurance provider, the car rental people, family or friends

If only breakups could be resolved so easily. The heart is stubborn.

He is wrong for having a affair and not seeing his kids. He didn't leave you kicked him out and filed for divorce. You are correct he is only thinking of himself and was doing so when he started an affair. Is it possible you miss him because as you said you are lonely but also loving someone doesn't just end because they hurt you. There is a difference between being mad at someone and not loving them anymore.

I hear that you are very hurt and shocked regarding the choices your husband made in having an affair and leaving you and your kids for the other woman. It is very painful. I understand having been there myself. It's not wrong to miss your husband. He was your life partner and is the father of your children. It will take time to mourn the loss of your marriage and to heal. Grief is a part of the healing process. Do you have close family and or friends that can support you through this time in your life? Attending a support group can also help you. DivorceCare.org has support groups all over the country and it's comforting to find others who are going through or have been through what you are going through. I also found my faith to be a big part of my healing process and my strength. Do you have a faith or belief system that can help you?

Blessings to you and your husband and children. I pray for healing and reconciliation for you and your husband.

What would you say if you could or so speak with him?

I'm very sorry for all that has happened to you. And your family. You did the right thing. But now ask yourself the question I just asked. And ask yourself if you think any response would make all the damage go away. And close your eyes and repeat each time the urge comes on.

Have confidence in yourself. You'll be fine. Remember that you and your family need you even more than ever now. Hang in there. Keep us posted.

Emotions are funny like that. And not HaHa funny, more like hurtful uncomfortable funny.

You know you will not tolerate what he did but that doesn't mean you guys didn't click on some level.

You miss that click. Sorry.

Hold on. Breathe through the missing the click.