Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Tomorrow will make it 3 month since my stbx told me he had cheated on me, loves her and is leaving me-taking my step-daughter with him. After about a month, we started marriage counseling. I was hopeful, I was seeing a change in him, but he was still living at his girlfriends' house. A few days before Halloween, he came home. Things were different, not necessarily bad, but different. We continued counseling. I thought I was being hyper-sensitive, watching him text out of the corner of my eye, wondering who it was. My birthday was 2 1/2 weeks ago. He surprised me with a nice gift and dinner. After I went to bed that night, he snuck out and went to see his gf. I woke up at 3am to find him gone. We he returned early the next morning, he told me he misses her and thinks he made a mistake coming back. I had to leave for work, so we agreed to continue the discussion that evening. I came that home and he has never returned, except to get clothes & a few other things for himself and his daughter. Found out they'd been texting or calling each other the entire time. Told me they are happy (gf has 2 kids), daughter is happy she has kids to play with. He stopped by last night (whole new family-- in the car) while he grabbed a few things he'd forgotten. OF course, telling me they were going out to get a Christmas tree. I've been replaced. He goes on with her and his new family.
We have an appointment on Monday to discuss division of belongings, divorce papers, etc.
I never thought this would be happening to me. The pain is crippling. I can't make sense of any of it. I am still in counseling, seeing my primary doctor, going to the gym, and I have family and friends to support me...but it's hard when they haven't been through something even remotely similar. I miss my step daughter so much, but seeing her kills me! I've written her letters, we text, but I cant see her, I just can't, not now anyway. I am screwing things up at work. I am going to go crazy!
I need suggestions and advice from those who have been through this. What really helps? I mean really helps. I know my family and friends mean well, and I love them all dearly. They just don't get it.
Thanks, sorry this is long and rambling.
We have an appointment on Monday to discuss division of belongings, divorce papers, etc.
I never thought this would be happening to me. The pain is crippling. I can't make sense of any of it. I am still in counseling, seeing my primary doctor, going to the gym, and I have family and friends to support me...but it's hard when they haven't been through something even remotely similar. I miss my step daughter so much, but seeing her kills me! I've written her letters, we text, but I cant see her, I just can't, not now anyway. I am screwing things up at work. I am going to go crazy!
I need suggestions and advice from those who have been through this. What really helps? I mean really helps. I know my family and friends mean well, and I love them all dearly. They just don't get it.
Thanks, sorry this is long and rambling.
My ex wife moved on immediately after she left. It sucks like no other pain believe me I know. The best thing you can do is basically cut off all contact except the divorce issues and try taking him for everything you can since he cheated. Visit www.chumplady.com for some great articles on cheaters and their true worth. Also www.breakuprecoveryguide.com for some tools to help you heal. These sites helped me tremendously.
Good luck to you, sorry about your step daughter it's really sad when kids are involved. I always thought about that with my ex because our son was not my biological son and I raised him since he was 2. He's 26 now and we have a great relationship. But I feared if we broke up when he was a child I would've lost him too, he is totally like a son to me 100% so I get where you're coming from. Hang in there it gets better but will take some time unfortunately.
But stop all unnecessary contact. Only about the kids and custody issues and the divorce issues. If I had followed this rule, the pain would be a lot better. Don't worry, karma is a bitch and OW will get what is coming. My ex cheated on OW constantly...mostly with me but I heard other rumors too. Its been 4 yrs and a few months ago my ex finally broke up with OW and 3 weeks later moved his new GF into his house. So she got what was coming to her. Most affair parents don't make it.
Next, get counseling if you haven't already. I swear it saved my sanity. Talk with your family and girlfriends as much as you can. They will get tired of it, but if they are a good friend, they will help keep you balanced.
Journal....writing your thoughts down and rereading them in a year will show you how far you have come.
Vent...OMG...vent a lot. Here is a great place for it.
Embrace your anger. Honestly, hurting is a necessary part of this painful journey but you are hurting...not healing. Anger allows you to heal IMO. My goal with my ex is to kill my feelings for him and anger is slowing killing my feelings. Not sure if I love my ex any longer but I sure do dislike him now.
Make a list of every bad memory with him. Reread it when feeling down. Make a list of every trait of his you dislike. Reread it when feeling down.
Good luck. Not sure how long you were in the relationship, but it seems the longer in a relationship, the longer it will take to heal. I am 4 yrs post split and still have a lot of healing to do. Of course, I made it worse by reconciling a few times for him to just go back to OW.
Block him from your cell. Make him contact you by email. That way you control when you reply. Don't check your email at work. Don't let him ruin your day.