You did the right thing, you tried for your son to make the visit work-you can't make the ex act like a responsible grown up or parent to his son. Just because he said he was 2 hrs away doesn't even mean that he really was- could be he was playing games that in the end try to make it look like YOU are the bad guy for not making the visit happen. Hugs to your son-just be a good Mom to him and he will understand who is always there for him. From now on don't bend over backwards to accommodate him- even though it is for your son. 30 days notice is probably hard to stick to because life has a way of putting things in your past-in the future IF you feel like it and he has shown he is trying then you can maybe be a bit flexible- but not until he has proven he is willing to do the right thing for his son.

I think you did what you could. He made it impossible for you... and that was probably his plan.
Keep proof that you did what you could do, given the short notice (copies of the rental receipt/phone records/etc) just in case he decides he wants to fight and say that you denied him access to his son (despite the fact that he didn't give 30 days notice... but keep proof that it wasn't 30 days).
You did what you could. Your son knows that.
(((((((((((((((((namaste)))))))))))))))))))))

I think you went far enough to accommodate him. It's not like you both live in the same town. If you enforce the rules from the start - rules that were set by the court - then he either has to learn to live by them or not see his son. I think you know who it was who really wanted to see his son. He probably caught hell from her and was forced to get in the car and drive to get him. Well it backfired. No judge is going to look down on you for not being able to accommodate his laste-minute requests when you have a job to go to. That's rediculous. Stick to your guns. He'll learn ... or not.

Keep your phone bills with the time of his calls so you can produce something just in case he decides to take it to court. He is clearly taking advantage and you will now have to adhere to the 30-day notice ad was originally arranged.

Also make notations about both of them calling and screaming at you because neither should have done that either. I'm so sorry you are out money for the rental car. What a bunch of idiots.

You went out of your way and even rented a car you ended up not needing to meet his needs. Its his fault for not following through or communicating the changes in a timely fashion. Don't let him and his mother guilt you and make it your problem. You have enough issues in your own life without having to babysit two adults too.

Thank you, everyone.

I really hate anger and frustration and arguing. It's uncomfortable for me and not my style.

I've also learned that I refuse to be pushed around by him. And yes...this trip is about his mother....not him. She pushes this.

There will be no more bending orders....I'm sticking to lhe letter...lesson learned.

i would have a hard time not telling them to move closer if they are so concerned with spending time with him.

He is active duty. He had a choice of relocating closer, and chose not to take it. While I understand his work situation, it's still no longer an excuse. I too worked for the military and know for a fact...that had he put in leave in an appropriate manner, and explained a court ordered 30 day notice was needed. It would have been given. The military doesn't fool around with that, period.

tell me,

aren't you SO freaking grateful your son has one parent that provides stability, a considerate heart, has his best interests, isn't self-centred and is just all around loving enough for 2 parents and a grandmother?

I sure am, that kid is blessed, seriously.

Joy said it best!

So frustrating I know. The issue is you are dealing with a non communicator... you can never win and they will always make you feel like you have done something wrong. Hugs to you. You are in the right.

You are absolutely doing the right thing! That is ridiculous! You went above and beyond what you should have to do for him. Keep records/journal of everything that happened though, you may need it for court.

You did the right thing. I would also keep documentation, just in case.

I think at this point you need to let them know you are going by the letter of the decree-period. You've tried to accommodate them and all you got was verbal abuse and $60 wasted. Time for them to make better plans.

Sorry you have to go through this.

I think you made an effort, although you did not want to. I don't believe any further attempts should be made on your part.

Kudos for making the effort, and kudos for standing up for yourself when he dropped the ball. Again.

I have an ex that use to do the same thing. Him and his mother. They would call me at 7:30 in the morning while I was getting ready to leave for work and ask to have my daughter for the day. Or they would want her one day then call and want to change it to a different day. Or they would have her and were supposed to bring her home at a certain time/day and tell me they couldnt I had to come get her, or want a different day/time/place of exchange. It happen so often for so many years. I always tried to accommodate too. We have NO court order for visitation. It has always just been when it works out for him or his mom to take her.

After I met my now husband who has been through the ringer at court with his daughter and has a court order and has to bend over backwards for his ex, he was just in awe that I would put up with that. He thought it was just ridiculous. We talked about it a lot and decided that now that I need to start setting up some boundaries. It was really hard at first. I really hate confrontation. So it was hard to stand my ground and insist that I had to have notice of visits and changes, that when they take her and said they were going to bring her back that they had to no changing their minds and me dropping everything to drive a few hours to get her back. Of course I was looked at as unaccommodating and unreasonable by them. But Im sooooo glad I held my ground.

Now my daughter will be 14 next month. We still have no court order in place for visits. Her dad lives 5 hours away. My daughter is able to have a life with friends and family here, she is involved in sports and church. She can make plans and participate in things and not worry about having to change them. Every couple of months I send my ex a calendar of the next few months of my daughters schedule. I tell him to look it over and if he wants her any of the days she has open to let me know. He still has family in the area where we live, so if he happens to come visit, he can look and see if daughter has anything going on. He knows of all her games and tournaments and were they are at I put them on the calendar and its up to him if he wants to be there. He can see when she has school days off and can decide if he wants to get her during them. We have been doing that now for 2 years. It works really well.

I say, set your boundaries and stick to them. Do not feed into the guilt trips. It is your responsibility to support a relationship between son and dad but you do not have to be taken advantage or disrespected to do so. It is disrespectful for him to just change plans all the time and expecting you to just go along and make it happen. How old is your son? Is he able to communicate with dad via text, email, skype, facebook? My daughter is old enough to do that now, so I figure she and him can form their own relationship and I just dont talk bad about him, I dont discuss the fact he owes me $18,000 in arrears, I encourage her to call and text him, I will meet up with him for exchanges, let him know of things going on with her schedule, inform him how she is doing in school.