I am hurting so bad. I don't know how to handle my emotions because I never even prepared myself for an end. I didnt see an end. Based on our breakup conversation, I feel like he just wanted me to fit this perfect mold of a perfect person he created in his head. Now looking back on it, him wanting me to be more outgoing at events and saying things like " I'd like to see you dressed up more" makes me feel like he wanted me to keep some image for him. In the end, things like that were his reasonings that he didnt see us working in the future. It wasnt fighting, it wasnt we couldnt communicate, we were best friends and had a loving relationship, but I didnt fit that mold he wanted. I dont know if it has to do with his career (he is a pilot) but he worried about me not making good impressions on people because I wasn't bubbly and outgoing. He did say though that his friends and family liked me when I asked him if it was an issue already so im not sure where this feeling stems from.

A girl who loved him deeply wasnt enough. I woud have done anything for him and he knew that and actually always told me how much he appreciated me for that. I thought I was doing everything right. All I looked for was someone who made me feel safe and loved and felt like home. He was that for me. He was everything I had tried to turn other relationships into. Finally someone who gave me exactly what I needed. He told me he used to see himself marrying me and then one day he didn't see it anymore. I don't know when this occured in the realtionship. And in the end it was the small inconveniences that tore us apart. 

He was married in the past to a woman who he described as not loving, selfish, materialistic and didnt want to work on their marriage. He was with her 5 years. After they parted ways they never spoke again and hes now been divorced 3 years. I dont feel like he actually ever got over the divorce because he seems to have been very critical of me on so many random things however I didnt know these things until he was leaving me. One example was I didnt want to take help when he offered such as when I had a cold, and he offered to give me cold medicine, I said no. He said that hurt him. He only told me this as he was ending it. He told me when I was negative it weighed heavily on him because he is a positive person and I would bring him down. I had to remind him im not a robot, have different emotions and cant always be perfect.

He broke up with me in a hotel room on our last day of vacation. I had to spend the next 12 hours with him. He saw me at my worst. Begging, pleading, sobbing, anger. He didnt allow me to grieve in private. Instead I was sobbing in airports, restaurants, on a plane. I am moritifed he saw me in this condition. While begging for him to give it a chance and focus on the positive he asked me "why do you love me so much?" I dont know what he expected of me, but I feel helpless right now. I want to reach out to him so bad to remind him how much he has hurt the woman who loved him more than anyone has.