Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Day 13 NC--almost slipped..almost

kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
My daughter got her report card yesterday, all her grades have come up dramatically, I was floored! Ive been drilling her on her end of the year vocab test, and she nailed it to bring her final grade up to a solid B. After we high fived and discussed I asked her "did you tell your mom", and she kindof shrugged and said no. She is 17, so of course this is her choice and I didnt push it at all, I dropped it. But my instinct was to text her mom and let her know the good news..very confused that compulsion hit me like that. Well long story short I didnt call or text or anything...I realized this was her choice, she left the house. Part of family life is celebrating the good and dealing with the bad..this was the good, and she missed out. Her choice. Still a bit of a struggle, so today its yardwork for me after work! Thanks all for listening!
Retrogirl
Retrogirl
You are a strong man. Very good...look at all the work you have put in to this... don't give up now...you are pushing through this. It's hard..but these stupid emotions lie. I know the feeling..the past few days.. I've wanted to give Ron( my ex) a piece of my mind about how he could just sleep with some chick five weeks after the split after all the crap he fed me about" wanting to be alone" I think silence is the loudest parting word we can ever say. Stay strong. We can do this....
yougospam
yougospam
It is "their" choice. After my first divorce (we had 4 kids) I always tried to take the high road and kept him informed of school things, dr visits, etc. to make it easier for all of us. He never responded nor kept me in the loop so one day I just stopped. We are on better terms now but it took years of NO communication and him realizing that the kids always gravitated to me and my home, not his to soften him. Hang in their Coop......we are all in this together!!!
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
Thanks Retrogirl, it was so bizarre this compulsion of wanting to text after Ive been so resolute but it has only been 3.5 months since the breakup and I certainly dont want to regress back to the stupid waiting for response nightmare..UGH. As long as I stay focused and busy and grateful my daughter is there I will get through, so want these stupid emotions gone, but I guess they make us human. That sucks about your ex, 5 weeks? I blocked my ex from FB and dont have any desire to go look and see her wall, ignorance is bliss as far as that goes! Thanks for your response, hang in there, I'll be thinking of you! *HUG*
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know how hard it is. I keep looking at my phone to see if he will text or even some communication. I am sorry you are going through this too. I am glad you daughter did so well.
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
Thanks yougospam, the stuggle continues, but its getting a litttttttle easier lol..just got to stay strong. This is also why I gave up alcohol after the breakup, who knows what I would say or text then lol. I can only imagine that nightmare.
happymama2j
happymama2j
good for you kbb for resisting the temptation!

i love what you said here:
"...I realized this was her choice, she left the house. Part of family life is celebrating the good and dealing with the bad..this was the good, and she missed out. Her choice."

i am slowly but surely learning this as it applies to my situation with my stbxh. he gets so angry and hateful when he misses out on things. he tries to make me feel like it's my fault. even though he's the one who left and refused to work on our marriage any further. thanks for sharing w us. stay strong! big hugs to you!
butterfly1234567
butterfly1234567
Hang in there kbbcoop, you have come a long way and 3.5 months is still really a very new break up. But you are doing such a great job with building strength and moving fwd.

You are extremely blessed to have your daughter there for sure ,and she seems to be doing well by reflections of those great grades that just came in :).

Stay strong :)

Peace and Blessing
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
Thanks Happymama2j, isnt that the truth though? This was a really happy moment at our house yesterday and she wasnt there to celebrate, off with her friends or whatever or alone in her new apartment she so desperately wanted. Whether shes happy or not I really am beginning not to even care anymore.
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
Butterfly, I know, I count that blessing everyday and night that my daughter stayed with me, she didnt even consider going to her moms. Shes in the house she grew up in, not some apartment off a busy road. We have a nice yard, deck, and 2 dogs and a cat..its a home. My ex in her infinite wisdom rented a 2 bedroom so my daughter could have a room, Im sure that was the guilt talking because financially it was a stupid move. My daughter is not interested in going over there. She has a home. I am truly blessed we have such a great relationship, she calls me her partner in crime lol. Love her to death. My son is 26 and lives about an hour away, but we are closer than ever now, he thinks his mother has lost it. What can you do? I am blessed with these kids, they are my inspiration to get up and get moving.
deleted_user
deleted_user
She has lost it. Sometimes people lose it. Could be love, or something closely resembling love. Could be the aging process -- it can be hell on a woman. Making peace with her on your terms is healing though, and she is still the kids' Mom. She always will be. Sometimes I find strength in being able to text or call without wrapping the action up in all this meaning -- "I gave in", "he doesn't deserve it", etc. Better to let her share in the joys. She is in a lot of turmoil now. It's okay to be there for her in small ways. It's kind and loving. You're a strong man, and it's all right to share a bit of that. I bet she needs you now. I know it feels like a war, with winners and losers. It isn't. It's about the kids. Best of everything to you during this time, Coop.
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
Wandering , I think you have some valid points. But at this stage I have to get myself healed before I would even consider contacting her and sharing anything joyful. Believe me I did that earlier in the break up and it wasn't pretty. Hopefully down the line sometime maybe in a year or two we can have those conversations but that is a wound I am not going to keep reopening..no way. But thanks for responding!
butterfly1234567
butterfly1234567
I agree with you Kbbcoop. Hang in there
deleted_user
deleted_user
ALMOST....but you DID NOT.

That's what matter.

Awesome, buddy...and, yes, yard work is a great idea!
deleted_user
deleted_user
You sure are a lot stronger then I am, kbbcoop77. I am constantly texting my stbx to update him on our children. He does respond usually quickly and always acts interested but I also push for his visitation with our children who are old enough now to really decide if they want to see their father or not. I am realizing now that I push the visits because I want to see him! And I text him about them cause I want to talk to him! How pathetic is that!! I am hoping that I can gain some insight on your strength and the strength of others on this site to stop doing such crazy things! Thank you for that!