Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Disappointed and dumbfounded

Marna
Marna

I had gastric bypass surgery in 2012, my husband has been in a depression for the last 2 years. Up until 2 mos ago i had convinced myself that i just didn’t need to give up on him. I felt like when one is weak and wanting to give up that’s when the other picks up the pieces for both. We were/are  still living together and he just got an attorney and is wanting a divorce. He doesn’t talk when we are together and recently if im home he’s not. He was upset with me because I told him that I would not use the same attorney as him. I don’t feel thats a good idea for anyone. I’ve started packing and he’s expecting me to out asap. Im not staying in the town we live in. He can have the house. However I’m not leaving everything behind for him either. We have been together for 15 years! Until today i still respected him for being such a wonderful person. I just felt like he’s going thru some sort of midlife crisis. But then..... my attorney send me a dissolution of marriage. It states that im unemployed and that i can work to support myself, he will have full custody of my 17yo son (he adopted) and that i pay his attorney fees and child support. I have been disabled since 2012!! Wtf?!?! 


Im so dumbfounded and confused. 


It doesn’t help matters that i also have a uti infection, a cracked rib and shingles! I just feel like giving up!

Marna
Marna
Plus he blames everything on my surgery. He wants me to go out drinking all the time and I don’t want to anymore
mar3347
mar3347
My husband i believe as well is going through some sort of midlife crisis....all of the same tones of a crisis...doesn't want the responsibility anymore and I get sorry but I have to do this but also get blamed for where are marriage is now.....My husband is also a big drinker also ...we use to do it together but like you Iam done with it. Its so hard we have been married come feb 28yrs so my pain and grief runs deep since we are at the beginning of this. But what I have been hearing from so many even a counselor I spoke to this week... is you have to learn to detach (easier said then done I know....still working on that myself) and most important take care and learn to love yourself again. God bless and keep the faith.
Ghostdancer
Ghostdancer
You better seek an attorney it’s not a short term process. With him already filed it doesn’t mean he gets to call the shots from now on a judge will be involved thus the need for your own attorney so he can motion the court for spousal support and your own doctor that says your disabled will be making a statement to that effect. Laws are different in every state, most are no fault needed and 50/50 on credits and debits. Where you haven’t worked a judge might say your able to work but with disability then that’s different. No using same attorney as that idea sounds tipped in his favor currently. Wishing you peace and wellness on this new chapter of life.
11Christmases
11Christmases
Don't sign it! Maybe your attorney (or a paralegal) sent you their template dissolution agreement that they use for everyone. Cross out what you don't like, make changes and send it back. Definitely get something about your disability in there if you cannot work. Also, how much child support are they expecting you to pay, since you don't work and your son is 17 anyway? Twenty percent of $0? I remember going back and forth several times between my attorney and the ex's attorney. Sorry that it costs money, I know it's really expensive for the sloppy service you get sometimes, but we all push through it. Someday you'll feel like a giant weight has been lifted from you. Best of luck and I hope you're feeling better soon.
Marna
Marna
My son said to tell him I’m not paying him a f#*{ing dime lol. I did get an attorney but i just feel lost. Did i do something to make him so bitter? He used to be such an honest and trustworthy guy. I truly believed we were meant to be together. But I never dreamed he would change so much. I thought as you grow old you changed and that’s okay because vows state for
Better or worse. I was okay with that. But i guess not everyone stands by what they vow.
Marna
Marna
Mar3347
I totally get where you’re at! Luckily I’ve had therapy almost my entire life because my mom had mental illnesses and my dad was an alcoholic. Detachment was taught to me at a very early age. It doesn’t make it any easier though. I’m still at the beginning of it. We’ve only been separated 3 weeks. But i have an attorney and they have our 1st court date already next week! For him to start paying me alimony and my attorney fees! Im not even asking for child support.(for now) because my son is so old and he’s in school and stays on campus. I don’t have to pay for anything. But if you need someone to tt that’s going thru the same thing, im here! I could probably use the distraction myself!