I've been dating a man for 4 years who initially told me he was going to "work on" his issues and then we can get married. Four years later, there is little progress made. Do I break up with him or give him longer to sort his issues out? The good side of him: He's kind, gentle, opens doors for me, holds hands when we walk together, is wonderful to my young adult son with special needs.Helps around my house when something breaks. He works. He would give the shirt off his back to help a friend. We enjoy being together and seem to compliment each other. Sounds great. One important fact: He lost his house in a flood about 5 years ago and built it back, although lost everything including important papers. On the bad side, he has a severe financial problem with back taxes and some years, didn't even file taxes. Financial issues goes back 20 years. He has periods of depression and doesn't talk for a few days at a time. He holds a grudge against his father which dates back 40 years when the parents divorced, and uses that as an excuse for not asking me to marry him "yet."
I've suggested he get counseling, speak to his doctor about his depression, Call a tax attorney and ask how they can help him with his tax situation and can speak to a bankruptcy attorney to see if that would be an option for his financial dilemma. Knowing the specifics, I believe tax help and bankruptcy is a solution for him. He has not done any of that. He has free counseling available through his workplace. He seems to float through life and when something bad happens, plays the victim role with oh, poor him. I'm the proactive type and it bothers me that he won't take action. This makes me think, can I wait another 4 years to see if he makes any progress? Is he the type I want to marry? He's so nice but is not responsible. I feel like he needs a mom instead of a wife.
Attempting to set my emotions aside and looking at this logically, I believe it's time I break up with him. I can't help him. He doesn't want my help. His issues predate me. Although my emotional side tells me, he's a wonderful man and I love him. When I confront him about things, he says he's going to take action but later, no action. I've tried to be patient, supportive, encouraging but that hasn't helped.
I'd appreciate your thoughts. I'm in my 50's and would like to have a husband, a companion so waiting is not helping me or him.