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Daughter Missing Dad

felifel
felifel
My ex and I have been separated for about 11 months now (divorce is final next month). Our 6 year old daughter has not really asked about it until now. She does see her dad 3 times a week and every other weekend, but now she often tells me that she misses him. Yesterday her dad took her to Disneyland. He invited me to join them but I thought it would be best if I didn't go. She ended up asking her dad, "Why doesn't mommy come with us to Disneyland anymore?" (We used to go all the time since we have annual passes.) She even told me she really wants me to go with them next time. This broke my heart. I love my daughter and I hate that she has to go back and forth between us. I also feel like my ex and I are both missing out on half of her life because she is only with one of us at a time.

My ex and I are friends and we get along for the most part. I am really trying to control my feelings of hurt around him. He did a LOT of selfish, hurtful, stupid things and destroyed our relationship. You see, although he is generally a nice guy, he has the mentality of a teenager the majority of the time. This causes him to have bad judgement and react to situations in the way a child would.

Can anyone relate to the child issue or immature husband issue? I'm so confused.
vawmcole
vawmcole
I understand what you are going through. My STBX and I have a 21 and 14 year old son. The 21 year old does not communicate with him at all. He hates him because he just walked out on us 3 months ago. The 14 year old really wants to be with him. So far, the only time they spend together is when my STBX can fit him in. This is usually every other weekend for about 3-4 hours. It breaks my heart when I see him walking around disappointed because his father did not call him for a week or when they went out, he took him to a fast food restaurant and ignored him because his phone calls were more important. My STBX is impulsive, selfish and also immature and has no idea that his actions are ruining his relationship with our sons. He is more focused on partying and women.
I am not friendly with my STBX because he views me as the enemy because I filed for divorce. I want to be able to talk to him about our sons. However, for now, a text or random email is our form of communication.
Both of my sons understand the circumstances surrounding why I filed for divorce (infidelity) and they know that I am uncomfortable being around their father. I have missed many family and friends' gatherings due to this. I continue to tell myself that in the future our communication concerning our sons will improve as well as my tolerance for being in the same vicinity as him.
cab720
cab720
Our stories have so many similarities, it is really strange. My wife and I have been separated about 11 months, although I just moved out a little less than a week ago. We have a six year old girl as well. I would say we get together rather well, comparatively. I think we both have our daughter's best interest in mind. The difference for us is we have always done a ton of separate things her whole life, mostly due to work schedules, but also interests and I think our daughter is very use to having one of us at a time anyways. You post made me wonder if I am like your husband and immature. I don't think so, as I have always been responsible and have priorities that seem mature to me. I guess I could be perceived that way though from my ex, you never know what another's perspective would be. I think you and your husband handling things as friendly as possible while painful is best for the child. You should be proud of how you are dealing with this, you guys are an inspiration. Best wishes!
felifel
felifel
Wow, vawmcole...that is really sad. He definitely sounds selfish to me! I hope things get better and he grows up. Btw, my ex was also unfaithful and I dread the day I have to explain to my daughter why we divorced.

That is crazy, cab! We definitely have some similarities. Yes, we are trying for the sake of our daughter. Like today, for example, is my ex's birthday. My daughter said she wanted to make a cake for her dad and sing to him. So I invited him over for dinner and cake. I know it means a lot to both of them, so I am willing to try to put our differences aside... at least temporarily.