Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Scared the heck out of my poor dog!
I'm an IT consultant and because of the geographic dispersion of my team, I can pretty much work from home when I want. I've been doing so since I was dumped two Fridays ago. I know, it's good to get out in the company of others, but I've just been going through so many emotions. Kind of nice having the quiet of my house to sort through them.
Anyway, this morning it was genuine anger. Not hate, but real pissed-off anger. I shouted for a good 20 to 30 minutes about her. All the pent-up anger and negative emotions came flowing out.
It felt real good too! I think I need this in order to take her off the pedestal I had her on. To snap me back to reality. That she's not perfect. That she's not the only one for me.
I have my dignity. I'm a good person. I'm a really nice guy. I'm an honorable man. When she asked me to, I promised to never leave her, and I meant it. It sure sounded like she meant it when she asked me. I was willing to take on the responsibilities of a women with 10 year old triplets who just quit her job without another lined up! In this economy!!
I approached my client to convert from a consultant to a FTE. Probably a little less pay but better benefits and more job security.
Yeah, I'm angry. I feel she did not give enough thought to the plans we were beginning to formulate. She did not give enough thought to how serious I was, even though it sure seemed like we both made it very clear that was on both of our minds. That she was equally serious.
How dare she talk about me going with her and her boys to Myrtle Beach for their winter break the very night before she broke it off. And all over quite a minor dustup she initiated got her to thinking, and she suddenly came to the conclusion we are completely different people.
And what I'm really pissed off about is it seems that Thursday night after the dustup she dug around on my facebook page and found I accepted a friend request from a friend from my past that just happens to be gay.
Several days after the breakup we had a civil discussion. When I tried to end it, she said she just had one question to ask me. It was if I had recently been in contact with the gay friend I had told her about. The only possible way she could have known that was from facebook, and the only possible time she could have found it out was between the dustup on Thursday night and the breakup on Friday morning. I found his friend request that Thursday night and accepted it.
That's when she threw religion in my face, explaining how I'm too liberal and she's much more conservative. I'm too open-minded. She doesn't understand how any heterosexual man can be friends with a gay man.
What she doesn't understand is my friendship with this man doesn't mean I approve of his lifestyle, but I can still respect him as a person and still be his friend. I can also not approve of her disdain for his lifestyle but still respect her wishes not to expose her kids to it. I guess these are topics she thought not very important to discuss with me prior to making her decision.
Jeez, it's not even like he lives in the same city. He's almost 3 hours away, I haven't talked with him in over 2 years, and it's highly doubtful he will come visiting any time soon, if ever.
You know, he's a real super guy too. He'd do anything for just about anyone. One of the most genuine and kindest people I know.
Okay, I'm finished venting. Sorry I let my anger come out here.
I'm an IT consultant and because of the geographic dispersion of my team, I can pretty much work from home when I want. I've been doing so since I was dumped two Fridays ago. I know, it's good to get out in the company of others, but I've just been going through so many emotions. Kind of nice having the quiet of my house to sort through them.
Anyway, this morning it was genuine anger. Not hate, but real pissed-off anger. I shouted for a good 20 to 30 minutes about her. All the pent-up anger and negative emotions came flowing out.
It felt real good too! I think I need this in order to take her off the pedestal I had her on. To snap me back to reality. That she's not perfect. That she's not the only one for me.
I have my dignity. I'm a good person. I'm a really nice guy. I'm an honorable man. When she asked me to, I promised to never leave her, and I meant it. It sure sounded like she meant it when she asked me. I was willing to take on the responsibilities of a women with 10 year old triplets who just quit her job without another lined up! In this economy!!
I approached my client to convert from a consultant to a FTE. Probably a little less pay but better benefits and more job security.
Yeah, I'm angry. I feel she did not give enough thought to the plans we were beginning to formulate. She did not give enough thought to how serious I was, even though it sure seemed like we both made it very clear that was on both of our minds. That she was equally serious.
How dare she talk about me going with her and her boys to Myrtle Beach for their winter break the very night before she broke it off. And all over quite a minor dustup she initiated got her to thinking, and she suddenly came to the conclusion we are completely different people.
And what I'm really pissed off about is it seems that Thursday night after the dustup she dug around on my facebook page and found I accepted a friend request from a friend from my past that just happens to be gay.
