Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hey everyone, I dont know what else to do since I have already spoken to friends but I dont think anyone quite understands the pain unless they are in it like you guys/gals are.
About a month ago my life ended in my eyes. The woman I've spent 4.5 years with and grown up with decided to leave me. I wasn't perfect. I was kind of selfish and understand where I went wrong and have been working to fix myself. She actually has agreed that there is a major difference in my attitude since she left, but she is actually even more angry that it took her leaving for me to change. Even with the change she feels like its too late to salvage. I tried to go NC but we kept finding ways to need to talk to one another and still have one more where we split the bank account. We were married through the courts and she literally told me yesterday that it was a mistake ... ouch.
I still love her with everything in my heart and I miss her non stop. I feel like there is nothing I can do to stop the pain. I've even gone on dates with other women but they just don't ease the pain. I just want my Wife back in my life :( Thanks in advance for the replies. Thanks also for just listening to me because at this point I feel like burdening my friends anymore with this just seems so weak, but I'm just not over it yet :(
About a month ago my life ended in my eyes. The woman I've spent 4.5 years with and grown up with decided to leave me. I wasn't perfect. I was kind of selfish and understand where I went wrong and have been working to fix myself. She actually has agreed that there is a major difference in my attitude since she left, but she is actually even more angry that it took her leaving for me to change. Even with the change she feels like its too late to salvage. I tried to go NC but we kept finding ways to need to talk to one another and still have one more where we split the bank account. We were married through the courts and she literally told me yesterday that it was a mistake ... ouch.
I still love her with everything in my heart and I miss her non stop. I feel like there is nothing I can do to stop the pain. I've even gone on dates with other women but they just don't ease the pain. I just want my Wife back in my life :( Thanks in advance for the replies. Thanks also for just listening to me because at this point I feel like burdening my friends anymore with this just seems so weak, but I'm just not over it yet :(
I am sorry for your pain
I have been there...19 years together...and now 1 1/2 years separated
It still hurts everyday
But life also has become good also
grief is a long process....but it does get better with time
Support of professionals helps also
hang in there buddy...one day at a time
you are injured...be gentle and kind to yourself......
Get closer to friends and family if you can
Was SHE perfect? Is anybody perfect? YOU were selfish? Listen, everybody is selfish to a degree - but justifying cheating (beyond selfish) because of your behavior is blameshifting.
check out chumplady.com
A lot of people on here recommended the NC and that I deserved better or what not but just remember that only you know your story and that person. You need to really analyze what happened and where the problems are. If you did wrong, take responsibility and tell her ways of improving and fixing. If she did wrong, tell her how that can be fixed. Find solutions to the problems before deciding to get back together. If there are solutions then save the relationship. If no solutions, then let it go and hope for better.
We would like to hope that if we were doing something that was causing an issue with someone else or in a relationship, that we would hear about it sooner rather then later. That the person we were doing this too would not only tell us, but would want to work through any issue. Unfortunately, very few can, will or want to communicate. There may be a few mentions here or there when the capacity to hold things in runs over, but more times that not, people wait until they have had enough, make the decision in their mind to do what they need and then walk away. Only then, will they unload all that was bothering them after the fact. So yeh, in their mind and heart, its too late because they have already gone through the process of ending the relationship.
My thing is, no one walks into or through life as a perfect individual. No one handles or says everything in the right way all the time. No one walks into a relationship knowing all the right ways to handle situations or even the right steps to take as the relationship progresses, fades or starts to fall apart. Its all a learning process. Every single day and every single moment. None of us have been in this minute this day, regardless of the paths we have taken. The problem is, from what I have witnessed, people look for a ready made out of the box relationship. That rough edges should be smooth, that "you should know what to do already" when a situation arises, and so on, instead of coming together, working through the unknowns and coming out stronger. They go to the store and get the next convenient box of goods.
So in saying that, if you two can't walk along side each other, put your resources together to be stronger to face things that happen not only in the relationship but in life, then yeh, it will be almost impossible to salvage. I know you may be trying as you indicated, but it can't only be one trying.
My only advice is to continue to do you. I am sure you feel good about your progress, so don't let her "holding on to things" issue become your issue. You heard her when she expressed the issues, you acknowledged and recognized within yourself what you need to work on, and you are taking steps to be not only a better person for yourself but for whoever else is in your life, regardless if its her or not. So you are doing what you can with what you now know but she may continue to punish you for what was instead of seeing and welcoming what is. Thats on her, not you regardless of what happened, (outside of violent behavior and things of that nature). You may find, as you grow, that this may be blessing in disguise, which many of us find out, but only after time has gone by.
Stay strong, be good to you and keep taking putting one foot in front of the other to move forward for You.
Welcome to the group.