I learned that "friends" become collateral damage in a divorce. I'm not sure why it is that people choose sides, but they do. My mutual friends were, really, his friend/coworkers, and they also chose to remain friends with the ex OW, so I dumped them. His family (which, I realize is different from "friend" zone) they love drama, but are so two-faced that it makes me laugh.

The up side is, you find out who your REAL friends are.

Wedding ring? I, personally, wore it the whole time I was separated. North Carolina, you have to be separated for a year before divorcing, and I had the same attitude as you - I was still married. People may not "feel" married, but if something "legal" happened during a separation, you are still ,legally, the spouse.

I want to say my ex took his ring off the say we separated. I know he, at least, stopped telling me "I love you" to punish me, so I'm sure he took his ring off.

This is also the same guy who, being hell bent to hide his side second marriage from me, took his wedding ring off for three months so it wouldn't "tip" me off.

Anyhow, take stock of your real friends, and keep posting. I think you're pretty cool.

What I have come to learn about mutual friends is that some do not know how to deal with the situation. My STBX and I have known each other since we were 14 and 15 years old. The majority of his friends were my close friends as well. When I filed for divorce, I noticed that some of our close mutual friends stopped calling me or coming around all together. I felt not only abandoned by my STBX, but also the friends I have known for the majority of my life. One of our close friends does still maintain regular contact with me and this is what he explained concerning how the others were treating me: they do not want to get involved in the middle of our divorce, meaning they do not want to choose sides. I understand this, but I still feel ostracized. The reality of the situation is your life changes completely from divorce. For those friends who still talk to me regularly, I love them. For those that have cut off contact, I see it as maybe it was not meant for us to remain friends. Either way, we will be okay.

My STBX took his ring off the day he left. I kept mine on until the day I filed for divorce. Removing your ring is a personal decision. You will know when it is time. Do not force yourself. You sound like you are handling everything well, but as always there are things that do get under our skin. Stay strong.

I too found that people I thought were friends suddenly disappeared.

My true friends held my hand, wiped my tears, and helped me learn to let it all out.

What I made sure to do was not voice any opinions either way to anyone who I knew wasn't solely my friend. I have seen to many people say something disparaging about their ex and be shocked when their ex hears about it.

Today 90% of our mutual friends are no longer in my close circle of people I hang out with.

The other thing I took a long time to realize, is that while you are hurting this is not happening to your friends. I was shocked when I felt like people no longer cared, but to them you were separated and after three months get over it. No on who hasn't gone through a divorce or death has any idea what this is like.

I stopped wearing my wedding ring as soon as the father of my children told me he was leaving, but I still wear my engagement ring three years post divorce. I picked out the ring because I loved it, and I still do.

This tough situation for everybody. This is when you find out who you are true friends. Most of our mutual friends have not called or talked to me since they found out. I think some just do not want to get in the middle and some do not know what to do.

I kept my ring on until she told me I have to move out. It is part of my keychain now.

Stay strong.

Well my husband was sleeping around (I found out later) when he moved out and was trying to talk to me about coming home but didnt want to deal with his drinking/etc..
He wouldn't wear his. I had the same conviction about wearing my rings.. But later felt I needed to stop as he wasn't wearing his and I didn't want to look like I was holding out hope for him like a fool. That's my thinking at the time . I knew I was married and intended to do right till I am divorced. If someone asked me out, I would tell them I'm not divorced yet. The ring was still on in my heart .I knew I was married and was going to wait...

Thank you all for your responses and words of wisdom and kindness.
It helps so very much!
In the end I will know who my real friends are. And frankly I hope they are people that want the best for both me and my ex.

Our friends were his friends and I thought I was on my own and I accepted that. It turns out that he wasn't/isn't very well liked and now I have some good friends that try and help me out. Not one person he knows can believe what he did to me. When they say things like "I am shocked and blown away". I say "you're shocked? How do you think I feel"? I didn't expect any of the. To turn their backs in him I just asked for a heads up, if he going to be at their places please let me know so I wouldn't run into him. He's no longer invited over and he's given up calling to see what they are doing, he knows I am always over for BBQ's and stuff. I'm sure it really bothers him especially now that he's all alone and really having a hard time. For those who unfriended you it speaks of their character and not yours. As for the one that's propositioned him, she's garbage and you're better off with out someone like that as a "friend". I look forward to making new friends that are just mine though.

My first reaction concerning the friend who started to proposition your stbx was that it might be only a lie. If your ex knew the two of you were quite close, he might want to break that friendship up so you would have less of a support group. It might make him feel pretty good to destroy your friendships, and telling you she was coming onto him would certainly accomplish that. If more people than just your ex told you about it though, there would be more reason to believe it's true.

I was more fortunate when it came to friends. When my ex and I split, I was able to move back to my home state which put about 1400 miles between me and them.

The rings, well, he quit wearing his before we even split up. I think he may have pawned it. Mine actually went down the drain one evening. I had taken it off while my hands were soapy and was reaching to put it in a safe place, and it slipped out of my hand and went down the drain.I guess I didn't feel a great sense of loss since his meant so little to him.

Also, there is this: since you continue to wear your ring, your ex may think you don't want to let go of the relationship, and actually see it as an encouragement to try things with you. Mixed signals?

Be careful, stay strong and keep a good sense of yourself. There's a lot of fallout after a divorce, but things will be normal again one day.

Eikara,
Good point that he may have just made that up to split she and I up or she might have been joking with him, I can see her doing that, and he assumed she was serious just to feed his own ego.

I took my engagement ring off one night and put it on the dresser. In the middle of the night the damn cat went up there and knocked things around and I cannot find it. Wish I could because I would pawn that thing.

As for the wedding ring, he might read something into it - does not seem like it now though. He is not responding to my emails about filing our divorce papers.