Self sufficiency = freedom. Just saying.

I don't depend on him...find resources instead of extending your hand.....

You need to talk to a lawyer. Ask that you pay the lawyer when you reach a settlement...call a lawyer.

I hope you can get this settled soon. I wish you the best. I would find a good attorney and get the ball rolling. Big hugs

Downsize. Even if it means a small apartment and public transportation. That's much better than living beyond your means and having to use the fucktard.

and even fucktards know when they are being used like a TOOL_____ -just sayin'

deramo

You shouldn't be dependent on him, you should be working towards independence.

I can appreciate the dependence you have upon him.

I'd do what you can now--legally--to bind him to a certain amount per month, even a certain amount every week if that's necessary.

You should be able to do some sort of a separation agreement that's signed by both and able to be upheld by a higher power (ie court) if he doesn't adhere to it.

That way, you wouldn't have to ask or hound. You'd have it in place, and if you need to "ask" you go to small claims court to do so.

I agree with Somuch, get some temporary orders in place if you haven't already that spells out how much he will pay.

You don't say if you work outside the home or not. I noticed in your profile that your kids are 17 and 20. Maybe it's time to consider going back to school to get some training in something so you can have a career and not be dependent on his money and thus deal with his moods.

You could ask for "rehabilitiation" money if you've been out of the workforce a long time. I know a woman who did this in her divorce. Her ex was a lawyer and he had to pay for her college education up through a Ph.D if she wanted one.

Check into this. The other posters are right--it is better to be self-sufficient.

So sorry he's hurting you.

I know how you feel. I'm not nice though. I'm civil and try to only deal with him through email. I haven't worked in 26 years and he makes very good money. I'll be happy when the house sells and the maintenance comes monthly. I'll go and buy a little condo that I can easily afford.

In this economy it's very difficult to find a job. I spend hours every day looking and I've had one interview. Good luck to you.

Get a job (even if it's only minimum wage, part time yada yada) not only will you start to see there's other options, but it will boost your self confidence. And just to make things clear, I don't condone using people for money but in this case, he does have an obligation to support his wife and (children) before he goes out and buys necklaces for not one, but two whores.

Rose, prayers and hugs.

Rose, I have to say that I totally understand where you are--it's where I am too. It takes months to get the ball rolling as far as child support and maintenance, and we DO have to have a way to get by until then. I find it hard to believe hat our STBXs who make so much more than we ever did cannot display more grace and compassion in regard to financial support. I am living as inexpensively as possible, and still could not make ends meet with a minimum wage job and child support. I will pray for you, for patience with your STBX as well as the ability to get by financially until you can become self-sufficient. In my case, I sacrificed my own graduate school and career plans for my STBX, and now it seems like that does not matter at all to him. That's not love. I think you're being wise to get along and keep your mouth shut for now. There will come a day when you don't need to depend on him. In the meantime, hang in there, sweetie!

Love,
Michele

I would like to edit my first post but I can't so I will add more thoughts here.

In a marriage with an unbalanced income arrangement, it is reasonable and correct for the higher wage earner to pay the lower wage earner a portion of the difference in income. The amount is derived from the gross incomes according to formulas contained in local gudelines.

Even in a joint-custody arrangement, the parent with primary residential custody will receive child support payments from the other parent. Again, the amount is derived from the gross incomes according to formulas contained in local gudelines.

These two mechanisms are separate.

If the required payments are kept current, it is abusive to ask for additional funds. Guilt, anger, shame, threats and many other ploys are used to ask for funds with the result feeling less like a request and more like a demand.

Get a budget. Manage what you get.

Deramo