Several days after the breakup we had a civil discussion. When I tried to end it, she said she just had one question to ask me. It was if I had recently been in contact with the gay friend I had told her about. The only possible way she could have known that was from facebook, and the only possible time she could have found it out was between the dustup on Thursday night and the breakup on Friday morning. I found his friend request that Thursday night and accepted it.
That's when she threw religion in my face, explaining how I'm too liberal and she's much more conservative. I'm too open-minded. She doesn't understand how any heterosexual man can be friends with a gay man.
What she doesn't understand is my friendship with this man doesn't mean I approve of his lifestyle, but I can still respect him as a person and still be his friend. I can also not approve of her disdain for his lifestyle but still respect her wishes not to expose her kids to it. I guess these are topics she thought not very important to discuss with me prior to making her decision.
Jeez, it's not even like he lives in the same city. He's almost 3 hours away, I haven't talked with him in over 2 years, and it's highly doubtful he will come visiting any time soon, if ever.
You know, he's a real super guy too. He'd do anything for just about anyone. One of the most genuine and kindest people I know.
Okay, I'm finished venting. Sorry I let my anger come out here.
My business has plenty of gay men and some are pretty conservative. I consider them my friends and am glad to know them.
good for you for standing up for yourself...
As far as liberal vs conservative, she was referring to religious beliefs and interpretation. Politically I'm somewhat right-of-center. Not red-meat right-wing, but I definitely have conservative leanings, espicially fiscally. I am more to the center socially though. I believe in live and let live, as long as it's not hurting anyone.
And you're right, my gay friend is probably more conservative than me, including socially! He actually got pissed-off at a therapist he went to that told him to embrace his homosexuality! Walked right out on the first session!!
Aside from being hurt, feeling betrayed by someone I deeply loved and cared for, angry and experiencing keen sense of loss, I am also deeply disappointed in her.
Ex-H is very judgmental about people, and hated my involvement with questionable people. In my volunteer work, I meet them all, and have to be impartial to their lifestyle. I learned to be accepting of people a few years ago I would avoid eye contact with.
Now, I have a boyfriend, and he hates FaceBook. I have reconnected with friends from grade school, high school, college and volunteer work. He found posts from a man going through possible divorce, knowing I just got mine, so wanted info, and another the same day from a volunteer buddy asking when we could go to dinner. It's wasn't a date, he's just a friend.
Then there's the man I dated before him in college. He came out after our break-up, it didn't shock me, never were intimate, we keep in touch, and he said that I was the only woman he wanted to be with, but it wouldn't be fair to me. I thought that was a great compliment. Most people don't get that we are still in touch.
Ex-H hated/hates everyone in my life, says I gave up my religion. My church gave up on me, found a new one with same beliefs, willing to admit a divorced woman.
I am an extremely conservative person, but dealing with Red Cross victims, especially from Katrina, isn't compassion a huge part of any faith?
I noticed today she's back on my friends list, so she re-activated her account. Has to be that because I did not send nor receive a friends request.
Neither she nor I are really very active on facebook. We'd check maybe every few days or so. She mostly posts updates on her boys. I keep track with my friends from the old neighborhood in NYC. She posted Monday that all three made honor role on their mid-term report cards.
It doesn't really bother me now. At least not right at this moment. The anger I released today seems to have temporarily given me some strength. Let's see how long that lasts. I'll try to build on it.
But she apparently was offended I accepted a friend request from a gay friend from my past, and I have absolutely zero sexual attraction to men, nor would I ever think of exposing her or her kids to him if that was her desire.
Frankly I doubt I'll ever see him in person again, but thought it would be nice to maybe message him occasionally. My bad...
The more I think about it, the more it angers me.
And yes, compassion is a huge part of Christian faith. She threw the Crucifixion in my face, asking if I believed a literal acceptance of that doctrine was the only way to eternal salvation. I replied that I try to live my life by asking myself how Jesus would behave in any given situation. Now I know I fall far short of being able to live up to that standard, but I do try. After all, I'm only human, with all the inherent frailties.
I wonder if she ever considered how Jesus would have reacted to one of his Apostles having a friendship with a gay man...
Hang in there.
But what I do question is if she did have some doubts creeping in, she should have discussed them with me or at the very least not kept up the pretense with planning a vacation together then spinning on a dime in the exact opposite direction overnight. That does make me mad.
By the way, the Myrtle Beach vacation is the most minor bit of future planning. It's inconsequential in the scheme of the other plans she seemed to be investing in.