Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi all..
I am going through the roughest days of my life after accidentally finding out that my girlfriend of 5 years, whom I was convinced was my soul mate, love of my life and (insert-any-other-love-cliche here) was cheating on me with a colleague of hers from her school.
She moved halfway across the world just 4 months ago to do her PhD, she assured me that she was 100% committed to us and our future together. We'd gone through some rough times and she'd proved herself to me, I trusted her completely.
I flew out to visit her for a couple weeks just before Christmas. The day after Christmas, I accidentally glanced at an email that she'd left open on her laptop. It was from her new 'friend' from school, saying that she couldn't wait for the day I left so that they could finally do what they'd been yearning to do for weeks..
My world crumbled.. Suddenly I heard that she's 'changed', she wants to 'explore other people' (she is 10 years younger than me), she 'loves me still but is not in love with me anymore', she 'misses the excitement we had at the beginning', she would like 'a break' from us..
I just didn't see it coming. Of course we'd had our problems but I thought that we had the foundations to survive the distance, at least for longer than just a couple of months.. I lost my lover and my best friend in the blink of an eye, my world has spun upside-down.
The whole thing has left me absolutely devastated, traumatized and questioning my own instinct.. I still love her deeply, despite what she has done. I am still holding on to the possibility of a reconciliation.
Any thoughts out there?
I am going through the roughest days of my life after accidentally finding out that my girlfriend of 5 years, whom I was convinced was my soul mate, love of my life and (insert-any-other-love-cliche here) was cheating on me with a colleague of hers from her school.
She moved halfway across the world just 4 months ago to do her PhD, she assured me that she was 100% committed to us and our future together. We'd gone through some rough times and she'd proved herself to me, I trusted her completely.
I flew out to visit her for a couple weeks just before Christmas. The day after Christmas, I accidentally glanced at an email that she'd left open on her laptop. It was from her new 'friend' from school, saying that she couldn't wait for the day I left so that they could finally do what they'd been yearning to do for weeks..
My world crumbled.. Suddenly I heard that she's 'changed', she wants to 'explore other people' (she is 10 years younger than me), she 'loves me still but is not in love with me anymore', she 'misses the excitement we had at the beginning', she would like 'a break' from us..
I just didn't see it coming. Of course we'd had our problems but I thought that we had the foundations to survive the distance, at least for longer than just a couple of months.. I lost my lover and my best friend in the blink of an eye, my world has spun upside-down.
The whole thing has left me absolutely devastated, traumatized and questioning my own instinct.. I still love her deeply, despite what she has done. I am still holding on to the possibility of a reconciliation.
Any thoughts out there?
Is there a possibility? slim but of course. This may be a flash in the pan but do not give yourself false hopes, please. I still think in the back of my mind I am hoping and praying but to live with a liar and cheater.......NO.
YOU are worth far more than that. Let her have her 'break'.
DO NOT fight her on this one. LET HER miss you.
y.......hurts like the devil, i know.
Give her time alone. Cut ties, contact. Make yourself busy. Do not be at her disposal.
I so wish you did not have to go thru this. Stay close here. Most here know the incredible pain and different way to deal. This board is full of great suggestions.
Welcome aboard!
But the disorientation of having ones hopes for a future life with someone just wiped like that..
How do I not pick up the phone to call her every few hours, to text her? She was my best friend..We shared everything.
you cannot short sheet the greiving process. you do, it will catch up with you.
Couldn't possibly imagine rebounding when I am still squelched against the board like this! :(
I know everyone says this at such times, but imagining anyone else in my life seems preposterous!
I so wish that I didn't still love her like this.
I am going through this myself, after 25 years of marriage my husband told me the same thing.
First step is to knowlege the hurt, ask God to help you through this hard time. Build a support group with people you trust.
Second Step: start thearpy, it has help me.
Third Step: start building your self up and start to enjoy you and your new life.
You can do I. We are here to help you get their.
You're going to miss her... it's going to take a while for you to "detoxify" yourself from her. But you need to; she's walked away and you need to relearn your life without her. Holding out for reconciliation will only hurt you.
Know that many of us here have been there, had to deal with that, and we know that it's a tough road but you can come out the other side. You need to be good to yourself--give yourself time to grieve, because it is a grieving process.
Try www.meetup.com if you're looking for more friends, or start volunteering somewhere (animal shelter, homeless shelter, etc)--people there often might have similar interests...
It is time to realize she has moved on without you and you are not in her sights as what she wants.
So definitely, you DO NOT pick up the phone and you don't text, you don't call, you don't see her and she is out of your life. The relationship is done. To call her shows her you still are connected to her and reaching out to her. She doesn't want it. Don't beg someone to love you. You are better than that.
It's not time to go on dating boards. Your skin is raw from this and it's time to go find a rebound relationship that won't work out.
Give yourself time to heal and then when you are not longing for her, then you can go on the dating boards.
Right now, she is like an infection in your system and you have to sweat it out. Take care.
Oh, get into photography, art classes, biking, hiking, any types of activity that will get your mind off her and stimulated onto another activity. Plus it gets you out among people. Keep telling yourself that you are a wonderful person and so worthty of someone much better than her. Many,many hugs.
She has made it clear you have been demoted from Number One to Number Two the backup plan.
She wants her cake and to eat it too, don't we all. She wants fun without you and to keep you on the backburner as her safety net in case her new life doesn't work out.
You sound like a good person and it will take you time to let go of her and you will probably hang on to the hopes of reconciliation much longer than is good for you.
We are here for you as you go through this hell journey.
I am so sorry you are experiencing this. Since this was a long term relationship, and you thought she was the love of your life, you are, unfortunately, going to have to settle in for a bumpy ride. My world was turned upside down in a way similar to yours over 2 years ago and I'm still healing. It is not an easy road so be gentle with yourself and get all the help you can get. Talk to people, let your family and friends support you, go to counseling. Read books. One of the best that I read was called 'Getting Past Your Breakup' by Susan Elliott. The title sounds cheesy, but it's a really helpful book.
As hard as it is to think about, even if you still love her and want to save the relationship, there is nothing you can say that will make her change her mind. She has to come to the conclusion that it's worth saving on her own. The best thing you can do is take care of you. If she wants her space, let her have it. That's the only chance of her deciding she misses you and wants to come back if that's what's supposed to happen.
I see that so many of you have been through similar torment and have come out of it intact on the other side, I'll try to keep it in mind as I go..:)
As unbelievable as it may seem to me at this moment.