I am so sorry tor what you are going through.....I have been married 8.5 years to who I thought I would spend the rest of my life together, and then one day I got served papers.

Over the next few weeks / months, I did a lot of self reflecting and examining of my life and the mistakes I made in our relationship. As of today, she has not shared anything with me other than to say that it is 'her, not me.'

I can feel your pain.....only God knows why these things happen. And some nice woman on this site wrote to me something I have thought about the past couple of days: maybe God is having us experience this trial to get us to look at ourselves and how we can / should improve ourselves to be a better, stronger person.

That is something very hard to look at because of all of the love and investment we put into relationships. I can only hope that you will not beat yourself up like I have been doing and that you realize that you have a lot of good qualities in you.

My prayers to you.....I hope God takes away your pain soon.

I so agree with RickOs God has a plan for everybodey, he knows it !

Well, let me tell you..... Please keep your head up, because if your smart enough to finish medical school, your on your way. You have something that is vary meaningful and know one can take from you and that's your education. Not everyone can be a Doctor and your just starting out, so its a chance you could be one of the best doctors in the world. Man get your books and focus on being the best doctor in the world and Make $1,000,000 per month. I know money isn't everything but when she see's you pull up in a Benz 65 and your listed in medical journals.... Shell come running back...... But by then you will have moved on to something bigger and better

You were a whole and complete person before you met her, you'll be a while and complete person without her.

I'll be a bit mean here: Stop calling and emailing her. She's not currently interested in hearing from you. You don't WANT to accept this but you have no other option right now.. You're split. Continuing to attempt contact is going to paint you with the crazy brush and you don't want that.

Mark,

You will be just fine.. it is a tough road but you will heal.
I was married for 17 years and he just decided to cheat one day..
It's a hard time but a freind said the other day.. This too shall pass.
We will be back to our selves again and we will find someone to be with.. someone that deserves us and treats us as we are meant to be treated and as we treat others..

Just hang in there.. try to get out meet new people.. and put her in the rear view...

Go to Meetups.com and see what's in your area.. there are so many things to do and so many people to meet.

and come here to talk anytime..

http://unknownphilosopherdreamer.blogspot.com/2013/10/how-to-get-over-your-ex.html

She's not interested in hearing from you or explaining anything because she started moving away from you long ago. She's way past you now, and you have just started this race. Don't contact her any more. Put a rubberband around your wrist and every time you think of ringing or texting snap it! You'll get through this, you just have to let the pain run its course.

First step stop calling and emailing. That will drive her away, my current situation I am dealing with the same thing. Get some help for yourself with a counselor, see if you have any issues you need to resolve personally. Involve a few friends if you feel the position too.

Mark,

I am quite a similar situation as you. My boyfriend and I had been together for just about 3 years and a few days, he decided he wasnt happy anymore and he moved out. I was totally blindsided and have no idea where this came from. Just a few weeks ago we were looking at bigger houses because we have talked about marriage and children. It so so incredibly difficult to not call or text, it's like we're so frantically looking for any type of communication and comfort that we cant help ourselves.

I hope that we both find peace, and soon.

Angela

Perhaps she felt this way for a while and didn't want to break up with you while you were still in school because it would mess you up emotionally, which it has, so that at least was thoughtful of her. Since she doesn't want contact with you, you really have no choice but to move on with your life. It's not a process that happens overnight, it takes time, and the longer and more intense the relationship the longer it takes. Stopping all contact with her will help you to move on sooner. Try to refocus your energy on getting a job. Put some time and distance between you and her, and eventually you'll start to feel like your old self again.

Hi Mark, one thing I've learned over the past few months is that the actions of those who've left us is pretty typical behavior and that we, the ones left behind, also act and react in very similar ways.

Many of us here know and understand how painful this is for you as many of us have been in the same position. Please know that you are not alone. This forum is a great source of support so I would advise you to visit and visit often. Remember to eat and to avoid isolating yourself. Welcome :)

I agree with SBJ, but I will add:

The ones who leave have, typically, had this plan in the works for some time. They have already decided on their dissatisfaction and they are in a spot where they have createda plan. Those who stay feel blindsided, at first, thinking, "Holy hell, where did this come from?"

Don't contact her. It looks desperate, and you are only going to keep getting your feelings hurt.

Congrats on medical school...that is one helluva accomplisment :)

I think that it is embarrassing for me to see people with worse problems and that this feels like the end of the world for me.
It is hard to accept because even though we were together for only 3 years (which feels like a lot to me) I was preparing to spend the rest of my life with this person.
I feel ashamed that she has been thinking of leaving me for a while or that she says she has anyway. It makes the last few months and all the good times that we had feel like a lie.
Everyone here has been so nice :) thank you for your comments, I will try to not contact her anymore, although i find it incredibly hard to not reach out. In the back of my mind i feel like i can't win her back if i don't contact her and i can't win her back if i do.
I know i shouldn't be thinking about winning her back, but is it wrong that i do? I would be lying if i said i didn't.

I think wanting to win her back is perfectly normal and those feelings are real. Acknowledge the feelings, talk them out here and with trusted friends. See a counselor for a place to talk, Be kind to yourself while you play the relationship over and over and over again in your mind. The thing you can do is control your behavior. As others have said here, contacting her will end up hurting you in the end. That being said, I think we all have done the contacting and added alot of pain to our own lives till we finally stopped that fruitless behavior. Stopping the contacting doesn't end the suffering but it puts the responsibility for our own feelings back on ourselves to heal. When that finally happens, the real healing begins and you will see life (and the relationship) in a whole different way.

One of the gifts that could come from this experience is the empathy you will gain for others who are suffering. The medical field needs professionals who understand the mind-body-spirit connection. I personally believe that dis - ease impacts the physically body and mental health. You are getting to experience this first hand. If we don't care for and understand our emotional world, it will show up in the physical body.

Today, life stinks and you're feeling the loss of your future hopes and dreams vanish in general and particular with this woman. All those people who you perceive to have it worse are probably feeling embarrassed and shame and failure because their hopes and dreams have disappeared too. What's at "cause" can be different for each of us, but the feelings are the same. Being kind to them and ourselves as we grieve through the losses is the most helpful healing process for you and them.

*I have found that going to a secluded place where I can throw several dozen cartons of eggs and scream and yell and cry, is a pretty therapeutic process!

Pfft, don't be embarassed....it's not the end of THE world but a Nast shock to YOUR world!

Just be strong.